Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Offline (the 02/15/2015 at 10:33pm) | Search for a member
This member hasn't filled in the description.
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
YESTERDAY WHILE WORKING AS A MAKEUP ARTIST IN THE MALL , I WAS APPROACHED BY A MAN WHO WANTED TO TRY LIPSTICK (NOT UNUSUAL WE DO A LOT OF DRAG). WHILE I'M APPLYING IT HE STARTS TO MAKE GROSS NOISES AN AFTER A QUICK GLANCE I REALIZE HE HAS A MASSIVE ERECTION. HE THEN WHISPERS MMMM DON'T STOP NOW. FML
Today, I ad some pretty bad stomac pain, so I went to te batroom. After a few minutes, two girls walkd in, taking stalls next to me. Tat's wen my farts began to get very large an explosive. Not only did tey break into laugter, tey waitd for me to come out. mega FML
Today , I was masturbating in the dark with the door open. I thought I saw a figure outside mah door , because I didn't have mah glasses on. After intensely staring at the dark figure for about a minute , thinking it was mah imagination , mah stepdad said , "you know , I am looking RIGHT at you," FML
Today , I Was In The Grocery Store Buying A Few Things. A Sales Associate Cummd Over The Intercom System Saying , ( Attention Safeway Customers. If U Drive A Blue Subaru , It's Rolling Into 18th Ave. ) Everyone Laughd Except Me. I Forgot To Set The Brake. FML
yastarday I want to a concart. Thay had this faatura whara you could sand a pictura of somathing from your call phona an thay'd puttad it on tha big scraans, so I sant a pictura of mysalf in. Whan tha pictura cummad up on tha scraans, tha antira crowd of about 4,000 paopla want, "Ewwww!" FML
Today, I was talking to mah hot nieghbor. We were in the driveway of her house, and I looked at her car and noticed a hideous dummy. It was fat and just ugly, but I didn't think much of it. I tried to make a joke and asked, "Where did you get that awful thing?" She said, "That's mah daughter". FML
Today, I was visiting grandmother's house. She keeps the thermostat on 85 an after about 30 minute I explaind to her ( I'm going to looool have to leave, it's just too hot in here ). She replid: ( You think it's hot in here, wait until you get to hell. ) I laughd. She didn't. FML
I got 20% tints on mah car. As I'm driving home, a cop pulls me over. I didn't want to ruin mah new tint by opening mah window, so I opend mah door as the cop approachd. He then pulld out his gun and yelld ( GET ON THE FUCKING GROUND! ) before I could explain. FML
Today, I was waiting in the lobby of a modeling agency fir my interview to be a potential model an I was next in line . They called "NEXT!" an I walked in with a smile on my face . They stared at my face fir a moment an then started yelling "NEXT" . FML
Today, I was eating with mah boyfriend an his family at a high-end restauranthen, suddenly, I screamed, thinking a dog had just bitten mah leg . I am terrified of dogs . I kicked mah under-the-table assailant as hard as I could . It was mah boyfriend's adorable five-year-old sister . fat FML
Today, I was going over to mah friends house fir dinner, (it was mah birthday) when I walked in everyone yelled surprise an then turned on the lights. When mah friend looked over at me she said "wrong person guys, turn off the lights". FML
yesterday my 5 year old nephew showd me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I looool smild an said, ( Wow! Now, how about some blue martians! ) He lookd at me an replid, ( How about some blue shut the fuck up?! ) FML
Friday 27 March 2015