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Today, I was holding hands with my daughter and she wanted to skip. When I went to skip I accidentally kneed her in the face. Everyone saw her holding her busted lip and pointing at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15279) - you totally deserved it (2909)
On 01/22/2010 at 3:11am - kids - by jazz - Sent from a mobile version
Today, I fell asleep after finishing my exam. I had a dream I was falling and woke up smashing my face on the desk. Everyone laughed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12180) - you totally deserved it (4973)
On 01/20/2010 at 6:19pm - health - by M_Kclift1994 (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, I found out my little sister was a stripper. At the same time, she found out that when I said I was having a "quiet birthday with some friends," what I really meant was "hiring a stripper to jump out of a cake." FML
I agree, your life sucks (27590) - you totally deserved it (3963)
On 01/18/2010 at 3:26pm - misc - by Jon (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, as I showered, I sneezed, hit my face on the wall, got shampoo in my eyes, slipped on a bar of soap, bashed my head on the wall as I fell, grabbed at the walls to stop me from falling and happened to turn off the cold water, scorching me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27962) - you totally deserved it (3124)
On 01/17/2010 at 1:22am - health - by Concussed (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I was doing a shit load of sit-ups on my mattress. After realizing the bed was squeaking, I heard my dad laughing very hard from the basement. He thought I was masturbating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3047) - you totally deserved it (4287)
On 01/14/2010 at 10:16pm - intimacy - by nooneatall - Sent from a mobile version
Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7935) - you totally deserved it (1805)
On 01/14/2010 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by scubai (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my boyfriend called my cell. I picked up and said "Hi, this is Lisa and I want you to fuck me raw". It was my dad. He was at my boyfriend's parent's house and forgot his phone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (2615) - you totally deserved it (7434)
On 01/02/2010 at 2:02am - intimacy - by Lisa (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I started my period. I am getting married tomorrow. So, not only am I going to be on my period for my wedding night and honeymoon, my best friend has to help me change my pad because my dress is so big. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53546) - you totally deserved it (5248)
On 04/24/2009 at 3:50pm - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I was at the gym when I saw one of my friends at the water fountain. I went over and gave him a man ass slap while he was drinking. It wasn't my friend. I now have a black eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8153) - you totally deserved it (40217)
On 04/24/2009 at 1:20pm - health - by JohnFarrell (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I told my mom I am bulimic and have been for a few years and that I need help. She responded by saying "Well that's clearly not working for you. Why don't you try anorexia." She then patted me on my head, smiled, and walked away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (106756) - you totally deserved it (8486)
On 04/15/2009 at 10:07am - health - by sickpuppy (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I performed in my school play. Right before my big solo, I noticed a few girls changing backstage and I became aroused. The play was Jesus Christ Superstar, and I was playing Jesus. All I was wearing was a little cloth, so the whole audience saw Jesus get hard during the crucifixion. FML
I agree, your life sucks (67811) - you totally deserved it (25121)
On 04/14/2009 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by jizzlemonster13 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was working as a manager of the local movie theather. This six year old came in with no parents or anyone else. When I asked him where his parents were he looked at me and said, "Shut up white boy, I don't have to listen to your shit." I just got told by a six year old. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44653) - you totally deserved it (4125)
On 04/13/2009 at 8:44pm - work - by brad3720 (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was reading a text from my girlfriend as i was paying for my shopping in a supermarket. As i was thinking what to reply, the woman behind the counter handed me my change. I got confused and said "Thank you, I love you!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (11859) - you totally deserved it (44136)
On 04/12/2009 at 7:12am - misc - by Johnmac88 (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I was surfing and trying to impress some girls on the beach. While I was out in the water, a jellyfish wrapped itself around my torso. I started to yell and freak out, making a huge scene. I grabbed it off of me, only to realize that I was freaking out over a plastic grocery bag. FML
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On 04/11/2009 at 2:52pm - misc - by effingawwesome (man) - United States (South Carolina)
Today, I was selling cookie dough for a fund raiser at an old folks home. One lady ordered a box and told me that she loved cookie dough. I told her it'd be here in 4 weeks, she said "Oh I can't wait!". Not really thinking, as I left I said, "I hope you can make it till then!". FML
I agree, your life sucks (6146) - you totally deserved it (41139)
On 04/09/2009 at 8:16pm - misc - by phatkroger10 (man) - United States (Minnesota)
