I'm the one with the white T-shirt~
Kamehameha! :D
Today, while my girlfriend and I were getting it on, she suddenly stopped and yelled "STOP!". I stopped, scared I'd hurt her. She then yelled "HAMMER TIME!" and started to dance. We never finished. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13329) - you totally deserved it (2341)
On 09/16/2009 at 1:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, I realized that when my new roommate said we could both use the condoms he bought, he didn't mean separately. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25193) - you totally deserved it (2350)
On 09/13/2009 at 1:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (District of Columbia)
Today I was eating m&ms on a chair when I dropped one and it fell under my crotch. My mom came in to see my hand on my crotch and me muttering "where is that little bastard?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (26317) - you totally deserved it (6196)
On 09/11/2009 at 2:26pm - misc - by awilson (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today I was driving in the left lane and was suddenly hit by a woman who was in the right lane. It ran me off the road, I took out a fence and totaled my car. When the cops asked the woman what happened she responded.."my tom-tom told me to turn left." FML
I agree, your life sucks (34494) - you totally deserved it (932)
On 09/10/2009 at 12:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Montana)
Today, I was sitting on a park bench with my very elderly grandfather while listening to music at a low volume. Suddenly, he turned to me and said very loudly, " I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD AIDS!" I received strange looks from everyone that day because he mistook my ear buds for a hearing aid. FML
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On 09/09/2009 at 4:16pm - health - by Missy (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I woke up to my 8 month old son happy as can be. I could hear him laughing over the monitor. When I walked into the room, he had somehow got his diaper off and was holding onto his new found penis. He thought it was hysterical when it went off and shot urine everywhere. FML
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On 09/09/2009 at 3:33pm - kids - by WOCOACH (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I discovered that I don't have Herpes or Genital warts. I have acne on my penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42244) - you totally deserved it (5482)
On 09/06/2009 at 2:19pm - health - by Curt (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I saw a video of me last night, hammered, climbing my wardrobe screaming "I WANT TO GO TO NARNIA" naked. FML
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On 08/20/2009 at 10:39am - misc - by ShiriSarah (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes of random names she thought of, she finally picked one. Say hello to Squirtle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37577) - you totally deserved it (6823)
On 08/01/2009 at 3:44am - love - by NinjaPanda88 (man) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend came over so that we could have some "fun". It turns out, his idea of foreplay is squishing my breasts together and making them talk. FML
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On 07/28/2009 at 6:28pm - intimacy - by notsexy (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I asked my Swedish friend for some lines to impress this swedish girl I met at an expat party he took me to. I practised them all evening before I met her. I told her my feelings, and she scowled. Apparently I had wished the devil upon her - after asking if i could ejaculate on her face. FML
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On 06/17/2009 at 10:57am - intimacy - by Dirtyswede (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)
Today, In my science class I sit next to my friend Jill. My teacher always gets our names confused caling me Jill & her Liz. She decided to combine our names. I'm now known as Jizz. My teacher clearly has no idea what it means. FML
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On 06/12/2009 at 2:50pm - misc - by mcullen21 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I had all four of my wisdom teeth extracted. Under anesthesia I proceeded to tell the dentist my entire love life and drug history in detail. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43641) - you totally deserved it (8789)
On 05/12/2009 at 4:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house.I've been a vegetarian for 4 years, and his mother made lasagna with meat in it. After telling her I don't eat meat, my boyfriend's father proceeds to say "we know who's meat she does eat." My boyfriend, his mother, and I were standing right there. FML
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On 04/29/2009 at 10:09pm - intimacy - by ohmyx3 (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I was playing one on one soccer with a girl like. I accidentally kicked the ball right into her face. The ball rolled back towards me and as I was running to see if she was ok, I kicked the ball... right into her face again. FML
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On 04/29/2009 at 10:35am - misc - by hyper12332 (man) - Australia (Victoria)
