About Zestus : Mm... Uni student from Tokyo who reads FML's when bored in the morning
Hi.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
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Today, I ran full speed into a brick wall because I saw a tiger. On the other side of a zoo cage. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5937) - you deserved it (21325)
On 12/22/2011 at 10:02pm - animals - by steve - United States
Today, someone put dog turds underneath all the decorative reindeers' butts in my front yard. The chief suspect is my curmudgeonly, holidays-hating fuckball of a neighbor. Last week he repositioned them in very suggestive poses. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16534) - you deserved it (4152)
On 12/20/2011 at 9:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I got aroused by the vanilla scent from an unused trash bag. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17189) - you deserved it (4429)
On 12/19/2011 at 10:23pm - intimacy - by BKCK4187 - United States
Today, my mother told me I looked like a hooker in my wedding dress. Thanks mommy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26418) - you deserved it (4812)
On 12/19/2011 at 2:55am - intimacy - by mo (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, while having sex, my girlfriend suddenly broke down and started crying. Apparently, when I'm horny, my face reminds her of her dead dog. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34336) - you deserved it (3527)
On 12/19/2011 at 1:43am - intimacy - by lovely (man) - Netherlands (Utrecht)
Today, I came to the conclusion that my dad must have had a psychotic break, because when I came home, he was wearing sunglasses indoors, and blasted out Skrillex music all through the evening. The sound of diarrhea pouring into a gutter would make for better music than this. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14301) - you deserved it (11811)
On 12/18/2011 at 6:48pm - misc - by fmT719 - United Kingdom (Essex)
Today, the cute guy in my class asked if I wanted to come over to his house to "study" on Saturday for our finals. I went to his house expecting a good time. He actually wanted to study. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9064) - you deserved it (35392)
On 12/17/2011 at 8:30am - love - by SuperCoolGurl (woman) - Australia
Today, I went to eat the orange I'd brought to work, but couldn't find it. After minutes searching, I found it. Nailed to the ceiling. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19798) - you deserved it (1770)
On 12/15/2011 at 1:57am - work - by Username - United States (California)
Today, I was out selling Christmas-themed calendars for charity door-to-door. I rang a doorbell and a wild-eyed man appeared at the door, shouted about being "on nights" and that I'd woken him up, called me a "bell end", threw a newspaper at me and slammed the door in my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10222) - you deserved it (17956)
On 12/12/2011 at 6:36am - misc - by firemansam - United Kingdom (Kent)
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he laid on the bed, silent and naked in the fetal position, I had to sit there stroking his head for an hour. I think I raped my boyfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40963) - you deserved it (5770)
On 12/11/2011 at 6:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I was cuddling up on the couch with my girlfriend, when my drunken mother walked in the room, slurred out, "Room for one more?" and leaped on top of us. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25723) - you deserved it (2003)
On 12/09/2011 at 2:38pm - love - by Vince (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35350) - you deserved it (623)
On 12/09/2011 at 10:40am - intimacy - by Aly (woman) - United States
Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35350) - you deserved it (623)
On 12/09/2011 at 10:40am - intimacy - by Aly (woman) - United States
Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35350) - you deserved it (623)
On 12/09/2011 at 10:40am - intimacy - by Aly (woman) - United States
Today, my girlfriend shoved a Q-tip up my ass while I was brushing my teeth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28068) - you deserved it (4995)
On 12/06/2011 at 11:39pm - intimacy - by Surprisebuttsecks? (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Monday 20 May 2013
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