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Zestus

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Zestus
  • Town/Country : Boston, USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 8086
  • Number of comments : 78
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 10 posted

About Zestus : Mm... Uni student from Tokyo who reads FML's when bored in the morning
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Zestus's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend got a tattoo of a Rainbow Dash over her pubic mound. Now whenever I go down on her, I'll be eye-to-eye with an adorable pony that shits rainbows. FML

#19881608
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25491) - you deserved it (4239)

On 07/02/2012 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by nobrony (man) - United States (New York)

Today, a homeless man tried to sell me a "magic, one-finger glove". It was a used condom. FML

#19838531
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24204) - you deserved it (2047)

On 06/24/2012 at 10:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was so out of it from a lack of sleep and an accidental antihistamine overdose, I tried to offer my cat a cup of tea, and actually got pissed off when he didn't reply. It took me a good five minutes to understand what just happened. FML

#19817936
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20011) - you deserved it (5500)

On 06/20/2012 at 10:09am - animals - by anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was getting dirty with my boyfriend. It was the first time he had fingered anyone, and the only thing he said was, "It feels like the inside of my asshole." FML

#19810073
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40433) - you deserved it (3685)

On 06/18/2012 at 11:33pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML

#19791702
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9390) - you deserved it (17619)

On 06/15/2012 at 10:21am - kids - by habbsrule - Canada

Today, I approached a cute girl at a club, when she started barking at me like a rabid dog. Thinking she might be mentally unhinged, I left, only to see the same girl laughing her ass off with her friends minutes later. When I went back over, her friends started barking at me too. FML

#19739013
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19004) - you deserved it (4314)

On 06/05/2012 at 3:34pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Idaho)

Today, my girlfriend stuck her finger up my butt while giving me a hand-job, promising it would feel really good. It just felt awkward and made me need to poop. FML

#19703392
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32803) - you deserved it (8324)

On 05/30/2012 at 5:46am - intimacy - by Brax (man) - United States

Today, I had to collect my daughter from the hospital. Her boyfriend was even more upset than she was, because his iPhone's screen was damaged beyond repair when the doctor pulled it out of my daughter's vagina. FML

#19631928
472 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38421) - you deserved it (3081)

On 05/16/2012 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by smart move there (woman) - Ireland (Kildare)

Today, I asked my dad if my girlfriend could sleep over. He winked at me and agreed. When I brought her home, we went to my room for a quickie. There, I saw that my dad had taped multiple Richard Simmons posters to the wall, causing my girlfriend to suddenly come down with a "headache." FML

#19607447
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10686) - you deserved it (18497)

On 05/11/2012 at 2:29pm - love - by cockblocked (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I was at a restaurant with my kids. I told my 13 year old about how the very first time she said she loved me. She was 2 and it was at this very restaurant. I told her the details and even started tearing up a little. She didn't even look up from her cell phone and said, "That's fab, ma." FML

#19603153
309 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25081) - you deserved it (7540)

On 05/10/2012 at 4:33pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I found out that my husband is the biological father of my baby sister. FML

#19603084
408 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55173) - you deserved it (2954)

On 05/10/2012 at 4:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was shopping at Walmart, when I saw a really good deal on some bacon. Before I could take any, a huge-ass woman stormed over, kicked my cart down the aisle, and snatched every single packet for herself. And I actually got upset over this. FML

#19592298
370 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28073) - you deserved it (2844)

On 05/08/2012 at 1:57pm - misc - by wtf is wrong with my country (man) - United States

Today, the Star Wars Cantina song had been stuck in my head since I woke up, as my brother was humming it. I finally managed to get it out of my head. Then my mom started to whistle it. It's stuck in my head again. FML

#19588733
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14000) - you deserved it (3293)

On 05/07/2012 at 7:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my son tried to swat a fly with a hammer. Our apartment walls are now littered with dents and holes. FML

#19581531
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19002) - you deserved it (3887)

On 05/06/2012 at 10:57am - misc - by flustered (man) - United States (South Dakota)



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