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Zestus

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Zestus
  • Town/Country : Boston, USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 8158
  • Number of comments : 79
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 10 posted

About Zestus : Mm... Uni student from Tokyo who reads FML's when bored in the morning
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Zestus's favorite FMLs

Today, my husband let me know he felt I was ignoring him by jabbing me in the right ear with his erect penis while I was Skyping with my mum overseas. FML

#20110803
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25623) - you deserved it (4018)

On 10/10/2012 at 5:48pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he pulls out during doggy-style and rubs my clit with the tip of his penis, he will be rewarded with a queef. He found it hilarious and tested it out 5 more times. FML

#20105380
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28532) - you deserved it (6153)

On 10/07/2012 at 6:25am - intimacy - by SoSexy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I asked a girl out. She replied, "Sorry, I'm suddenly a lesbian." FML

#20101904
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23501) - you deserved it (2207)

On 10/04/2012 at 8:28pm - love - by imafunguy (man) - United States

Today, I used the phrase "bitch please" in real life. It was funny until the "bitch" bitch-slapped me in the face. FML

#20100764
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6973) - you deserved it (26762)

On 10/03/2012 at 11:14pm - misc - by staticman101 - United States (Michigan)

Today, my mom screeched at me about my pillowcase being dirty and finished off one long rant with an irate "Who raised you to be such a pig?" Her anger multiplied by ten when I asked if it was a trick question. FML

#20098049
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19083) - you deserved it (6719)

On 10/02/2012 at 6:29am - misc - by kira (woman) - United States

Today, as my boyfriend and I were getting hot in the bedroom, he stopped right before he entered me and said, "Knock knock!" He refused to continue until I replied, "Come in." FML

#20094225
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23506) - you deserved it (3873)

On 09/29/2012 at 9:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was trying to convince my flatmate to agree to let me get us a kitten. After gushing about how cute they are, and showing her loads of pictures, she just stared at me and said, "You really need a penis inside you now and again." FML

#20087001
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14718) - you deserved it (18880)

On 09/24/2012 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by foreveralone (woman) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, I was trying to convince my flatmate to agree to let me get us a kitten. After gushing about how cute they are, and showing her loads of pictures, she just stared at me and said, "You really need a penis inside you now and again." FML

#20087001
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14718) - you deserved it (18880)

On 09/24/2012 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by foreveralone (woman) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, my boyfriend's transition into an annoying hipster is complete. It started with the not-really-necessary nerd glasses and the Mötley Crüe t-shirt, the final straw being the affected British accent. I'm considering where to dump the body. FML

#20086118
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18231) - you deserved it (1865)

On 09/24/2012 at 1:07am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, at school, a guy walked up to me and said I look a little too young to be at high school. I told him that I'm sixteen years old. He stared at my chest for several long seconds, muttered "What the fuck?" and walked off. FML

#20076675
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23574) - you deserved it (2180)

On 09/17/2012 at 7:14pm - misc - by wtf yourself, cunt (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend called out the word "scalpel" when he orgasmed. He won't tell me why. FML

#20072555
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22913) - you deserved it (2369)

On 09/15/2012 at 3:36am - intimacy - by not the scalpel (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was pulled over. The cop stated that he "couldn't see" me because I had "blended in with the dark car background", and that it looked like no one was driving. I was literally pulled over for being black. FML

#20068526
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37713) - you deserved it (2943)

On 09/12/2012 at 3:00am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I bought some bitter-apple spray to stop my puppy chewing on everything. Later, I found out how effective it was, when I tried to eat a sandwich, and gagged at the horrifying taste on my hands. My dog seems unaffected, and continues to chew the table legs. FML

#20057573
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17203) - you deserved it (3334)

On 09/04/2012 at 4:34pm - animals - by badwolf (man) - United States

Today, I was feeling depressed and got very, very drunk. This evening, I was feeling equally desperate, and ended up having to get my special dildo removed from my asshole at the hospital. FML

#20051425
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10295) - you deserved it (32084)

On 08/31/2012 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by pride? what's that? :( (woman) - Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant)

Today, I accidentally decoded the system my parents use for talking about sex while I'm around. It's a substituion cipher, using literary references. As they're both lit. professors, this has me perpetually grossed-out and wondering, "Are they really talking about Anne Frank, or anal fisting?" FML

#20042325
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19364) - you deserved it (1684)

On 08/26/2012 at 5:21am - misc - by ewww (woman) - United States (Washington)



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