About Zestus : Mm... Uni student from Tokyo who reads FML's when bored in the morning
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Today, while doing my job as a cart clerk, a gentleman went around the parking lot and picked some trash up, trying to help out. Faith in humanity: +1. About an hour later I saw a woman pick a bug off of her windshield and eat it. Faith in humanity: -200. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16672) - you deserved it (1453)
On 08/08/2012 at 7:23am - work - by TJ (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was at a Chinese buffet, and I got a fortune cookie. I opened it, and it said, "The love of your life is sitting across from you". The only thing across from me was an empty chair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25426) - you deserved it (2134)
On 08/07/2012 at 4:13pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, my girlfriend opened my refrigerator and began her standard moan: "You're a pig, you never clean up. Look at that egg, it makes me want to throw up, it's gone black, it’s covered in fuzz, IT'S GOT HAIR ON IT!" I got up to check it out. It was a Kiwi fruit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29532) - you deserved it (2909) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 08/02/2012 at 9:00am - love - by opinaise - France (Midi-Pyrenees)
Today, everyone found out about the strange but intense fetish I have for women physically lifting me. It all came out when my friend, a female bodybuilder, decided to grab and pick me up for a laugh. I came in my pants, in front of about twenty people. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30179) - you deserved it (6963)
On 07/25/2012 at 12:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I took a picture of myself seductively eating an apple. I don't know what I'm doing with my life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6308) - you deserved it (15861)
On 07/25/2012 at 2:14am - misc - by Rochelle (woman) - United States
Today, I continued my habit of saying, "It smells like lung cancer over here" any time I see a smoker. This guy turned out to be an amateur MMA fighter, and I was his "workout" for the day. I guess his lungs are doing fine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7419) - you deserved it (36551)
On 07/25/2012 at 12:10am - health - by xd3box - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was at work when a cute guy came up to me and said he liked my shirt. In a desperate attempt to say something back, I said, "Thanks, I like your shoelaces." FML
I agree, your life sucks (15924) - you deserved it (4305)
On 07/19/2012 at 6:31pm - love - by anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, my dad sat me down for a talk. After the talk, he wasn't my dad anymore. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32650) - you deserved it (1257)
On 07/15/2012 at 8:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my dad was making coffee for the family. Half-way through, he excused himself to the bathroom, so for a laugh, I discreetly poured a load of salt into his drink. When he served us, I drank a mouthful and doubled over hacking. My dad barked, "I wasn't born yesterday, son." FML
I agree, your life sucks (3499) - you deserved it (34113)
On 07/14/2012 at 4:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Nigeria (Lagos)
Today, I came home in tears after my boyfriend admitted to cheating on me. My dad told me to sit down and tell him everything. He's pretty eccentric, so I wasn't fazed when he put on a pair of sunglasses. When I stopped talking, I noticed his mouth was slightly agape and he was snoring. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19870) - you deserved it (1650)
On 07/13/2012 at 9:41pm - love - by heartbroken (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, an old guy approached me and asked if I had ever seen an elephant with white ears. I shook my head. He then pulled the pockets out of his shorts and whipped out his sex nose. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25674) - you deserved it (2936)
On 07/12/2012 at 2:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
I agree, your life sucks (29242) - you deserved it (6968)
On 07/05/2012 at 3:10pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)
Today, my girlfriend got a tattoo of a Rainbow Dash over her pubic mound. Now whenever I go down on her, I'll be eye-to-eye with an adorable pony that shits rainbows. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22929) - you deserved it (3474)
On 07/02/2012 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by nobrony (man) - United States (New York)
Today, a homeless man tried to sell me a "magic, one-finger glove". It was a used condom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23297) - you deserved it (2003)
On 06/24/2012 at 10:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was so out of it from a lack of sleep and an accidental antihistamine overdose, I tried to offer my cat a cup of tea, and actually got pissed off when he didn't reply. It took me a good five minutes to understand what just happened. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16495) - you deserved it (4285)
On 06/20/2012 at 10:09am - animals - by anonymous - United Kingdom
Monday 20 May 2013
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