About Zestus : Mm... Uni student from Tokyo who reads FML's when bored in the morning
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Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9040) - you deserved it (25202)
On 11/20/2012 at 3:43am - intimacy - by kinkicali (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I had the best sex of our relationship with my boyfriend. Afterwards, he took off his condom, looked me sweetly in the eyes for a few moments, then decided to slap me in the face with it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29365) - you deserved it (4775)
On 11/18/2012 at 5:53pm - intimacy - by besviken (woman) - Sweden (Uppsala Lan)
Today, I walked in on my son teabagging his sister over a video game. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16541) - you deserved it (1956)
On 11/09/2012 at 7:30pm - kids - by john r.t. (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, my friend showed me a video of me in a nightclub. I was holding two Skittles vodka shots and shouting, "Red and green, merry Kwanzaa!" The shots were yellow and purple. I can't remember that night at all. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5102) - you deserved it (14842)
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered "cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23720) - you deserved it (2245)
On 11/03/2012 at 2:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, my husband thought it would be funny to tell my 10-year-old son that if he wanted to get girls, he had to do the Gangnam Style. My son has now non-stop been doing the Gangnam Style. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16289) - you deserved it (3581)
On 10/28/2012 at 10:53am - kids - by friedbutter - Canada (Ontario)
Today, during dinner, my daughter rudely cut into my conversation and gushed that she's "like, totally" going to audition for a reality TV show next year, after I pay her way. Five minutes into her jaw-dropping stupidity, I had to physically restrain myself from slapping her out of her chair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16957) - you deserved it (4118)
On 10/26/2012 at 8:33pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Solihull)
Today, my daughter told me that she wanted to convert to a Christian. Not because she has a strong relation with God, but because she wants to post Facebook statuses about Him and "get a lot of likes." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17789) - you deserved it (2031)
On 10/24/2012 at 7:06pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and I asked him to call me something sweet. He called me Honey Boo Boo. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24561) - you deserved it (5287)
On 10/22/2012 at 11:18pm - intimacy - by TypeOhNegative (woman) - United States (Nevada)
Today, I walked into my room, only to find my 15-year-old brother violating my old teddy bear. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16637) - you deserved it (1196)
On 10/21/2012 at 2:54pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)
Today, I was woken up by my teenage son pulling down my shirt and taking pictures of my breasts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26431) - you deserved it (1929)
On 10/20/2012 at 4:42am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)
Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18847) - you deserved it (4575)
On 10/17/2012 at 12:45am - misc - by Holy Testacles (man) - United States
Today, I tried role playing with my boyfriend. As I came out in sexy lingerie, I announced, "I'm Natalia, a Russian spy fluent in 2 languages: Russian and your cock." He laughed so hard he practically pissed himself. The night ended in me doing his laundry. Alone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21206) - you deserved it (11995)
On 10/16/2012 at 8:36am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my husband let me know he felt I was ignoring him by jabbing me in the right ear with his erect penis while I was Skyping with my mum overseas. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24254) - you deserved it (3964)
On 10/10/2012 at 5:48pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)
Today, my husband let me know he felt I was ignoring him by jabbing me in the right ear with his erect penis while I was Skyping with my mum overseas. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24254) - you deserved it (3964)
On 10/10/2012 at 5:48pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)
Monday 20 May 2013
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