Zestus

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Zestus

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 20440
  • Number of comments : 82
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 11 posted

About Zestus : Mm... Uni student from Tokyo who reads FML's when bored in the morning
Hi.

Zestus's page activity

Visits<b>Lachen36</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 5:51am<b>muncherofice</b> - the 01/13/2016 at 7:52pm<b>Red_Curls1995</b> - the 12/30/2015 at 4:54pm<b>starlandmarie</b> - the 11/13/2015 at 3:54pm<b>andv888</b> - the 10/18/2015 at 2:21pm<b>Gwen4var</b> - the 09/18/2015 at 12:37pm<b>PixelKat</b> - the 09/12/2015 at 4:54pm<b>DazzaStephens</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 12:17pm<b>fireburnspeople</b> - the 07/19/2015 at 2:24pm<b>Cookrule5</b> - the 06/13/2015 at 9:10pm<b>CreepinCow</b> - the 05/21/2015 at 4:29pm<b>FuckingLifeMan</b> - the 05/15/2015 at 7:12pm<b>Scrambled</b> - the 05/01/2015 at 1:00am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/20/2015 at 9:03am<b>EnigMind</b> - the 04/02/2015 at 10:02am<b>cheesyfeet2001</b> - the 03/17/2015 at 3:33am<b>Cadillac_kid_15</b> - the 03/09/2015 at 10:20pm<b>Rababco</b> - the 01/08/2015 at 6:20pm

Zestus's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of Zestus's badges

Zestus's favorite FMLs

Today, I caught my mother trying to text on her iPhone, with her nipple. FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2011 at 6:46am / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Miscellaneous

Today, I admitted to my wife that I'd really like to get a Prius, but I was worried that if I did, everyone would question my sexuality. She told me, "I don't know why you care, everyone already thinks you're gay." FML

by Rich / 11/26/2011 at 3:50pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I shaved half my eyebrow off trying to shave my uni-brow. FML

by Anonymous / 11/26/2011 at 11:52am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, before my girlfriend gave me a blow job, she put on goggles. FML

by hitintheeye / 11/26/2011 at 10:09am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I found a condom on my bed with a note written by my girlfriend that said, "Since you started acting like a dick, you might as well dress like one." FML

by Dickhead / 11/25/2011 at 10:02am / Lebanon / Intimacy

Today, I got trapped in an elevator with a chicken. FML

by Anonymous / 11/24/2011 at 5:35am / United Kingdom / Work

Today, "Community" was pulled from its mid-season lineup, with plans to hopefully put it back on the schedule at some unknown time. It will probably be canceled. Meanwhile, "Whitney" is still on the air and doing fine. FML

by Anonymous / 11/15/2011 at 5:50am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, as a support worker, I spent 45 minutes making various attempts to calm a violent autistic kid. Just as soon as I was sure the crisis was over, he beat me as hard as he could with the "Things I Can Do When I'm Mad" book I'd given him. FML

by metallifreak44 / 11/14/2011 at 8:37am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I found an old jock strap in my tuba. FML

by jocksblow / 11/14/2011 at 8:23am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, like every day, I used my phone while taking a dump. As I reached for some toilet paper to wipe myself, my sister pounded on the door for me to hurry up. I yelled "Fine," and without realizing it, wiped myself with my phone. FML

by shootme / 11/13/2011 at 5:46pm / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, I got home late to find my dad outside mowing the lawn in the dark. I told him the neighbors were going to think he lost his marbles for mowing it at that time. He then informed me he wasn't mowing it, he was vacuuming it. FML

by Anonymous / 11/13/2011 at 3:40am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my daughter in law sent me another romantic text that was meant for her husband. Not only can't she spell for shit, the clichés she uses are horrifyingly embarrassing. The fact this keeps happening makes me want to slam her head in the oven. FML

by Username / 11/12/2011 at 4:42pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, like every day since my birth, my name is Spreme. Yeah, you probably have trouble pronouncing it correctly too. FML

by Nico / 11/12/2011 at 10:42am / France / Miscellaneous

Today, I cut my penis on a desk fan. FML

by dumbassbuffet / 11/11/2011 at 10:53am / Canada (Manitoba) / Intimacy

Today, I cut my penis on a desk fan. FML

by dumbassbuffet / 11/11/2011 at 10:53am / Canada (Manitoba) / Intimacy