VonBlitzkrieg

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VonBlitzkrieg

24Fucked!

VonBlitzkriegVonBlitzkrieg
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 10 May 1995 (21 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2006
  • Number of comments : 232
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About VonBlitzkrieg : I frequent this site to laugh at your misery. This site has taught me two things: 1. Cats are assholes. 2. You can't trust hobos.

Me personally, I am a die-hard metalhead, I play guitar, I speak Spanish, plenty of German, tons of Italian, and I just picked up French. Also, I'm atheist, and I love muscle cars. Did I mention I vape? I vape.

I can see who checks out my profile. I'm flattered.

VonBlitzkrieg's page activity

Visits<b>French_giirl</b> - the 09/20/2016 at 11:42am<b>ItnHmn</b> - the 09/19/2016 at 1:17pm<b>benjus</b> - the 09/16/2016 at 3:20pm<b>HelloKiittyy</b> - the 09/16/2016 at 3:03pm<b>legoman213579</b> - the 07/10/2016 at 11:08pm<b>vampirechick105</b> - the 06/29/2016 at 9:31pm<b>keithsbooty</b> - the 06/28/2016 at 6:17am<b>aliceaudrey1997</b> - the 06/28/2016 at 4:01am<b>Bliepje</b> - the 06/16/2016 at 6:16pm<b>zah2an724</b> - the 06/11/2016 at 1:30am<b>tim374</b> - the 06/10/2016 at 10:23pm<b>cameron6731</b> - the 06/10/2016 at 5:06pm<b>Pointy</b> - the 06/10/2016 at 3:34pm<b>ThunderLightTSV</b> - the 06/04/2016 at 9:53pm<b>noodlemantra</b> - the 05/28/2016 at 5:28am<b>billboob</b> - the 05/12/2016 at 2:54am<b>TrippingOnAcid</b> - the 04/29/2016 at 1:46pm<b>minniemommy</b> - the 04/28/2016 at 2:24pm

Fucked!<b>ItnHmn</b> - the 09/19/2016 at 7:19pm<b>aliceaudrey1997</b> - the 06/28/2016 at 10:02am<b>ThunderLightTSV</b> - the 06/05/2016 at 3:53am<b>minniemommy</b> - the 04/28/2016 at 8:24pm<b>andrmac</b> - the 04/08/2016 at 4:06pm<b>Abidawe</b> - the 03/01/2016 at 4:11pm<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 01/31/2016 at 3:26am<b>sturschaedel</b> - the 01/19/2016 at 7:48pm<b>HarleyBlues</b> - the 09/10/2015 at 4:39pm<b>Girlshotdown1</b> - the 09/10/2015 at 4:59am<b>Hans182</b> - the 08/16/2015 at 1:29pm<b>radApple</b> - the 08/15/2015 at 10:56am<b>C_Celine_101</b> - the 07/17/2015 at 10:30pm<b>Angsty_Armadillo</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 5:57pm<b>Malteser95</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 2:49pm<b>Wsparta</b> - the 05/03/2015 at 9:05am<b>weirdmaster25</b> - the 04/22/2015 at 5:25am<b>Zigstyle308</b> - the 04/21/2015 at 9:42pm

VonBlitzkrieg's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

See all of VonBlitzkrieg's badges

VonBlitzkrieg's favorite FMLs

Today, I received a friend request from a boyfriend I hadn't talked to in 20+ years. A few minutes later he messaged me a picture of himself with a young woman at a strip club. My daughter. FML

by Redhottt6 / 08/04/2016 at 9:24pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I did a California stop during a drive with my Driver's Ed teacher. He made me get out, hug the stop sign and apologize to it. FML

by Anonymous / 07/08/2016 at 9:13pm / Transportation

Today, I told my friend I'm going vegetarian. He's now calling me "Reek" after the guy from Game of Thrones, because I'm apparently a "dickless loser" now. FML

by Reek / 06/22/2016 at 10:29am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my brother walked in on me jerking off. I managed to close the porn tab, at least, only to end up on my mom's Facebook profile. FML

by Anonymous / 05/20/2016 at 12:59pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, some people in my class here in New Zealand found out that I'm from Canada, then spent the rest of the period asking if I had a pet moose and whether or not I lived in an igloo. They were completely genuine questions. FML

by nootnoot / 05/10/2016 at 2:33am / New Zealand (Gisborne) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took my boyfriend of 2 years on a family vacation to meet my family for the first time. We all got really drunk and he made out with my dad. This was day one and we don't fly back for another 16 days. FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2016 at 1:48pm / United States (Oregon) / Holidays

Today, I had to spend a depressingly long time convincing my 29-year-old husband that our house isn't haunted and that the door slammed shut because it was windy outside. I repeat, "29-year-old husband" and "haunted". It's like I'm married to a child. FML

by fml_anon / 03/19/2016 at 4:33am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was washing my hands in a public bathroom when a lady came in, looked at me in the mirror and then opened the door again to check if she was in the right bathroom. FML

by itsnotalright / 03/17/2016 at 12:25am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my little cousin told me about how he never wipes his ass, because if he doesn't he doesn't need to wash his hands. FML

by 1meme129 / 02/24/2016 at 9:12am / United States (Colorado) / Kids

Today, I was sleeping peacefully with my cat sweetly snuggling my legs under the covers. My husband dutch-ovened her, and she shredded my calves as she rushed to escape. FML

by injuredwifelady / 02/23/2016 at 3:23am / United States (Nebraska) / Animals

Today, my ex-girlfriend woke up from a coma that lasted a few months. Her parents called me from the hospital shortly after because she was in hysterics that I wasn't there. Apparently she thinks we're still together, and I now have to somehow break up with her again after almost a year apart. FML

by oh / 02/22/2016 at 9:41pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, a customer brought his cat in to be euthanized. I told him to "have a nice day" as he was leaving. FML

by FootInMyMouth / 02/13/2016 at 5:56pm / United States (Florida) / Animals

Today, I tutored a third grade girl after school. She was squirming so much I thought she had to go to the bathroom. Turns out, she was just masturbating on the corner of a school chair. FML

by Katie1921 / 02/08/2016 at 9:52pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I walked into a room to help a patient get ready for bed. Except she already was in bed, with two other male patients. I work in a retirement home. FML

by Anonymous / 01/26/2016 at 5:22pm / Netherlands (Noord-Brabant) / Work

Today, my parents installed spyware on my computer after reading an article about teens ordering drugs from the deep web. Now I'm too afraid to watch porn because I don't want my parents to know when I'm jacking off. FML

by AustinFFA / 01/22/2016 at 11:46am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.