VonBlitzkrieg

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VonBlitzkrieg

21Fucked!

VonBlitzkriegVonBlitzkrieg
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 23 April 1995 (21 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1705
  • Number of comments : 220
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About VonBlitzkrieg : I frequent this site to laugh at your misery. This site has taught me two things: 1. Cats are assholes. 2. You can't trust hobos.

Me personally, I am a die-hard metalhead, I play guitar, I speak Spanish, plenty of German, tons of Italian, and I just picked up French. Also, I'm atheist, and I love muscle cars. Did I mention I vape? I vape.

I can see who checks out my profile. I'm flattered.

VonBlitzkrieg's page activity

Visits<b>TrippingOnAcid</b> - the 04/29/2016 at 1:46pm<b>minniemommy</b> - the 04/28/2016 at 2:24pm<b>sturschaedel</b> - the 04/28/2016 at 2:10pm<b>Raelthelamb</b> - the 04/27/2016 at 1:41pm<b>AlwaysWatching</b> - the 04/25/2016 at 6:25pm<b>thatoneguy1111</b> - the 04/25/2016 at 5:10pm<b>IAm123</b> - the 04/18/2016 at 12:41am<b>shanewh40</b> - the 04/08/2016 at 11:16pm<b>andrmac</b> - the 04/08/2016 at 10:06am<b>Stxsyh</b> - the 04/04/2016 at 2:24pm<b>l4urenz</b> - the 04/04/2016 at 10:58am<b>YellowSquirrel92</b> - the 03/20/2016 at 12:52am<b>pepperoninipples</b> - the 03/19/2016 at 5:00am<b>Mons</b> - the 03/17/2016 at 5:56pm<b>KayDee29</b> - the 03/16/2016 at 3:40pm<b>Abidawe</b> - the 03/01/2016 at 10:11am<b>im_a_squid</b> - the 02/29/2016 at 8:24pm<b>Noelletakumi</b> - the 02/29/2016 at 5:57pm

Fucked!<b>minniemommy</b> - the 04/28/2016 at 8:24pm<b>andrmac</b> - the 04/08/2016 at 4:06pm<b>Abidawe</b> - the 03/01/2016 at 4:11pm<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 01/31/2016 at 3:26am<b>sturschaedel</b> - the 01/19/2016 at 7:48pm<b>HarleyBlues</b> - the 09/10/2015 at 4:39pm<b>Girlshotdown1</b> - the 09/10/2015 at 4:59am<b>Hans182</b> - the 08/16/2015 at 1:29pm<b>radApple</b> - the 08/15/2015 at 10:56am<b>C_Celine_101</b> - the 07/17/2015 at 10:30pm<b>Angsty_Armadillo</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 5:57pm<b>Malteser95</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 2:49pm<b>Wsparta</b> - the 05/03/2015 at 9:05am<b>weirdmaster25</b> - the 04/22/2015 at 5:25am<b>Zigstyle308</b> - the 04/21/2015 at 9:42pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/21/2015 at 8:36pm<b>Aruquience</b> - the 04/21/2015 at 6:46pm<b>Cautocracy</b> - the 03/16/2015 at 1:48pm

VonBlitzkrieg's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

See all of VonBlitzkrieg's badges

VonBlitzkrieg's favorite FMLs

Today, I took my boyfriend of 2 years on a family vacation to meet my family for the first time. We all got really drunk and he made out with my dad. This was day one and we don't fly back for another 16 days. FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2016 at 1:48pm / United States (Oregon) / Holidays

Today, I had to spend a depressingly long time convincing my 29-year-old husband that our house isn't haunted and that the door slammed shut because it was windy outside. I repeat, "29-year-old husband" and "haunted". It's like I'm married to a child. FML

by fml_anon / 03/19/2016 at 4:33am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was washing my hands in a public bathroom when a lady came in, looked at me in the mirror and then opened the door again to check if she was in the right bathroom. FML

Today, my little cousin told me about how he never wipes his ass, because if he doesn't he doesn't need to wash his hands. FML

by 1meme129 / 02/24/2016 at 9:12am / United States (Colorado) / Kids

Today, I was sleeping peacefully with my cat sweetly snuggling my legs under the covers. My husband dutch-ovened her, and she shredded my calves as she rushed to escape. FML

by injuredwifelady / 02/23/2016 at 3:23am / United States (Nebraska) / Animals

Today, my ex-girlfriend woke up from a coma that lasted a few months. Her parents called me from the hospital shortly after because she was in hysterics that I wasn't there. Apparently she thinks we're still together, and I now have to somehow break up with her again after almost a year apart. FML

by oh / 02/22/2016 at 9:41pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, a customer brought his cat in to be euthanized. I told him to "have a nice day" as he was leaving. FML

by FootInMyMouth / 02/13/2016 at 5:56pm / United States (Florida) / Animals

Today, I tutored a third grade girl after school. She was squirming so much I thought she had to go to the bathroom. Turns out, she was just masturbating on the corner of a school chair. FML

Today, I walked into a room to help a patient get ready for bed. Except she already was in bed, with two other male patients. I work in a retirement home. FML

by Anonymous / 01/26/2016 at 5:22pm / Netherlands (Noord-Brabant) / Work

Today, my parents installed spyware on my computer after reading an article about teens ordering drugs from the deep web. Now I'm too afraid to watch porn because I don't want my parents to know when I'm jacking off. FML

Today, while I was taking a shower, my boyfriend came into the bathroom to ask me a question. When I got out of the shower, I was greeted with a horrifying cutout of Michael Jackson. I fell backwards, shattering the glass shower door. I needed stitches. FML

Today, I was starting to get freaky with my boyfriend when his dad came in with no warning to let the dog into my boyfriend's bedroom. His dad noticed what was going on and covered the dog's eyes instead of just leaving. FML

by Garfield / 01/20/2016 at 11:41pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I felt kind of horny for once, so I texted my boyfriend to let him know he'd be getting some action later. He replied "I'm gonna fucken murder ur pussy when I get back!! :D" And just like that my sex drive once again crashed through the floor. FML

by Anonymous / 01/16/2016 at 1:40am / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, I found $20 under my car seat, so I put it in the cup holder, only for it to fly out of the window while going down the highway. FML

by ehcanadianeh / 12/13/2015 at 3:04pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, my friend took me tandem skydiving. When it was time to jump, he began crying, said he'd cut our parachute cords, then said "Goodbye, cruel world!" and pushed me off the plane with him strapped to my back. I pissed myself and cried like a bitch. He thinks his "prank" was hilarious. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2015 at 3:36pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous