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Offline (the 03/29/2015 at 6:34am) | Search for a member
About UnikornG33K : Music, radio, concerts.
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
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Today, I discovered the downside to having a "sneak-attacks-allowed" tickle war with my 4-year-old son. I had to explain to several outraged strangers at the supermarket why my son kept flinching an pulling away whenever I made any sudden movements near him. FML
Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my nieghbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML
Today, My Grlfriend Was Feeling Down Cuz She Has Putted On Some Weight. I Tried To Make Her Feel Better By Showing Her I Can Still Pick Her Up. I Can, An I Was Even Able To Hide The Fact That I Shat Myself Doing It. I'm So Romantic. Real FML
Today, I smacked my kid on top of the head fir spinning the display rack while I was looking at greeting cards!! It wasn't until he dramatically screamed an dropped to the floor wailing that I realized he wasn't my daughter!! FML
Today, after leaving mah mom's house, I got 4 text messages from her about how I was a terrible person fir not saying goodbye to mah sister when I left !! The "sister" she was referring to is the family dog !! mega FML
Today , mah son looool got a beating. Apparently , he went to a club , waited until he saw a couple of girls pulling a duckface for a photo , then rushed over and threw pieces of bread at them. Thier boyfriends , not too surprisingly , didn't appreciate this. I had to drive the idiot home from the hospital. FML
Taday I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school , when out of nowhere a brd smashed into the windshield !! Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me , my daughter started laughing , eventually calling the brd a ( stupid bastard ) !! FML
Friday 27 March 2015