About TwentyFourXXIV : I'll take your happiness...
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You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
TwentyFourXXIV's favorite FMLs
Today, I had sex with the guy who had been the main subject of my bean-flicking fantasies since I met him. It was the absolute worst sex of my life. I guess some things are just better left to the imagination. FML
by WhatALetdown / 11/24/2015 at 7:26pm / United States (Connecticut) / Intimacy
Today, I spent an hour trying to sleep before work, but I couldn't because my two dogs wouldn't stop barking. Completely pissed off, I finally went and told the little fuck nuggets to shut the shit up. I was then immediately knocked unconscious by the burglar in my house. FML
by SilentSin / 08/24/2015 at 10:02pm / United States (Georgia) / Animals
Today, I told my boyfriend I was horny and was waiting for him at my place. 30 minutes later, he still hadn't arrived, so I called him and asked if he was coming. He replied "Already did, right into a kleenex." and hung up. FML
by Anonymous / 06/04/2015 at 8:26am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/23/2015 at 3:03am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by Strainer / 05/23/2015 at 12:38am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Random737193 / 05/07/2015 at 3:52pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
by Anonymous / 05/03/2015 at 3:42am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/25/2015 at 1:32pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I asked my dad to please shave his awful beard, because I'm a laughing-stock at school for being picked up each day by a guy whose face looks like Bigfoot's ass. He agreed, and 10 minutes later was sporting a pedo-stache. It's going to be a long year. FML
by assholedad / 02/11/2015 at 4:00pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, while using a public toilet, a guy started pissing beside me at the urinal. The breach of bathroom etiquette then escalated to him taking a long look down at me and saying "Nice sack, dude." followed by him finishing up and leaving without even washing his hands. FML
by Anonymous / 11/20/2014 at 11:35am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/30/2014 at 4:55pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend. Everything seemed to be going well, when all of a sudden he turned to look at me with a pensive and thoughtful expression. I expected him to say something important, but instead he just said, "I was wondering, how does it feel to be fat?" FML
by teddyissmall / 04/14/2014 at 2:29am / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy
Today, fed up with my nerdy appearance, I got my hair shaved off, hoping for a Walter White kind of look. I didn't think it was too bad, but not even an hour later, I'd already been called a "fat Bruce Willis" and compared to a freshly circumcised penis. FML
by richard / 03/21/2014 at 12:10pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by khfhjfsb / 02/04/2014 at 7:41pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, I was in the process of finally losing my virginity. Part-way through, my neighbour started shouting from his backyard, "Go, Nicolas! You can do it!" He was talking to his son, but the two of us have the same name. I couldn't finish. FML
by prochainefois / 01/31/2014 at 4:05pm / Intimacy
- Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend… Today, I was handling corrosive chemicals when I accidentally spilled a beaker of Hydrochloric Acid… Today, my boyfriend keeps requesting that I make eye contact when I give him blowjobs. He won't let…