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Who’s the fairest of them all?
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50 favourites
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Today, my 16-year-old son convinced my 14-year-old daughter that she wasn't allowed to use the ladies bathroom at the shopping centre, because she wasn't wearing a dress like the girl on the sign. He told her girls in pants always used the other one. She believed him. This is my legacy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35244) - you deserved it (4516)
On 04/08/2013 at 12:26am - kids - by badparent (woman) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I found an invisible ink pen. I drew on my arms, thinking nobody would see it. I had an allergic reaction to the ink, and I now have three very large, very visible, red penises on my forearm. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12040) - you deserved it (44937)
On 04/07/2013 at 8:30pm - health - by maturity - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I was discussing possible career choices with my relatives. Pretty much everyone expressed the belief that I'm screwed for life, with my grandma commenting later: "She ain't even got the tits for porn. God help her." FML
I agree, your life sucks (37653) - you deserved it (2755)
On 04/06/2013 at 3:41pm - work - by flea-bitten (woman) - United States
Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML
I agree, your life sucks (42359) - you deserved it (8207)
On 04/06/2013 at 3:13pm - intimacy - by dating walter white's gf apparently (man) - United Kingdom
Today, my best friend was throwing me my bachelorette partly. A cop came by and said there have been complaints about the noise. Thinking he was the stripper we ordered, we pulled him into the house. He was an actual cop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35052) - you deserved it (15547)
On 04/06/2013 at 8:55am - misc - by Evalynne - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34357) - you deserved it (2282)
On 04/04/2013 at 6:52pm - kids - by anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was trying out my first vibrator. Soon enough, my 12-year-old sister opened my door, walked in, and saw me naked from the waist down. She laughed, called me a virgin, and left. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41756) - you deserved it (12300)
On 04/04/2013 at 12:04pm - intimacy - by Ribbed for Her Disaster (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)
Today, my sister gave my laptop away and dumped a pile of her hamster's turds on my bed. All of this because I flushed the toilet while she was in the shower last night. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34720) - you deserved it (4446)
Today, my coworker learned that I'm an Israeli Jew. He told me, in the same sentence, that Jews should "get the fuck out of Israel" and also "get out of Australia and back to your own country." Um, what? FML
I agree, your life sucks (29086) - you deserved it (5297)
On 04/03/2013 at 1:53am - work - by JewSoSilly (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my older brother walked in on me while I was wearing nothing but a bra, panties, pantyhose, and high heels. I'm his little brother. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19108) - you deserved it (58125)
On 04/02/2013 at 6:52pm - misc - by SayCheese - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I got a letter from Yale law school saying I got a 4 year full scholarship. I called my dad crying and read the whole thing... even the bottom, which said, "April fools! Love mom and dad." FML
I agree, your life sucks (52803) - you deserved it (4243)
On 04/01/2013 at 1:46pm - misc - by madiison09 - United States
Today, while working at a porn store, a group of six people tried to return used toys and penis pumps. Even though you can't return any items, it's still an unfortunately common occurrence. The semen in these particular toys, however, is not. All of them began shouting at me for not refunding them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34083) - you deserved it (4848)
On 04/01/2013 at 7:57am - intimacy - by ohgodwhyyoufreaks (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, one of my 5-year-old son's teeth fell out, but he's quite scatterbrained and he lost it. He did however find my vibrating duck under my pillow, and is now crying because he thinks that I stole his tooth so that the tooth fairy would bring me a toy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26244) - you deserved it (5421) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 03/31/2013 at 7:35pm - kids - by laptitesouris (woman) - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)
Today, I came home from work to my 4-year old daughter cussing left and right. I asked her about it; she said that her brother had taught her some words. When I confronted him about the situation, he kicked my shin and screamed, "Stop treating me like a fucking child!" He's 5. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33567) - you deserved it (12633)
On 03/28/2013 at 9:13pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I was on a girls' trip in Las Vegas. I met a cute guy at a bar and we were going back to his hotel room together. On the way up, he asked me how much it would cost. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33904) - you deserved it (12883)
On 03/28/2013 at 7:58pm - intimacy - by Hooker (woman) - United States
Monday 17 June 2013
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