About Tiwuz : I have no life, so fuck it.
My life consists of writing something over and over for an hour, and then eventually not posting it.
Addicting to modding! Almost always on. I don't know if that's useful for you to know... probably not.
About Tiwuz : I have no life, so fuck it.
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Tiwuz's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 08/15/2012 at 7:40am / United Kingdom (Kent) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/15/2012 at 2:18am / United States / Transportation
Today, I witnessed my girlfriend and best "friend" getting intimate. In a dim-witted attempt to cover up, my best friend proclaimed, "This isn't what it looks like!" I might have given him the benefit of the doubt, had he not still been inside my girlfriend at the time. FML
by Anonymous / 08/15/2012 at 12:04am / Australia / Intimacy
Today, wanting to be romantic, I came home with flowers, and told my girlfriend I love her and that I never want us to fall apart. Before I could finish my second sentence, she farted, said, "Aww, that's so sweet" and quickly excused herself to the bathroom. FML
by Anonymous / 08/14/2012 at 8:12pm / United States / Love
Today, my fiancée showed me her wedding plans. It will be themed on one of her video games, the best man will be dressed as an alien warlord, and the vows talk about how we'll beat the odds and be blessed by the "Goddess Kalahira". Apparently, I have no say in this. FML
by cestquoicebordel?? / 08/14/2012 at 6:50pm / France / Love
by happybirthday / 08/12/2012 at 1:49am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML
by diggingaplotforone / 08/11/2012 at 7:47pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend cutely climbed through my bedroom window for some sexy time. He decided he'd introduce bondage. As I was tied to the bed, completely naked, we heard the front door open. He got scared and left via the window, leaving me handcuffed to my bed. FML
by dafuqdidihear / 08/11/2012 at 2:53am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I accidentally sprayed some perfume in my eye. After rinsing said burning eye with water for a few minutes, I half-blindly grabbed the eyedrops my sister left on the counter and used some. They were actually tea tree oil drops. Ouch. FML
by Anonymous / 08/11/2012 at 2:21am / United States (California) / Health
Today, I discovered that when a cyclist tears down the street, slaps you across the face as he passes, looks back laughing and flips you off, then crashes into a lamppost, he'll still blame you and threaten to sue, even after you rush over to check his injuries. FML
by dumbasdogshit / 08/10/2012 at 8:45pm / Australia (Queensland) / Health
Today, after much debate, my husband convinced me to let his scumbag brother babysit our seven-year-old son while we went out to a restaurant. When we got home, we found him teaching our son how to pick the lock to our liquor cabinet. My husband is unapologetic. FML
by shira512 / 08/10/2012 at 7:59pm / United Kingdom (Havering) / Kids
Today, my new boss, the CEO's son, finally showed up for work, three days late and right after lunch break. His first order of business was to call a meeting and scream at everyone for not having a diet latte waiting for him on his desk. God help us all. FML
by SHIIIIITTTT / 08/10/2012 at 7:16pm / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, the summer camp I work at had its annual scavenger hunt, wherein the counselors hide and the kids look for us. It was my first year there, so some of my colleagues showed me the "best hiding spot." Two hours later, still undiscovered, I realized they just wanted to get rid of me. FML
by nalathelionqueen / 08/10/2012 at 6:44pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend, who I've loved and dated for over a year, confessed that she's actually straight as an arrow. All this time, she's basically been using me as an accessory to enhance her "social status" and make her guy friends horny. FML
by Anonymous / 08/10/2012 at 6:06pm / Thailand (Krung Thep) / Love
Today, I went to an amusement park with a group of friends, one of whom was a girl I really like. When we got on the roller coaster, I was ecstatic that she wanted to sit next to me. Not even half-way through, I ended up puking all over the both of us. FML
by Darth Vomitus / 08/10/2012 at 2:54pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love
- Today, I was cuddling in bed with my boyfriend when he started squeezing me as if I were a ketchup… Today, I was feeling really horny. I decided to send dirty texts to my girlfriend. I sent the first… Today, I lost my virginity to my long time boyfriend and found out I'm severely allergic to latex.…