Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Tiwuz

Search for a member

Tiwuz

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not so sure
  • Number of visits : 1219
  • Number of comments : 47
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About Tiwuz : I have no life, so fuck it.

My life consists of writing something over and over for an hour, and then eventually not posting it.

Addicting to modding! Almost always on. I don't know if that's useful for you to know... probably not.

Tiwuz's page activity

Visits<b>ApexReaper</b> - the 05/31/2013 at 11:05am<b>SydneyGrey</b> - the 05/10/2013 at 8:39pm<b>Fiffy</b> - the 04/29/2013 at 10:47pm<b>megnog</b> - the 04/16/2013 at 12:41am<b>deathlumpzx3</b> - the 02/09/2013 at 3:56pm<b>Covenant74</b> - the 01/17/2013 at 4:48pm<b>NekoZombie</b> - the 01/13/2013 at 6:08am<b>PinkKawaiiChic</b> - the 12/20/2012 at 10:44am<b>kiwi2006</b> - the 10/22/2012 at 11:35am<b>Yunadori</b> - the 10/11/2012 at 8:08pm<b>outoftown</b> - the 09/29/2012 at 8:39pm<b>lmc94</b> - the 09/18/2012 at 11:52am<b>munzapoppa</b> - the 09/13/2012 at 4:34pm<b>trqskq</b> - the 08/29/2012 at 11:20am<b>Baustigt</b> - the 08/28/2012 at 11:21am<b>llamafish</b> - the 08/27/2012 at 1:49pm

Tiwuz's FML badges

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Seen it!

You’ve watched 5 FML videos on the website, and commented on them.

See all of Tiwuz's badges

Tiwuz's favorite FMLs

Today, a baseball bat fell on my head while my boyfriend and I were cuddling. The same baseball bat that he keeps next to the bed, because he genuinely fears a zombie outbreak. FML

#20039608
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18103) - you deserved it (3320)

On 08/24/2012 at 5:10pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Walsall)

Today, my friends set me up on a blind date. I thought it went well, and while saying our goodbyes, I leaned in to give her a kiss. She pulled way, laughed, "I'm not drunk enough for that," and left. FML

#20039589
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20837) - you deserved it (3095)

On 08/24/2012 at 5:00pm - love - by OMFG I LOVE MLP - Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz)

Today, my mom called while I was at a job interview. I ignored the call, but the interviewer was so offended by the fact I'd rudely left it on at all, that he threw me out. I found out from my mom later that she'd called to wish me good luck. FML

#20039352
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11100) - you deserved it (21362)

On 08/24/2012 at 2:00pm - work - by unemployed (man) - United States (California)

Today, my dog was diagnosed with depression. I got him to help with my depression. I guess we can just be miserable together. FML

#20039193
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27402) - you deserved it (2527)

On 08/24/2012 at 11:45am - animals - by alix - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, my boyfriend actually held onto my love handles while we were having sex. He said they "made it easier." FML

#20039086
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23022) - you deserved it (9230)

On 08/24/2012 at 9:53am - intimacy - by chunkymonkey (woman) - United States

Today, I was taking a relaxing bath. My cat decided to sit on the ledge, which is normal for her, but today she fell in. I never knew how painful it was to be scratched down there until today. FML

#20038908
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20132) - you deserved it (2384)

On 08/24/2012 at 5:33am - animals - by murphy22 - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I woke up by inhaling a fly up my nose, and feeling it twitching and slowly dying inside my nasal cavity. FML

#20027750
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26682) - you deserved it (1772)

On 08/18/2012 at 3:49am - misc - by sneaky1324 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found out that my new husband is expecting two children: ours, due in January, and our 16-year-old neighbor's, due in March. FML

Today, I found out that instead of going on a date with a girl I've liked for months, I'm going to be forced to have lunch with my grandmother tomorrow. Instead of losing my virginity, I will get to be interrogated about why I'm single. FML

#20022706
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25080) - you deserved it (6408)

On 08/15/2012 at 3:07pm - intimacy - by foreveravirgin (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was drawing while on the train, when a very good-looking woman looked at my work and said, "Wow, she's pretty. Is it supposed to be me?" She said it in a flirty tone, but before I could stop myself, I'd said "nah, it's just a generic face". FML

#20022605
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19373) - you deserved it (9345)

On 08/15/2012 at 1:41pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head on the living room couch. Apparently his two cats didn't approve, and they started attacking my face. Luckily for him, since my boyfriend was holding my head down, his privates didn't get a scratch. FML

#20022569
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26148) - you deserved it (4870)

On 08/15/2012 at 1:15pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, thanks to a new form of birth control, I've now been having my period non-stop for six weeks. FML

#20022564
346 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36523) - you deserved it (4049)

On 08/15/2012 at 1:08pm - health - by theflow (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, it finally clicked in my mind how desperately lonely I am, when I shaved one of my legs just to find out what a woman's leg feels like. FML

#20022524
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23098) - you deserved it (7872)

On 08/15/2012 at 12:46pm - love - by lonely. (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend started a huge fight with me over how I don't have the right to have close female friends anymore. She ended up storming off, and won't return my calls. But no worries: she did just play the word "murder" in our game of Words With Friends. Very comforting. FML

Today, my father tried to secretly follow me all day, because he doesn't believe that I have any "real" errands to run or friends to meet with. He's actually convinced that I'm living some secret double life with another family. FML

#20022416
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20285) - you deserved it (1366)

On 08/15/2012 at 11:15am - misc - by Bree - United States



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: