About Tiwuz : I have no life, so fuck it.
My life consists of writing something over and over for an hour, and then eventually not posting it.
Addicting to modding! Almost always on. I don't know if that's useful for you to know... probably not.
About Tiwuz : I have no life, so fuck it.
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Tiwuz's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend told me that he had once been possessed by demons, and that he now sleeps with a knife under his pillow for protection from, "The dark spirits that are feasting upon his soul." I'm not sure that I'll be sleeping over anytime soon. FML
by StillBetterThanTwilight / 08/28/2012 at 11:56am / United States (Minnesota) / Love
by anonya / 08/28/2012 at 12:43am / United States (California) / Animals
by S. / 08/26/2012 at 12:20pm / Estonia / Miscellaneous
Today, I accidentally decoded the system my parents use for talking about sex while I'm around. It's a substituion cipher, using literary references. As they're both lit. professors, this has me perpetually grossed-out and wondering, "Are they really talking about Anne Frank, or anal fisting?" FML
by ewww / 08/26/2012 at 5:21am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by brylynn / 08/25/2012 at 9:58pm / United States / Health
Today, my swimming coach made us swim fifty laps non-stop as punishment for his previous class being unable to swim a drill properly. They're 8-11 year olds who are still learning to swim. I feel like my arms and legs are filled with lead. FML
by blue / 08/25/2012 at 5:59pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Health
by missTyfied / 08/25/2012 at 3:11pm / Philippines (Rizal) / Animals
Today, while I was at work, my wife sent me a few pictures of her in a new lingerie, to "spice up" my day. She didn't realize that I have iCloud turned on so I can share files with my colleagues. My boss and a dozen other employees received the same pictures. FML
by Michael D. / 08/25/2012 at 12:06pm / United States (Georgia) / Work
by Anonymous / 08/25/2012 at 11:48am / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Miscellaneous
Today, I learned that just because the actual part of the pan that does touch the stove isn't hot doesn't mean that the handle won't give you third degree burns, a broken nose from passing out from the pain, and an expensive trip to the emergency room. FML
by Anonymous / 08/25/2012 at 9:15am / United States / Health
by Anonymous / 08/25/2012 at 8:47am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out that my crush didn't remember calling me beautiful, telling me he liked me, or any of the other romantic things he said to me while drunk last night. He did however remember me promising to bake him cookies. FML
by coolcocoxxx / 08/25/2012 at 2:53am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at a job interview. The interviewer spoke to me for a few minutes, then said she would be right back, and left. I was left alone in a room for an hour and a half believing that it was a patience test. They closed the store for the day, leaving me in the interview room. FML
by Anonymous / 08/24/2012 at 11:31pm / United States (Arizona) / Work
Today, a thirty-something guy swaggered into my workplace. He was wearing shutter shades and torn jeans, and claimed to be our new boss. I called security to throw him out, at which point he produced his ID and let me know I'd be attending an employee review session next week. FML
by Anonymous / 08/24/2012 at 8:20pm / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Work
Today, after getting home from a twelve-hour shift at work, I got into bed and passed out. My mother soon woke me up, screaming that she could tell I was "fake sleeping" and ignoring her lecture on how I need to stop being so "lazy". FML
by ipayyourbillsgorramit / 08/24/2012 at 7:29pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…