About ThexVengence : Just a lollypop triple dipped in psyco.
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Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML
I agree, your life sucks (68744) - you deserved it (3075)
On 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm - animals - by halliemarie1818 - United States
Today, my loyalty and regularity at my local pizza place were noticed. The delivery guy, when bringing yet another order, asked me if the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were living with me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21385) - you deserved it (7522) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 01/31/2013 at 7:26am - misc - by heallven - Sent from mobile version
Today, I learned it's a bad idea to text and smoke while drunk, because there is an increased risk of throwing your phone off the balcony and sticking your cigarette into your pocket. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9348) - you deserved it (38811)
On 01/30/2013 at 5:13am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I found a wounded turkey in our backyard. I brought it inside, put it in a cage, and tended to its wounds. I then left. When I got back home, I smelled the wonderful aroma of my mother's cooking. She had prepared a turkey, the one I'd rescued. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17632) - you deserved it (3358)
On 11/13/2012 at 6:17pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)
Today, I was using a penis pump for the first time. It was awesome until it sucked my left testicle into the tube. I'll be singing soprano for a while now. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7677) - you deserved it (26879)
On 07/17/2012 at 11:32am - intimacy - by tuggernuts (man) - United States
Today, after a long night of partying, I fell asleep, while my bride was delivering her vows. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4572) - you deserved it (37961)
On 06/09/2012 at 7:04pm - love - by UnluckyGroom (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, in a drunken state, I decided that it would be a good idea to shave with a pizza cutter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4215) - you deserved it (20777)
On 06/07/2012 at 8:10am - health - by Darwin_Award_Winner (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I have been awake so long I hallucinated a llama in my living room. I have a medical condition that keeps me from sleeping properly. I've run out of medication. I still see the llama. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24461) - you deserved it (1904)
On 04/17/2012 at 5:38am - health - by SeeingLlamas (woman) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, my mom was put in jail for beating the shit out of my dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28872) - you deserved it (1905)
On 03/17/2012 at 12:53am - misc - by Taylor Easley - United States (California)
Today, I was preparing dinner for my in-laws for the first time. Nervous, I accidentally spilled the pasta into the sink. With nothing else to prepare, I quickly scooped it all back out. No-one would have been any the wiser, if the kitchen sponge hadn't shown up in the middle of the meal. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8204) - you deserved it (23860) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, I was having lunch at McDonald's when I dropped a French fry down my shirt. It stuck out the top of my bra. Before I had the chance to remove it, a creepy man picked it out and ate it saying that it was the best French fry he had ever eaten. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36669) - you deserved it (3436)
Today, I switched from pads to tampons. It took me several botched attempts trying insert one before I succeeded, and now I feel like I've just raped myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28511) - you deserved it (10414)
On 01/15/2012 at 1:17pm - intimacy - by lolwut - United States
Today, I was on Facebook, looking at pictures from a party I went to. In most of them, I was sitting on the sofa, my shorts bunched to the side, with half my vajayjay on show. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15617) - you deserved it (47369)
On 03/19/2011 at 11:43am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, at my strictly Catholic grandmother's funeral, I was made to sit in the row behind the rest of the family, because I was born out of wedlock and wasn't a 'real' member. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31953) - you deserved it (1872)
On 02/20/2011 at 7:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom
Today, my daughter was expelled from her school for beating another kindergartener with a Dr. Seuss book. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26659) - you deserved it (5523)
On 01/13/2011 at 3:48pm - kids - by me - United States
Monday 20 May 2013
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