About ThexVengence : Just a lollypop triple dipped in psyco.
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ThexVengence's favorite FMLs
Today, after boiling eggs my whole life, I wanted to try a packaged hard-boiled egg for the first time. I'd never had a cold egg before, so I thought it would be a good idea to warm it up. Now, I'm cleaning out a billion pieces of egg shrapnel in the microwave. FML
Today, I was traveling home with my four-year-old son. While we were standing in line at the security checkpoint, I hear the sound of water dripping and turned to find my son urinating on the floor. He'd read a sign that said we weren't allowed to take any liquids with us. FML
Today, I woke up to an angry and threatening email from a porn company. Apparently, I took a sleeping pill last night and wrote a nasty email to the company about how they mistreat women. The best part: I used a web contact form instead of an email, so I have absolutely no idea what I wrote. FML
by damn you Ambien / 08/03/2016 at 1:48am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Alex White / 05/02/2016 at 12:50pm / Canada (Alberta) / Animals
Today, I'm recovering from a brain injury that occurred a few months ago. The newest challenge I'm facing is thinking the floor is moving any time there is a change in colour or texture. My house has patterned tile floors and carpet. FML
by Anonymous / 03/14/2016 at 7:41pm / United States (Texas) / Health
by cutiecuppiecakez / 02/29/2016 at 4:04pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/13/2016 at 11:13am / United States (Illinois) / Health
Today, while working at a gas station, I accidentally changed the price of gas to 8.9 cents per litre. It took me fifteen minutes to figure out why everyone wanted only two or three dollars of gas. I fixed it, but now my managers are debating charging me for lost revenue. FML
by Ihadnoidea / 12/12/2015 at 2:41pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, I woke up to a cat licking my face. I don't have a cat. I quickly put the cat out the front door and went back to sleep. When I woke up later, I remembered that I had agreed to take care of my sister's cat for a week. I looked out the door, but the cat is nowhere to be found. FML
by introublenow / 09/18/2015 at 8:22am / United States (Florida) / Animals
by thatguy8878 / 06/26/2015 at 4:41pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals
Today, I woke up to the sound of 4 gunshots from downstairs. I screamed, hid under the bed in tears and called the cops. Turned out my boyfriend hadn't been murdered by a burglar like I thought - he'd found a tarantula in our living room and decided to feed it a face full of lead. FML
by Anonymous / 06/19/2015 at 3:00pm / United States / Animals
Today, the 4-year-old I was babysitting came up to me all happy, saying she went to the bathroom like a "big girl". Knowing she was just potty trained, I asked if she'd remembered to flush. Looking at me confused, she said, "But it's in my room." FML
by AdoKitty / 06/10/2015 at 11:04pm / United States (California) / Kids
by sassy_girl144 / 05/29/2015 at 6:58am / United Kingdom (West Berkshire) / Miscellaneous
Today, coming home, I discovered that my dog had left me a beautiful mound of poop in the middle of the corridor. He'd made an effort, though: there was a roll of shredded toilet paper next to it. FML
by morphea / 04/29/2015 at 6:54pm / France (Bretagne) / Animals
- Today, while on the airplane, the cute girl next to me and I instantly hit it off. When I excused… Today, I was taking a shower when my boyfriend suddenly hopped in with me. We were getting a little… Today, I sat awkwardly and pretended like I didn't notice my cousin discreetly trying to masturbate…