About TheCerealKiller : I kill cereal.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
It’s in the can
Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
Profile completed
You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.
Today, I paid $60 for a haircut from a professional stylist, only to walk out looking like Spock from Star Trek. The worst part was the stylist asked me, "Hey, are you going to see that new Star Trek movie?" and tried to talk me into watching it. Now, wherever I go, people are giving me the 'live long and prosper' sign. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46149) - you deserved it (6823)
On 05/05/2009 at 2:21am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, my daughter walked in on me taking a shower. She said, "Hey, yours is the same size as Dylan's!" My daughter has seen Dylan's penis, which apparently is the same size as mine. My daughter and Dylan are 7. FML
I agree, your life sucks (91132) - you deserved it (6006)
On 04/27/2009 at 11:06pm - intimacy - by seriouslywtf (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I was petting my cat when my new mood ring turned bright purple. I checked the piece of paper that came with the ring and saw that purple meant I was feeling "hot, sexy, and passionate." According to my ring, I'm hot for my cat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35664) - you deserved it (12134)
On 04/17/2009 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by shutupandsmile18 (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I performed in my school play. Right before my big solo, I noticed a few girls changing backstage and I became aroused. The play was Jesus Christ Superstar, and I was playing Jesus. All I was wearing was a little cloth, so the whole audience saw Jesus get hard during the crucifixion. FML
I agree, your life sucks (82220) - you deserved it (30308)
On 04/14/2009 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by jizzlemonster13 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I had my girlfriend over and we were hugging when she put her feet on my feet. We started walking around like that and I said, "This is hard to maintain." She replied with "So's your erection." FML
I agree, your life sucks (46012) - you deserved it (14324)
On 03/20/2009 at 11:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I saw my boyfriend for the last time for two years. When we got back from dinner, we sat in his truck for a little while to talk. A few minutes later, my mom comes flying out of my house screaming, "Satan is here, and he is tempting you!" That is the last memory he will have of me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (72075) - you deserved it (3245)
On 03/19/2009 at 12:42am - love - by Fwick (woman) - United States (Utah)
Today, I called a priest "lame". He responded jokingly with "God will smite you!" I laughed and walked out the door. I tripped and broke my ankle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28790) - you deserved it (85955)
On 03/12/2009 at 8:07am - health - by lolzor (woman) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I was working at the grocery store and a very old woman wanted to give me a tip for bagging her groceries. She slid a quarter into my pocket against my thigh as deep down as she could get it, then she gave me a smile and a wink. I was groped by a grandma. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48024) - you deserved it (3235)
On 03/09/2009 at 2:15am - work - by unsatisfied (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I went to use a public bathroom with my friend. I heard someone, who I thought was my friend talking, and I replied with "I hate being on my rag, I get constipated a lot." When I opened the stall door, I saw two guys using the urinals. I went into the men's restroom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11662) - you deserved it (35695)
On 03/06/2009 at 4:16pm - misc - by MNLucyy - United States (Nebraska)
Today, I called the florist and ordered a flower arrangement for my grandma, who I was told was sick. I said I didn't know what to get her, so just to send her something nice. I got a call from my mom calling me an inconsiderate bastard. They sent my grandma forget-me-nots. She has Alzheimers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37996) - you deserved it (5894)
On 02/23/2009 at 9:22pm - misc - by Originality18 (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was talking to my parents about feeling insecure with my "beach body" as Spring Break keeps getting closer and closer. My dad warned me by saying, "Don't wear a gray swimsuit. People will try to roll you back into the ocean". FML
I agree, your life sucks (40580) - you deserved it (6413)
On 02/13/2009 at 7:15pm - misc - by Shamu (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was pestering a co-worker, so she jokingly stated "I'll bury you!" and I replied "I'll bury your mom!". Her moms funeral was last week. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9660) - you deserved it (33651)
On 02/12/2009 at 11:12pm - misc - by idkmybffjill? (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, My boyfriend dumped me because he said the relationship was too tough for him. When I asked for an example he responded "Like, I don't have enough time to play World of WarCraft." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40110) - you deserved it (6128)
On 02/12/2009 at 10:46pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Arizona)
Today, I got in a huge fight with my mom. So, I went to my room and locked myself in there and played loud music so I didn't have to hear her. She then decides to yell at me over facebook. Shortly after, I log out of Facebook. She then starts yelling at me on Yahoo. Damn technology. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7901) - you deserved it (15832)
On 01/29/2009 at 7:45pm - misc - by blarg - United States (Illinois)
Today, I surprise my girlfriend by turning up at her flat on her twenty-fourth birthday. She gets up from the couch as I enter and I shout: "Tonight, my cock is going to stab you twenty-four times!" (Okay, that's not smart). That's when her father glances over from the couch and greets me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8079) - you deserved it (44685)
On 12/13/2008 at 10:58pm - intimacy - by Mateo - Sent from mobile version
Monday 20 May 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML 
Follow the FML blog 
Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
