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Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.
Today, my friends took my work laptop and changed the sounds. Now, whenever I remove a USB device, a woman's voice screams "Put it back!" and when I insert a USB device, it says "Oh, you need to push it in harder!" I don't know how to change it back. FML
Today, a kid was ranting that "people these days are so rude" and that "things were much better in the '50s." Annoyed, I asked the delusional twat what was so great about the racial segregation, rampant sexism, homophobia, and all the rest back then. He responded by punching me. FML
Today, I was on drive-thru where I work. Our policy is that we can give free treats to dogs that come through. A woman came in and I noticed her dog. Without a thought, I grabbed a treat and asked if her dog wanted one. I looked again. The 'dog' was her daughter. FML
Today, I went on a blind date and we seemed to have hit it off nicely. I asked him if he could drive me home. Along the way he stopped on a pitch-black road and told me to get out so he could take a picture. He then gave me my bag and drove off, leaving me stranded in the middle of nowhere. FML
Today, after more than six years of working my ass off, I finally summoned the courage to ask my boss for a raise. She just chuckled, "I'm gonna need you to eat a dick, John." and stared at me unblinking until I awkwardly left. FML
Today, my 15-year-old daughter's pregnancy test came back positive. I wanted to know who the father is, so I could sit the two of them down to talk the situation through with them. She isn't sure if it's her best friend, or our neighbor's son. FML
Today, I let my 3-year-old daughter watch Finding Nemo on my phone while I made her lunch. I returned to find she had dropped my phone into the fish bowl so that her goldfish could see his friends. FML
Monday 1 September 2014