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SuddenDeath5's favorite FMLs
Today, I woke up on Christmas morning to find that a large cock and balls had been keyed into the windscreen of my car. My new, two-week-old car, which I will be paying off for the next four years. FML
by Sophies / 12/25/2013 at 7:45pm / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Money
Today, we got our Christmas bonuses. Instead of money, the company decided to give us all lunch boxes with the company name on them. I went ahead and put my lunch in mine, then put it in the break-room refrigerator. Apparently so did all the other employees. Now I can't find mine. FML
by peevedemployee / 12/25/2013 at 1:38am / United States / Work
by infinitegrace / 12/24/2013 at 4:46pm / United States / Transportation
by yarenis / 12/24/2013 at 5:45am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boss scolded me for being too friendly to our customers and told me to back off and let them do their thing. Less than an hour after doing as he said, he scolded me again, this time for slacking off and not asking them if they needed help finding stuff. There goes my bonus. FML
by fuck you, boss / 12/20/2013 at 7:30pm / United States / Work
Today, a guy came into the small coffee shop I work at, and got angry because I wouldn't accept his Starbucks gift card as valid payment. When I told him we clearly aren't a Starbucks, he said "It's all the same shit" and ended up throwing a punch at me. FML
by the customer is always a cunt / 12/20/2013 at 4:48pm / United States (Florida) / Work
Today, my mother decided to inform me that she doesn't believe canned food can have an expiry date and that the food is still okay to eat years after the 'supposed' expiry date. She's probably been cooking my dinner with expired food for over 17 years. FML
by Anonymous / 12/19/2013 at 5:49pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Health
by wasted time / 12/19/2013 at 4:09am / United States / Work
by anonymous / 12/17/2013 at 12:02am / United States (Minnesota) / Money
by snowbum69 / 12/15/2013 at 3:38am / United States (Idaho) / Love
by Anonymous / 12/14/2013 at 7:48pm / Canada / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/14/2013 at 2:24am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, a classmate's mother called my phone, threatening to have my dorm room raided for drugs. Why? She saw our text messages discussing where he would pick up the textbook I borrowed and thought it was the new "code name" for weed. FML
by a.white / 12/11/2013 at 6:58am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by scared shitless / 12/10/2013 at 4:50am / United States (California) / Work
by phonegotlostinthepark / 12/03/2013 at 12:54pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…