Spiksterchick621

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Spiksterchick621

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  • Number of visits : 547
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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I agree, their lives suck

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Spiksterchick621's favorite FMLs

Today, I walked in on my new puppy peeing on the carpet. The trainer had told me to punish her when she's bad by shaking a metal can of pennies at her, since the noise scares dogs. I shook it at her, and she responded by having explosive diarrhea all over the carpet in fright. FML

by doggone / 05/05/2012 at 7:07pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals

Today, after being filled with joy after seeing my very elderly cat finally enjoying the sun in my garden, I skipped over to give her a hug. Turns out she was taking a shit. FML

by Ew. / 04/09/2012 at 11:22am / United Kingdom / Animals

Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML

by weep weep weep / 03/11/2012 at 11:04pm / United States (Florida) / Animals

Today, my recently ex-girlfriend's mother called me regarding her baby girl, saying, "If you mess with the chicklet, you mess with the momma hen." I have no idea what the hell this means for my future, but I'm a bit scared. FML

by roadkill0321 / 11/07/2011 at 2:20am / United States / Love

Today, my class was assigned lockers. Out of all the lockers in the entire school, mine is the only one to still have graffiti on it from last year. The tagger's choice of words? "Poop face." FML

by Anonymous / 09/22/2011 at 12:33pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, a man came up to me and punched me in the face. He turned out to be the guy my ex-girlfriend cheated on me with. Apparently, she told him we broke up because I used to beat her. FML

by Ari / 06/16/2011 at 12:19am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I found out what getting slapped in the face with lettuce feels like. FML

by moe / 05/27/2011 at 1:26am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss friend-requested me on Facebook. My profile picture is of me licking his employee of the month picture for a dare. FML

by asdfjkl / 04/15/2011 at 3:51pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, I had to babysit two kids. I told them to stop fighting, or to sit on separate couches. They stopped. I asked why nobody would sit on the other couch, where I'd been sitting. They told me it was the couch their autistic brother often pees on. FML

by joxerthemighty39 / 01/31/2011 at 10:11pm / United States (North Carolina) / Kids

Today, I was playing hide and seek with a few friends. I hid in the bathroom, under the sink in a cabinet. I ended up having to sit there quiet as a mouse while my grandfather took an incredibly long and vile dump. I was too afraid to move. Let's just say he didn't rush it. FML

by Anonymous / 12/20/2010 at 12:09pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, a little girl pointed to the acne on my face and said to her dad, "Look at how many mosquito bites she has on her face!" FML

by nybaby / 11/29/2010 at 4:17pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I talked myself out of buying $1 candle at the Dollar Tree. That's how broke I am. FML

by Pauper / 01/11/2010 at 2:20am / United States (Connecticut) / Money

Today, I woke up from a nap and thought I felt somebody's arm in my bed. I frantically start hitting it and start screaming. I soon realized it was my own arm. I had fallen asleep on it, and it was completely numb, I couldn't feel a thing. FML

by Anonymous / 12/29/2009 at 12:11am / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I had to wrap presents for a cat. FML

by Anonymous / 12/23/2009 at 9:12pm / United States (North Carolina) / Animals

Today, my water wouldn't go down my shower drain. Confused, I stuck a metal stick expecting hair, but instead stabbed and pulled up a rat that was dead in my drain. FML

by Anonymous / 11/17/2009 at 11:08pm / United States (Texas) / Health