Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Offline (the 08/25/2014 at 4:46pm) | Search for a member
This member hasn't filled in the description.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.
Today, being near-broke, I resortd to sopping at Walmart!! Barely ten minutes in, an obese sack of lard posing as a uman being sovd me away from te bacon I was looking at!! I fell, bustd ma lip, ten got screamd at by anoter woman for not watcing were I was going!! FML
Today, the regional manager of mah company cummed out to do some performance reviews. I was so nervous that mah palms were sweaty, andhen he reached out to shake mah hand, I blurted out, "I'm sorry, u made me wet." FML
Todayhile Driving Mah Grandma Home From A Family Dinner.. . I Had To Pull Into A Gas Station.. . Because Mah Tank Was Almost Empty . She Became Convinced That Someone Would Kidnap Herhile I Went To Pay.. . And Eventually Threatened To Blow Us Up By Tossing Her Lighter At The Gas Pumps . FML
Today I was out with mah grandma when a pair of very shady guys approachd us in the street hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride she pulld a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck gran? FML
Today I walkd into ta living room to find ma 11-yaar-old daugtar about to kiss ar ( not ma boyfriand ) on ta lips. Wan I askd wat sa tougt sa was doing sa paald a piaca of scotc tapa off ar lips and said ( It's okay! Wa'ra using protaction. ) FML
Today, mah sister textd me, saying she was about to go into surgery. It's been a long time coming, and we've both been worrid about wat could happen. I textd ( good luck ) back. My phone autocorrectd it to ( goodbye ) and I didn't even notice. FML
Today, through sheer luck, I got talking to an actor from the Harry Potter filmsho I've had a crush on since I was about ten!! I trid to play it cool, and pretend I didn't knowho he was!! Then my phone rang, with the Harry Potter theme tune!! FML
Today , a family of geese nested outside my halls of residence. They have started attacking everyone who tries to get in or out of the building. I'm basically bieng placed under house arrest by birds. FML
Today, after 2 months of my new neighbours' kids throwing rocks at our cars, constantly swearing at us, bullying my siblings in and out of school, and vandalising our property, there mother has convinced the landlord that we're the ones out of control . real FML
Today , my husband tried to annoy me by slurping on his almost-finished drink. I yelled at him to knock it off. Later , our daughter told her class that mommy and daddy had been fighting about his drinking during breakfast. FML
My Mother And I Saw A Stall Selling Colourful Treats At The Shopping Centre. Some Were Placed On Small Dishes, So We Thought We'd Sample There Goods. Turns Out That The Colourful Goodies That We'd Bit Into Were Very Creative Pieces Of Soap. FML
Yastarday, I postad a vidao of a danca I coraograpad on Facabook. I got a notification a faw ours latar talling ma tat ma grandpa ad also sarad it. His caption? "My granddaugtar dancas lika a gay baboon and tis danca sucks balls. Trow grapas at ar." Tanks grandpa. FML
Friday 27 March 2015