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Today, I was driving home from a friend's house after a night of partying. Suddenly, I had to poop worse than I ever had to in my entire life. The pain was so bad I had to pull over and pretend to be checking my tires while I let out the entire contents of my bowels onto the road. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29560) - you deserved it (6071)
On 04/07/2013 at 9:47pm - health - by poopy pants - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I was taking a patient's blood pressure, and listening for his pulse with my stethoscope. I couldn't hear anything, so I adjusted the cuff and tried again. Still no pulse. He pointed out that my stethoscope was the wrong way around and sneered, "You been smokin' the reefer, boy?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (10514) - you deserved it (22839)
On 03/07/2013 at 7:35pm - work - by no sir I have not (man) - United States
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes, and I excitedly called my mother to tell her about our engagement. She half-heartedly said, "Aww, that's nice", before changing the topic to what she'd found in her turd earlier. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26143) - you deserved it (1514)
On 03/07/2013 at 12:10pm - love - by it's shitty, yeah, stfu (man) - Sweden (Vastra Gotaland)
Today, I was so bored at a dinner party that I went to the bathroom to play games on my phone. One of my co-workers came in, so I rushed into a stall, but forgot to turn my phone's sound off. She heard it and said, "It's OK, music helps me shit too" and started blasting her music and grunting. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23041) - you deserved it (5590)
On 03/06/2013 at 9:39pm - work - by shittysongs - United States (Washington)
Today, I told my mom that I heard something, and I think we have rats in the attic and should hire an exterminator. She looked at me and said, "Rats, huh? That's what the mom in The Exorcist thought, but it turned out to be the devil living up there." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25323) - you deserved it (2071)
On 03/02/2013 at 11:18pm - misc - by jkbeynon - United States (California)
Today, I texted my boyfriend a cute picture that I drew for him, with a little note saying "love you." He replied by sending me a picture of a nose hair he'd plucked, along with the caption, "longest one yet." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21702) - you deserved it (2760)
On 03/01/2013 at 12:21am - love - by thenewgirl29 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my skydiving instructor casually remarked that he wouldn't mind "diving into" me sometime. He was strapped to my back the whole way down. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26406) - you deserved it (1693)
On 12/31/2012 at 5:44pm - intimacy - by _The__Doctor_ (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32289) - you deserved it (2704)
On 12/31/2012 at 5:36pm - work - by shattysituation - United States
Today, I auditioned for a role in ballet. My stomach was in pain and as I ran to be lifted into the air by my partner, I let out a huge fart. The auditorium was dead silent. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30829) - you deserved it (2878)
On 12/29/2012 at 4:32am - misc - by gassy - United States (Washington)
Today, I went to a urinal next to an elderly gentleman. As I was doing my business, he zips up and begins to leave. On his way out, he leans over my shoulder and whispers in my ear, "That's nice". FML
I agree, your life sucks (29000) - you deserved it (2002)
On 12/26/2012 at 11:03pm - misc - by hborkowski (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I woke up to find pieces of a dead spider stuck in my braces. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43349) - you deserved it (2491)
On 12/26/2012 at 2:30pm - misc - by gaggin - United States (California)
Today, after being a germaphobe for almost ten years and refusing to go out to restaurants because of it, I finally had the courage to face my fear, and went to dinner with my family. After three bites into my salad, I found a dead bug in it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22114) - you deserved it (2001)
On 11/06/2012 at 1:34pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I woke up with a wax strip on my chest and my girlfriend sitting next to me on the bed laughing. She pulled the strip. I screamed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22084) - you deserved it (2963)
On 11/06/2012 at 12:11am - intimacy - by Ugggggggggg (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, we got new seats in class today. The guy placed next to me, turned, looked me dead in the eye, and said, "The balls are the warmest place on the body" while his hands were in his pants. I'm stuck next to him for the rest of the semester. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15277) - you deserved it (930)
On 10/30/2012 at 8:29pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I said "bless you" to a nice man who sneezed on the subway. That nice man has now followed me home and stood outside my apartment complex for two hours, claiming to be my "soulmate." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22765) - you deserved it (1618)
On 10/28/2012 at 12:22am - love - by prettylady? - United States
Monday 20 May 2013
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