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About Sandsh8rk : Oh, hello. You seem to have stumbled across my FML page.
And yes, I know my profile picture perfectly matches my comment.
I’m your new creative director
You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.
You sure know how to party?
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Today, I was in the car with my boyfriend, who was driving down the highway with the windows down. All of a sudden, everything went black. A cattle truck had sped past, and I had been hit by cow faeces travelling at 110km an hour. My boyfriend was hysterical. None of it hit him. FML
Today, I was on the London underground reading a newspaper. A huge guy was sitting next to me and there weren't many other people around. As I turned a page, he leaned into me, glaring, and said, "I'm not finished yet". At the next stop I put down the paper and jumped off. It wasn't even my stop. FML
Today, my boyfriend stayed over at my place for the first time. I left him in the bedroom for a couple of minutes while I used the toilet, and when I came back, he was holding my vibrator. He angrily asked me, "What the hell is this? You know this is cheating, right?" FML
Today, I was looking at the map on my phone whilst walking down a street. I heard the sound of a bike behind me so I moved to let the cyclist past. He snatched the phone out of my hand and sped off. FML
Today, my family and I went on a hike to a local abandoned gold mine, with the hopes of being able to explore the caves. What we didn't expect was four miles of treacherous, rocky, near vertical trails that led to the mine. Once we finally got there, exhausted, it was blocked off for safety reasons. FML
Today, my overly-attached 14-year-old cat wanted attention while I was in a heated Skype argument with my girlfriend. Worked up from the fight, I raised my voice and said, "Not now, go away!" He ran to his little bed, had a heart attack and died. I was a complete dick to my cat in his last moments. FML
Today, in an attempt to potty train my step-son, my boyfriend and I put underwear on him, hoping that when he peed himself, he would realize using the potty is the way to go. Instead, he peed while sitting on the couch, got up, took off the underwear, and then switched seats. FML
Today, I witnessed my psycho neighbor put her cat in a cage, cross into my backyard, and set the cage down before returning to her house. She then called the cops and claimed I'd stolen her cat. The cops didn't believe my side of the story for a second. FML
Today, I had to take a drug test for a new job. I ended up spilling the cup of pee all over myself. I had to explain what had happened, then go sit in a waiting room full of disgusted-looking people, while I kept drinking water to fill my bladder back up. FML
Today, I had to tell my ex that I'm pregnant with his baby. I sent him a casual "Hey :)" text to try to ease into things. He replied, "WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?" and ended up threatening to make my life hell if I don't tell my new boyfriend that the child is his. FML
Today, while in line at my local bakery, an old man passed wind in front of me. The smell was like nothing I've ever experienced before. I managed to withstand it, but the child behind me could not, and spewed orange vomit all over my back. FML
Today, my mom visited, and I left her for a few minutes while I used the bathroom. While I was stuck taking a crap, she went on one of her religious rants, telling my children that Easter was off this year because their precious "pagan" Easter Bunny had been murdered. FML
Wednesday 13 August 2014