Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Saltime

Search for a member

Saltime
  • Town/Country : Edmonton, Canada
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 16 September 1992 (21 years)
  • Number of visits : 2357
  • Number of comments : 225
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Saltime : I fell from the sky. I was sent here with one purpose: to create classical and comical comments on FML.

"They hated me. But their hate only fueled my passion."


Now, if you make a stupid comment, you better be ready to back it up.

If you comment with one of the following, I'm going to ruin you. :

"First!"
"That's a shitty situation." (Or any "shitty" pun).
"Haha!" / "LOL."
"YDI for [stupid unrelated reason]."
"[Women in kitchen joke]."
"[Comment that is impossible to read]".
"You spelled [word] wrong!!"
You best be watching your back.

Some experienced users on FML:
•DocBastard
•Sirin
•every1luvsboners
•Perdix
•Didi

Don't screw with them. They'll literally tear you apart. (In addition to a possible Coca-Cola bottle up your arse.)

Enjoy FML!

Saltime's last visitors

DavidsBabybrittanyavidoDavaliciousalexmac222Booda_ShunMr_Bleepdabloopmariepastygluelegendaryplya

Saltime's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

Saltime's favorite FMLs

Today, my friend told me that semen was inflammable. Later at night I jacked off into a sock and then, excitedly, tried to lit the sock on fire. Turns out, semen is very much not inflammable. Naked, I shook my sock in the air so it would extinguish while my semen splashed out all over my room. FML

#3262847
368 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7090) - you deserved it (106145)

On 06/27/2009 at 12:41am - intimacy - by notinflammable (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I was at Disneyland with some of my friends. While eating lunch, we watched a small child get frightened by the person dressed as Mickey Mouse. We all burst out laughing only to be jumped by Chip and Dale. Apparently I scream louder than the little kid. FML

#3260741
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6566) - you deserved it (42445)

On 06/26/2009 at 11:44pm - misc - by FailureAtLife121 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was smoking in my car and flicked the butt... into the face of a cop on a motorcycle going the other way. FML

#2846826
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9792) - you deserved it (66432)

On 06/13/2009 at 12:09am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I asked my mom if I could join my friends in getting lessons in self defense. My mom told me that I didn't need them because my face was a better weapon to repel anyone. FML

#2492711
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61561) - you deserved it (4472)

On 06/01/2009 at 3:05am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - Korea Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi)

Today, I wanted revenge on the rabbit who ate my garden's plants. When he returned, he was standing next to my brand new above-ground swimming pool. I pull out my 22. rifle and shot at it, but the bullet missed and popped a hole in my pool. 15,000 gallons of water flooded my basement. FML

#2321503
855 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28421) - you deserved it (238903)

On 05/26/2009 at 8:22pm - misc - by Jerrrr (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I called the guy I've liked for a long time and told him how I felt. He didn't say anything except for "hello." After I spilled my feelings, I hear "Haha, just kidding I'm not here right now! Call me back later!" FML

#1986164
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42416) - you deserved it (7402)

On 05/16/2009 at 5:06pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, we were having a family get together at my house. Because of this, i had to mow our lawn to make sure it looked nice. I got a little bored and decided it would be funny to cut a rather large penis into my yard. right when i finished, i ran out of gas. My 83 year old grandmother saw. FML

#1347593
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9558) - you deserved it (72288)

On 04/26/2009 at 4:12am - misc - by waltzy777 - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was petting my cat when my new mood ring turned bright purple. I checked the piece of paper that came with the ring and saw that purple meant I was feeling "hot, sexy, and passionate." According to my ring, I'm hot for my cat. FML

#1070820
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36281) - you deserved it (12253)

On 04/17/2009 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by shutupandsmile18 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got back my math test. Instead of taking the time to mark the mistakes, my professor just circled the bottom half of the page and wrote "OMG." FML

#853708
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (88019) - you deserved it (26171)

On 04/07/2009 at 2:37pm - work - by aviators (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was going on a dinner date with a girl I had just met. After I picked her up I asked her if she would like to get lobster. She looked at me and asked if those were the red ones. Confused I nodded. She replied, "Sorry, I don't eat red meat." I laughed. She was serious. FML

#834791
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58958) - you deserved it (5292)

On 04/06/2009 at 1:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was walking down the street with my acoustic guitar on my back. I saw a girl that I like coming down the opposite way, so I decided to play my guitar to try and impress her. I started to tune it quickly, but while I wasn't paying attention, I ran into a pole. Now my guitar is cracked. FML

#740742
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15735) - you deserved it (59639)

On 04/01/2009 at 1:47am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, an elderly gentleman walked into the UPS Store where I work asking to use the laminating machine. I explained to him that we keep it behind the counter and I would do it for him, whence he produced several graphic photos of him having it off with nasty looking women to be laminated. FML

#213977
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45377) - you deserved it (3514)

On 03/05/2009 at 12:14am - work - by UhhhUhhhRRRick (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was talking to my mom. During the conversation she asked me, "Does he take his leg off when you guys are having sex?" Referring to the guy I've been seeing who has a prosthetic leg. My dad then asked, "Does he beat you with it too if you've been naughty?" FML

#209116
315 comments

I agree, your life sucks (219103) - you deserved it (28171)

On 03/04/2009 at 6:07pm - intimacy - by Girl123999 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mother was re-enrolling me in school so she was required to fill out some paper work. Later, she asks me, "What does Caucasian mean?". I ask, "Why?". Apparently she didn't recognize the word so she checked "other" and wrote in "white". FML

#192383
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44239) - you deserved it (4727)

On 03/03/2009 at 12:37am - misc - by buryuntime (woman) - United States (Illinois)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: