Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Saltime

Search for a member

Saltime

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 16 September 1992 (21 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2650
  • Number of comments : 225
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Saltime : I fell from the sky. I was sent here with one purpose: to create classical and comical comments on FML.

"They hated me. But their hate only fueled my passion."


Now, if you make a stupid comment, you better be ready to back it up.

If you comment with one of the following, I'm going to ruin you. :

"First!"
"That's a shitty situation." (Or any "shitty" pun).
"Haha!" / "LOL."
"YDI for [stupid unrelated reason]."
"[Women in kitchen joke]."
"[Comment that is impossible to read]".
"You spelled [word] wrong!!"
You best be watching your back.

Some experienced users on FML:
•DocBastard
•Sirin
•every1luvsboners
•Perdix
•Didi

Don't screw with them. They'll literally tear you apart. (In addition to a possible Coca-Cola bottle up your arse.)

Enjoy FML!

Saltime's page activity

Visits<b>Iogic</b> - the 07/09/2014 at 12:14pm<b>Yogibob</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 10:29am<b>sofaqueen_</b> - the 07/03/2014 at 6:33pm<b>oxythemoron</b> - the 06/13/2014 at 7:44pm<b>silon5</b> - the 06/13/2014 at 8:37am<b>noinspiration</b> - the 05/07/2014 at 6:10am<b>DavidsBaby</b> - the 03/24/2014 at 10:24pm<b>brittanyavido</b> - the 02/24/2014 at 9:15am<b>Davalicious</b> - the 02/17/2014 at 9:55am<b>alexmac222</b> - the 01/05/2014 at 12:55am<b>leazure</b> - the 12/19/2013 at 4:24pm<b>Booda_Shun</b> - the 11/12/2013 at 9:47pm<b>Mr_Bleepdabloop</b> - the 10/18/2013 at 12:49am<b>mariepastyglue</b> - the 09/30/2013 at 12:15pm<b>piedpiper303</b> - the 09/08/2013 at 11:32pm<b>PabloThePancake</b> - the 09/07/2013 at 3:43am<b>Jazzyw1997</b> - the 08/18/2013 at 3:46pm<b>legendaryplya</b> - the 07/30/2013 at 3:09pm

Saltime's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

Saltime's favorite FMLs

Today, my coworker asked to borrow my nail clippers so he could take care of a hangnail. He went to the bathroom, which I thought was polite, but when he got back to his desk and returned my clippers, there were little curly hairs stuck inside. He's bald. FML

#6695402
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29486) - you deserved it (2581)

On 12/10/2009 at 3:41pm - work - by Hairball (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was attending a drug-free lecture at school. The speaker said, "There are many ways to quit smoking. You can try patches, gum, or even quitting cold turkey. Any questions?" I raised my hand, and she called on me. I asked, "How does cold turkey help?" And then I realized. FML

#6683898
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6639) - you deserved it (31663)

On 12/09/2009 at 7:53pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a mall cop tore up my 'Free hugs' sign. FML

#6489895
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29859) - you deserved it (14166)

On 11/28/2009 at 2:13am - misc - by Cornbreesha (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found a camera someone left at our house. I looked at the pictures, and saw my grandma in a sexy outfit. FML

#6480509
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20633) - you deserved it (5039)

On 11/27/2009 at 4:09pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I found out that my fifty-five year old uncle had taken my phone and texted my girlfriend saying "I'm his uncle, send tit pics." She did. FML

#6118841
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18544) - you deserved it (1670)

On 11/02/2009 at 1:06pm - intimacy - by whatthef - United States

Today, I was in a department store with my three year old daughter to buy some new jeans. I took her into the dressing room with me and as I began to take off my pants she yells, "Mommy, you can't go peepee in here!!" I am no longer welcome in that particular store. FML

#5364487
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33160) - you deserved it (3016)

On 09/20/2009 at 1:01am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend gave me a poem saying "Roses are red, violets are blue, rubbish is dumped and so are you." FML

#5247721
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45075) - you deserved it (3801)

On 09/14/2009 at 5:41am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, my boyfriend came in my room dressed as Harry Potter and declared that he was going to put his basilisk into my chamber of secrets. And yes, that was my first time. FML

#5168083
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31126) - you deserved it (7101)

On 09/10/2009 at 1:18pm - intimacy - by ginny (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, my boyfriend and I were starting to get in the mood. I get on top of him, lean down to kiss him, and he begins to laugh. Puzzled, I ask him why. He tells me that when I'm naked and on top of him, I remind him of a cow, with 'udders' . Offended, I go to get off. 'No no' he protests, 'a SEXY cow'. FML

#4936228
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28832) - you deserved it (4257)

On 08/30/2009 at 7:35pm - intimacy - by sigh (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I woke up in my bunkbed because I thought I was experiencing my first earthquake ever. I jumped out of bed and found that it was just my roomate masturbating in the bottom bunk. It was 6am. FML

#4912906
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40281) - you deserved it (3187)

On 08/29/2009 at 7:36pm - intimacy - by Ned (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was at home, my mom came and saw me holding what she thought was a glass of beer. She took the glass, threw it and slapped me for drinking it. I was drinking Apple Juice. FML

#4228843
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49698) - you deserved it (2528)

On 08/02/2009 at 12:14pm - misc - by kashish0711 (man) - India (Chandigarh)

Today, I texted the man I'm dating, told him I was having a terrible day and asked him to say something to cheer me up. His response? "Did you know that rabbits shriek when they're killed?" I'm still having a terrible day, and now I can't stop thinking about dying, shrieking bunnies. FML

#4188521
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41641) - you deserved it (8488)

On 07/31/2009 at 6:46pm - love - by deadbunnies (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that just because your boyfriend asks you to marry him doesn't mean that he will show up at the wedding. FML

#3890041
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (208453) - you deserved it (10997)

On 07/19/2009 at 9:06pm - love - by Loveless (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was on my girlfriend's computer. When searching on google, her browsing history popped up. The first thing was "Best positions for a small penis." FML

#3691268
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79980) - you deserved it (12035)

On 07/12/2009 at 12:20pm - intimacy - by wtf (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)



FML's blog

  • Élodie's Illustrated FML
  • Aaaaah, the beach, the sunshine, cool water against our skin...  Nah, just kidding, I can't afford a trip to the beach. This blog is being written from a grotty apartment in the less salubrious parts of…

Friday 18 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: