Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Saltime

Search for a member

Saltime

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 16 September 1992 (21 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2736
  • Number of comments : 225
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Saltime : I fell from the sky. I was sent here with one purpose: to create classical and comical comments on FML.

"They hated me. But their hate only fueled my passion."


Now, if you make a stupid comment, you better be ready to back it up.

If you comment with one of the following, I'm going to ruin you. :

"First!"
"That's a shitty situation." (Or any "shitty" pun).
"Haha!" / "LOL."
"YDI for [stupid unrelated reason]."
"[Women in kitchen joke]."
"[Comment that is impossible to read]".
"You spelled [word] wrong!!"
You best be watching your back.

Some experienced users on FML:
•DocBastard
•Sirin
•every1luvsboners
•Perdix
•Didi

Don't screw with them. They'll literally tear you apart. (In addition to a possible Coca-Cola bottle up your arse.)

Enjoy FML!

Saltime's page activity

Visits<b>Iogic</b> - the 07/09/2014 at 12:14pm<b>Yogibob</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 10:29am<b>sofaqueen_</b> - the 07/03/2014 at 6:33pm<b>oxythemoron</b> - the 06/13/2014 at 7:44pm<b>silon5</b> - the 06/13/2014 at 8:37am<b>noinspiration</b> - the 05/07/2014 at 6:10am<b>DavidsBaby</b> - the 03/24/2014 at 10:24pm<b>brittanyavido</b> - the 02/24/2014 at 9:15am<b>Davalicious</b> - the 02/17/2014 at 9:55am<b>alexmac222</b> - the 01/05/2014 at 12:55am<b>leazure</b> - the 12/19/2013 at 4:24pm<b>Booda_Shun</b> - the 11/12/2013 at 9:47pm<b>Mr_Bleepdabloop</b> - the 10/18/2013 at 12:49am<b>mariepastyglue</b> - the 09/30/2013 at 12:15pm<b>piedpiper303</b> - the 09/08/2013 at 11:32pm<b>PabloThePancake</b> - the 09/07/2013 at 3:43am<b>Jazzyw1997</b> - the 08/18/2013 at 3:46pm<b>legendaryplya</b> - the 07/30/2013 at 3:09pm

Saltime's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

Saltime's favorite FMLs

Today, my eleven year old sister came in, and bitched to me and my boyfriend about how she was going to tell my mom about the used condom she found. My boyfriend punched her in the face. FML

#18022495
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51714) - you deserved it (16521)

On 10/19/2011 at 10:37am - intimacy - by lolilovemyboyfriend (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was struggling to cycle up a steep hill. A guy heading past me on a scooter said I'd lost something. I stopped and looked back. Seeing nothing, I asked him what I lost. He replied, "Your momentum!" FML

#17985302
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30412) - you deserved it (5174) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 10/14/2011 at 9:53pm - misc - by adieuvelib - France

Today, I had to escort some dumbass teenager from Home Depot after I found him masturbating in one of the model washrooms. FML

#17982026
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37457) - you deserved it (2911)

On 10/14/2011 at 12:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Reserved

Today, I overheard my husband talking to our 6 year-old about animals for a project. I listened, thinking it was cute, until my husband said gleefully, "Remember to say this in your project: octopuses have 8 testicles." FML

#17973930
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26508) - you deserved it (3116)

On 10/13/2011 at 8:24am - kids - by daddoesn'tknowbest - United States

Today, I wore my brand new Wonderbra to school. When I got home, my dad looked at me and started laughing hysterically. Between breaths, he asked if anyone actually thought my chest was that big and said "You know why it's called a Wonderbra? Guys take it off and wonder where your tits went." FML

#17953738
432 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34388) - you deserved it (24568)

On 10/10/2011 at 6:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my mom found a new way to get me to clean my room. She piled everything from my floor in front of my wardrobe and padlocked my dresser shut. The best part? She put the key in my room. The worst part? She put over a hundred decoys in there too. FML

#17880889
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10292) - you deserved it (34168)

On 10/01/2011 at 7:45pm - misc - by Kazuya - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I learned no matter how much your friends pressure you, you must never snort lines of curry powder. FML

Today, my mother lectured me about going to the bar too often. She did this while rolling a joint. FML

#17854622
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31016) - you deserved it (5627)

On 09/28/2011 at 10:04am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend bought me a gorgeous ring that I fell in love with. As he slid the ring on my finger for the first time, he started moving it up and down my finger and making loud sex sounds, completely ruining the romantic moment. FML

Today, I shat a magnet. FML

#17843744
286 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11889) - you deserved it (30997)

On 09/26/2011 at 10:51pm - health - by mimi - United States (Illinois)

Today, I woke up next to my boss naked. We are both women and she is married. Work should be interesting tomorrow. FML

#17839569
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19867) - you deserved it (43628)

On 09/26/2011 at 2:20pm - intimacy - by BigBananaLover - United States (California)

Today, I caught my wife slipping penis enlargement pills into my coffee. FML

#17795601
272 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44965) - you deserved it (8120)

On 09/21/2011 at 1:20pm - intimacy - by ThisBlows (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, and started to climb on top of him sexily. He blurted out, "Oh my god, you're like that girl from The Ring." FML

#17794550
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31050) - you deserved it (5461)

On 09/21/2011 at 9:17am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized my tampon goes deeper than my boyfriend. FML

#17786255
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50659) - you deserved it (6077)

On 09/20/2011 at 3:45am - intimacy - by Cantgetno (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while playing with a lighter, I jokingly told my boyfriend I would burn his mustache off. He responded by telling me he would burn off mine. FML

#17781306
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13003) - you deserved it (31848)

On 09/19/2011 at 4:27pm - love - by Anonymous - United States



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: