Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

SHORTstopp99

Search for a member

SHORTstopp99
  • Town/Country : Minnetonka, MN, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 529
  • Number of comments : 45
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 10 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

SHORTstopp99's last visitors

nubbles10barnee26strawberrypocky

SHORTstopp99's FML badges

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

See all of SHORTstopp99's badges

SHORTstopp99's favorite FMLs

Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML

#19260934
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19949) - you deserved it (3119)

On 03/11/2012 at 11:04pm - animals - by weep weep weep (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why having sex with him was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty Pringles can. FML

#18772275
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11665) - you deserved it (29012)

On 01/11/2012 at 12:42am - intimacy - by bunnyluver4545 - United States (Texas)

Today, while flicking my bean, I was thinking about my boyfriend who moved to California last week. Before I came, I had to stop because I started crying. FML

#17473520
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22875) - you deserved it (6883)

On 08/14/2011 at 8:25pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I finally figured out why my mechanic was so cheap; he wanted to sleep with me. After I politely declined, he charged me regular price plus extra for "humiliating" him. He's 60. I just recently turned 18. FML

#17444055
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35201) - you deserved it (2718)

On 08/11/2011 at 8:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, since I'm too ashamed to go buy a proper sex toy, I used an old Star Wars toy sword instead. FML

#17436824
397 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9586) - you deserved it (37777)

On 08/11/2011 at 1:53am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Mexico (Distrito Federal)

Today, my boss sat me down to discuss the sounds my co-workers have heard coming from my cubicle. Apparently my music sounds like the background tracks from shitty soft-core porn movies. I'm getting a three day suspension while they go through all my files. FML

#17343796
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24831) - you deserved it (4474)

On 08/02/2011 at 1:47pm - work - by ImScrewed (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend whom I'm crazy about broke up with me out of the blue. After pleading with her unsuccessfully, I called my mom for comfort and advice. She informed me that my dog had died. FML

#14461663
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37426) - you deserved it (2591)

On 01/04/2011 at 9:49am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, it's my 18th birthday. My parents got me a $5 gift certificate to iTunes. It came for free with the iPhone they just bought my sister for her middle school graduation. FML

#580113
485 comments

I agree, your life sucks (562625) - you deserved it (35295)

On 03/24/2009 at 5:15pm - misc - by happybirthday (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML

#361047
1200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (618206) - you deserved it (414489)

On 03/15/2009 at 10:20pm - misc - by KAAALIS (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it. He said, "I don't know what you're talking about, Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML

#159600
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (1097204) - you deserved it (108923)

On 02/28/2009 at 6:10am - love - by thatsucks (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: