...If you have ever jerked off while eating a banana.. your a homo
Today, I was looking at my wedding photos. The photographer moved onto the "candid" shots and thought it would be cute to have pics of us making out at the reception. I have blonde hair. The girl in the picture did not. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32137) - you totally deserved it (1162)
On 09/30/2009 at 6:57pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, it's my birthday. My best friend called me at work and offered to take me out to lunch. When he went to pay for the meal, his card was declined so I told him not to worry and that I would pay for the birthday meal. He looked at me and said "It's your birthday?" He was serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21504) - you totally deserved it (1586)
On 09/30/2009 at 1:45pm - misc - by Rockyio (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I had a big exam. 20 minutes in I could feel people turning round looking at me. I ignored them at first, but towards the one hour mark it got more distracting. I stood up and yelled "Why's everyone staring at me!" I got kicked out. Turns out I was seated directly in front of the clock. FML
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On 09/30/2009 at 9:36am - misc - by failfailfail - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I left home to start my new life at University. Saying goodbye to my mother, the last thing she said to me was "Don't turn gay". I'm gay. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32077) - you totally deserved it (5915)
On 09/30/2009 at 5:31am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)
Today, I went to the restroom at school and when I finished my business, I noticed there was no toilet paper. I then began to wait hoping that a janitor would come by with extra toilet paper. It wasn't until an hour later that I then realized there was 4 extra rolls hidden behind the toilet. FML
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On 09/25/2009 at 6:09pm - misc - by MyLyfeSux (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I found my two best friends making out with each other. Not a big deal, right? Wrong. Today was my wedding day. One of the friends was my maid of honor, the other was my groom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44867) - you totally deserved it (1782)
On 09/25/2009 at 1:42pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I went on a date with a new guy after not dating for quite some time. I'd drank a lot of water, so I wouldn't eat so much on the date and look like a pig. Unfortunately, I'd forgotten how funny this guy really was. He made me laugh so hard, I peed all over myself. FML
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On 09/25/2009 at 12:43pm - love - by MessedXUp (woman) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I was offered a position as a school crossing guard. I have a $200,000 degree in Economics from a top 20 University and was offered a position to hold a stop sign and wear a reflective vest. I was tempted to accept. FML
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On 09/25/2009 at 12:11pm - work - by UnemployedGrad (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, it was my mother's birthday. My 5 year old brother and 85 year old grandma decided to decorate the house with balloons and a blow up "people" they found in my room. FML
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On 09/25/2009 at 11:24am - misc - by Needasafe1234 (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I received an envelope from verizon. I assumed it was my bill. I opened it and saw a visa credit card offer so I quickly snapped it in half to prevent identity theft. Only after playing with the pieces for 10 minutes did I realize that it was my $100 rebate from my new phone. FML
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On 09/25/2009 at 8:54am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)
Today, the gas station right in front of my apartment had people listening to loud music all night. I have this 3 hour test at 7:30am and didn't get any sleep. Worst of all, here in Brazil, calling the police won't help a thing. Instead of actually helping, they'll stop and join the party. FML
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On 09/25/2009 at 4:33am - misc - by stupidpolicia (woman) - Brazil (Distrito Federal)
Today, I had to listen to my mum and grandma planning a funeral for my grandpa. Who isn't dead yet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23279) - you totally deserved it (1097)
On 09/25/2009 at 4:13am - misc - by GirlFromAus - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I got flowers at work. I was excited until I saw they were from my good friend saying, "Sorry for sleeping with your boyfriend!" FML
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On 09/24/2009 at 12:16pm - love - by Tally (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I was offered to attend a Buddhist ceremony by one of my regular customers. Not wanting to offend the couple, I made an excuse about have a project for oceanography. Surprise, the husband is an oceanographer and wants to help me with my imaginary project. Karma much? FML
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On 09/24/2009 at 5:50am - work - by whatproject (woman) - United States (Hawaii)
Today, the weird receptionist at the hotel I'm staying at asked me if I needed an extra blanket because I "looked cold in my sleep last night". FML
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On 09/24/2009 at 5:50am - misc - by scaredtosleep (man) - United Kingdom (London)
