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Today, my brother was arrested for starting a fistfight at a funeral. He didn't even know the deceased; he's just been crashing funerals recently, hoping to hook up with mourners. I'm not sure who's more pathetic: him for doing such a thing, or me for bailing his fucking dumb arse out of jail. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23574) - you deserved it (4939)
On 02/16/2013 at 1:03pm - money - by an idiot (man) - Australia
Today, I moved in with my new dorm mate. I'm prone to very frequent panic attacks that can only be alleviated by cold air. My roommate is severely anemic, and has violent shivering fits when the temperature is below 80. No matter what, one of us is always shaking uncontrollably. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27929) - you deserved it (2528)
On 02/16/2013 at 3:47am - health - by Chuffberry - United States (Colorado)
Today, while I was babysitting, the little girl wanted to show me a picture that her mom had just sent to the family iPad via iMessage. Trying to be helpful, I clicked iMessage, only to see pictures of her father's erect penis. She won't stop asking about the "hotdog" in the picture. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25794) - you deserved it (1872)
On 02/16/2013 at 1:03am - kids - by Scarlett (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. He put me up against the wall and I yelled, "Harder!" without thinking. I heard the entire house go silent, my dad and his friends included. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12916) - you deserved it (37718)
On 02/16/2013 at 12:27am - intimacy - by uhoh (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, while at the store with my mom, we ran into the girl I recently confessed to being interested in. My mom decided to shout, "IS THAT HER?! IS THAT THE GIRL YOU LIKE?!" Embarrassed, I desperately told her to be quiet. She grounded me for being "rude" to her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27597) - you deserved it (2101)
On 02/15/2013 at 7:39pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Italy (Lombardia)
Today, I had to take my fiancé to the hospital so they could remove a tampon applicator that he claimed he somehow "fell onto". It was lodged up his nostril. I'm marrying this man in a week. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21211) - you deserved it (3373)
On 02/15/2013 at 6:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Venezuela (Lara)
Today, my dad lost his mind over the meteorite incident in Russia. He's convinced that it's part of some big government conspiracy to cover up a UFO crash-landing, and now he won't stop dismissively calling us "sheep" and telling us "do the research" just because we don't agree with him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19019) - you deserved it (1925)
On 02/15/2013 at 6:00pm - misc - by dadsadipshit - United States
Today, my girlfriend finally said that she finally felt ready to have sex with me. It ended up being so terrible that I only managed to get some pleasure out of it when my mind drifted to the thought of going to Olive Garden later and eating some of their breadsticks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28535) - you deserved it (6237)
On 02/15/2013 at 2:50pm - intimacy - by Acolyte of the Bacon God (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I walked past a few of my coworkers sitting outside smoking. As I got a whiff of the smoke, I coughed. They immediately started to defend their habit, and I was told to "mind my own fucking business." I wasn't trying to be rude; I'm actually allergic to cigarette smoke. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27956) - you deserved it (3170)
On 02/15/2013 at 12:53am - health - by youmindyourownbusiness - United States (Illinois)
Today, I saw my neighbor's delinquent kid shooting squirrels with a BB gun. Shocked and furious at his cruel behavior, I told him to stop, with the threat of telling his parents. He responded by shooting me in the nuts and running away in a fit of laughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26775) - you deserved it (7277)
On 02/15/2013 at 12:42am - animals - by bettercallpeta - United States
Today, I had to explain to my white girlfriend that dating me doesn't give her the right to call my mother the n-word. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31959) - you deserved it (6281)
On 02/14/2013 at 11:30pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I went to the market to buy some groceries. Before I got even half-way home, a guy stormed toward me, pulled what looked like a knife, and chased me around the block while screaming that he'd kill me for sleeping with his wife. Nope, still a 15-year-old virgin here. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29434) - you deserved it (1794)
On 02/14/2013 at 4:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Saudi Arabia (Ash Sharqiyah)
Today, my girlfriend bought herself a brand new iPad and iPod Touch, and returned my aging iPod and Kindle, which she constantly steals for her own use. She considers it my Valentine's Day present. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22357) - you deserved it (2839)
On 02/14/2013 at 3:23pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Germany
Today, I tried to give some change to a homeless man. My girlfriend pulled me away and ranted about how homeless people are all basically bastards who deserve their misfortune, and that I shouldn't give "our" money away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21962) - you deserved it (3935)
On 02/14/2013 at 3:06pm - money - by dating a fucking psycho (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, just so my family would think someone might actually be interested in me, I bought myself roses and attached a secret admirer card to them. My plan would have worked if I hadn't forgotten to take the receipt off the kitchen counter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7937) - you deserved it (27285)
On 02/14/2013 at 8:18am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)
Monday 17 June 2013
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