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RaV3N911's favorite FMLs
Today, I decided to buy a meal for a homeless man who was being shunned at an intersection. When I went to hand it to him, I realized it was my dad, wearing a tattered old shirt and pretending to be homeless to make some money. FML
by BulldogHoops / 11/12/2012 at 12:12am / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous
Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up on my dad while he was rummaging through his briefcase. He must have heard me, because the moment I got up close, he whirled around and yelled "BOO!" causing me to scream like a little bitch. FML
by gengiskarn69 / 03/12/2012 at 10:55am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/18/2011 at 4:18pm / United States / Animals
Today, I was riding my dorm elevator from the 5th floor to the 1st by myself. Since the elevator is really slow, I pulled my pants and underwear down just for kicks. Just then, the door opened to let a girl on at the 4th floor. FML
by embareassed / 01/20/2010 at 12:27am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up in my best guy friend's bed to the sound of him jerking off. As I laid there motionless with my back to him, he reached around me to grab a tissue. I don't think I can ever speak to him again. FML
by dfkjhregoiuberiug / 12/09/2009 at 4:20am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
by TasedAndDazed / 10/09/2009 at 11:05am / United States (Arizona) / Love
by juliaspaperbags / 08/16/2009 at 10:32am / United States (Maine) / Intimacy
Today, I was telling my dad about plans to go out late for a few drinks next week. My dad started his usual "YOU COULD GET RAPED!" lecture, before my brother sprang to my defence, "It's not like she's what they're after, is she?" Apparently, rapists are out of my league. FML
by adalia / 07/19/2009 at 1:11pm / United Kingdom (Barnsley) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was teaching swimming. A small boy said his stomach hurt, so I placed him on my back and carried him to the main building where he could lay down. He then jumped off my back and ran back towards the beach because 'he felt better'. I had explosive diarrhea all over my back. FML
by unluckycounsellor / 06/30/2009 at 7:26pm / Bermuda (Hamilton) / Kids
Today, I went to a family dinner. While waiting to be seated, a guy walked by and I looked to see if he was hot. Then my grandma yelled, "Get your eyeballs back in your head and quit staring at boys!" The whole restaurant heard her. Including the guy. And yes, he was hot. FML
by embarrassment / 06/12/2009 at 9:46am / Canada (Manitoba) / Love
Today, my rescue squad unit responded to a 911 call from a woman who felt she was going to pass out. We knocked on her locked door a couple times with no answer. Fearing she might be unconscious, I kicked in the door. She was about to open it and only passed out from the concussion I gave her. FML
by mrWrong / 03/24/2009 at 9:20pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
by john / 01/28/2009 at 6:02pm / United States (Kansas) / Love
by Gob / 01/16/2009 at 9:36am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by failphone / 01/07/2009 at 2:57pm / United States (California) / Geek
- Today, my university fridge is so small that the cucumber I bought doesn’t fit either lengthwise or… Today, I’m a bus driver in Paris. A guy got on with a sheep. I told him that you can’t take the bus… Today, I’m an au pair. The little boy that I take care of announced during a family dinner that I…