Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
About RMC000 : I don't talk about myself this much EVER, other stuff's more interesting.
Easy to talk to and laid-back; a sardonic and sometimes dry sense of humour. Low tolerance for dumb people but slow to anger. Love talking, telling jokes & goofing around. Growing up, I was always "that kid" who teachers enjoyed telling to shut up.
Into all kinds of stuff: military history, camouflage uniforms, weapons, politics, movies, foreign cultures, music and funny accents. An unusual line of interests, but they keep me sane and are enjoyable. What cash I spend on hobbies is only money that would've otherwise been spent on more damnable things like lottery tickets, porno mags or cigarettes.
I love history, a lot. I watch lots and lots and lots of movies. I love music, it is my escape.
Now you probably think I am the absolute weirdest person ever, but that's okay. I sometimes think that too. (If you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at?)
Me in a nutshell. Anything else you'd like to know? Ask.
I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
Today, I spotted my girlfriend in a store. She didn't notice me, so I went behind her, put my hands over her eyes, and said "Guess who." I got an elbow to the groin and mace to the face. While I was rolling on the ground in pain, she simply said, "Serves you right" and walked away. FML
Today, my six year old son came up to me with his arms spread and said, "I feel like a hug." I got really excited and hopeful because he is very anti-social and hates physical contact. As soon as I stood up to hug him he said "Feeling's gone" and walked away. FML
Today, I caught a cab to take me to a hospital appointment. The driver turned around and told me I was in the Cash Cab. I got really excited and screamed. That is, until she laughed and said, "Just kidding. I always wanted to do that to someone." FML
Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML
Today, I was invited over to a dinner with the CEOs of my company, along with my two children. My 3 year-old asked loudly why we have two "nose holes", to which my 4 year-old son replied "So you can pick your nose and still breathe!" He then demonstrated. FML
Today, while babysitting a five year old, I found a cartoon called Metalocalypse for him to watch while I made dinner. I didn't realize it was an "adult" cartoon until afterwards. He watched a whole episode about a clown with a cocaine problem. FML
Today, I took my 16 year-old daughter to get a bank account, taking her birth certificate with us as requested. When the teller wrote her name down on a piece of paper, my daughter said "How do you know my name?" The teller just looked at her and held up her birth certificate. I raised a nitwit. FML
Today, I went to an amateur baseball game with some family and friends. When our team hit a home run, my grandpa took it upon himself to start screaming wildly, removing his prosthetic leg and waving it jubilantly in the air. FML
Friday 18 July 2014