About R3TROxLOV3 : I basically have an alarming level of disdain directed towards all of you. Because of this disdain, I feel that roughly 99% of you aren't worth talking to. As such, refrain from messaging me, because I won't answer.
R3TROxLOV3's FML badges
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.
R3TROxLOV3's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 10/08/2011 at 9:04am / United States (Texas) / Love
by Ramis182 / 10/03/2011 at 12:26am / United States (Washington) / Kids
Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML
by TraumatizedMother / 10/02/2011 at 3:27am / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, I was giving an anti-drugs speech to a group of ninth graders. I got onto the topic of trafficking from problem countries and asked a student to point out Mexico City on a map. He hesitated a few seconds before pointing at Canada. What the hell has the education system come to? FML
by jesus christ / 09/30/2011 at 10:55pm / United States / Kids
Today, as I was walking home from school with my guy friends, my dad pulled up by the sidewalk, offered me a handful of dollar bills and said, "Get in, baby." Only after we drove away and he started laughing did I realize I'll probably never hear the end of this at school. FML
by Anonymous / 09/30/2011 at 10:01pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/24/2011 at 7:01pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love
Today, I walked in on my daughter trying to tan herself with her regular desk lamp. She won't believe that it wouldn't give her a tan. She's 16 years old. This isn't the first time this has happened. FML
by Anonymous / 09/20/2011 at 3:24am / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids
Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML
by awesomekidsmum / 09/17/2011 at 9:20pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by Anonymous / 09/14/2011 at 12:34pm / United States (Kansas) / Health
Today, I got bored and decided to visit a porn site. I typed in the address and hit enter. A split second later, I realized I wasn't typing into the browser address bar, but in a chat window on my other screen. I'd been chatting with a girl I wanted to get with at the time. FML
by Extended_desktop / 09/11/2011 at 1:53pm / Poland / Intimacy
by Kevin / 09/09/2011 at 8:10am / United Kingdom / Love
Today, my girlfriend told me she knows I've been cheating on her, and is desperate to prove she's "better than that other slut, or it's over between us." I've been pushed down and forcefully kissed ten times now. All because she saw a pic online of me kissing a girl. It was her. FML
by waj9876 / 09/08/2011 at 8:34pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy
Today, I started my first day working at a toddler day care center. At one point I decided to play "got your nose" with one of the kids. It turns out this kid has a physical birth abnormality on his face. I got his nose... his prosthetic nose. FML
by MJjunior / 08/31/2011 at 12:04pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Kids
Today, the workplace evacuation bell sounded. Out of panic after the recent earthquake, I ran down 21 flights of stairs, only to find out it was a false alarm. My legs are on fire, and I can barely walk. FML
by Anonymous / 08/26/2011 at 7:06pm / United States / Work
by Anonymous / 08/24/2011 at 4:03am / United States / Money
- Today, my boyfriend started talking to my breasts in public. As if that wasn't bad enough, he then… Today, I found out that the same police officer who has arrested me twice has been sleeping with my… Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He knows that I love when he breaths on my neck. When I…