About R3TROxLOV3 : What to say... :O
*I’m 18
*I’m a girl
*I devour books. Not literally Devour them, but devour them as in I read an average of 8 per a week
*I'm usually quite friendly, but if someone rubs me the wrong way, I can turn into a bitch from hell.
*I play 3 instruments (piano-1o years, viola- 8years, guitar- 2 years) and sing
*I laugh, A Lot
*Most people either like me, or hate me. Frankly, I don't care either way, because I'm not here to make you happy.
*I lack a filter, meaning i say things without fully processing what I'm about to say, and whether or not It's an appropriate thing to say in public. I will undoubtedly offend someone almost every time I comment, but usually not on purpose.
*I don't like it when guys on FML send me messages with pick-up lines. Seriously. I get them frequently and it's quite irritating. So stop it. I don't find it endearing, it just makes me homicidal.
… The End :)
Happy Ending
Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”
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Today, I was shaving naked in my cold bathroom before showering. My wife walked up behind me, yelled "Shrinkage!" and flicked the head of my penis as hard as she could. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24196) - you deserved it (2989)
On 03/12/2012 at 12:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10629) - you deserved it (35344)
On 03/08/2012 at 2:03pm - intimacy - by Fraser - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I called my husband, who is currently stationed in Japan, to see how he was doing. According to his girlfriend, he's doing fine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36329) - you deserved it (1828)
On 02/27/2012 at 12:42pm - love - by unknown - United States
Today, I overheard my fourteen year old daughter talking on the phone. Apparently, as of last night, she and her best friend have their "official licenses in muff diving". FML
I agree, your life sucks (19794) - you deserved it (2861)
On 02/20/2012 at 4:19pm - intimacy - by Gavin - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend of six months that giving another guy a blow job IS cheating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38616) - you deserved it (3407)
On 02/18/2012 at 1:34am - intimacy - by hatinthelife - United States (Utah)
Today, I walked out onto the driveway to find my mom standing on the wet pavement, screaming at the worms that had come out after the rain, saying that they were "on private property" and that they were "trespassing." All of our neighbors had come out of their houses to watch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21606) - you deserved it (1615)
On 02/15/2012 at 12:47pm - misc - by jess (woman) - United States (Montana)
Today, even though she can barely deal with raising kids, my 19-year-old sister announced her fourth pregnancy, by a fourth man, of yet another race. Why? Because she wants to "be like Angelina Jolie." I fear that social services may laugh at me if I tell them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29428) - you deserved it (1895)
On 02/12/2012 at 7:18pm - kids - by amythest - United Kingdom (Belfast)
Today, we got a new seating arrangement in my science class. I'm now sitting between two people who have spent the last 20 minutes whispering dirty things to one another. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20091) - you deserved it (1863)
On 02/08/2012 at 1:15pm - love - by Anonymous -
Today, it was my first time having sex with this guy. After a few second he stops, sits in the corner of his room buff-naked, with his knees up and his hands on his face. He then pouts and claims it was his worst performance ever. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23415) - you deserved it (3103)
On 02/01/2012 at 3:19am - intimacy - by crybaby - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23627) - you deserved it (3643)
On 01/30/2012 at 7:25pm - intimacy - by ugh (man) - United States
Today, my husband thought it would be "funny" to put laxatives in the cakes for my son's 7th birthday party. Over 40 kids came to the party. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26693) - you deserved it (2592)
On 01/25/2012 at 11:18pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I woke up to the sound of a Suburban crashing through my fence and striking the tree in my front yard. After filling out the police report, the driver repeatedly asked me to give him a lift to work. He seemed confused by my speechlessness. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18046) - you deserved it (1386)
On 01/22/2012 at 12:57pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)
Today, I found out the guy that my girlfriend introduced as her brother was actually her boyfriend. I also paid for him to come out with us to the movies several times. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33045) - you deserved it (2676)
On 01/21/2012 at 8:25am - love - by addicted2v - United States (New York)
Today, I had to sit through 10 minutes of hearing a man on the tram tell his friend in explicit detail about all the filthy sex acts he'd like to do to me. His friend told him to take a photo to jack off to later. When I tried to tell the tram driver, he told me to "take it as a compliment." FML
I agree, your life sucks (28385) - you deserved it (2805)
On 01/19/2012 at 3:32am - intimacy - by missprude666 (woman) - Australia
Today, I turned on the news to see a live report about an increase in crime in my town. One minute in, my drunk daughter appears behind the news reporter, butt naked, dancing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31182) - you deserved it (4555)
On 01/18/2012 at 5:30pm - misc - by MakesMeLol (man) - Ireland (Dublin)
Monday 17 June 2013
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