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About Polkadot_492 : I love making friends
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Today... I ran out of clean boxers. Thinking nobody would find out... I snatchd a pair of my wife's panties. Later... we had a cook out 4 my birthday... where some of my old pals thought it would be funny to pants me. FML
Today , mah boyfriend was extremely nervous to meet mah parents but I made him do it anyway!! One of the first things out of his mouth was , "I'm glad you had sex." When they gave him a look of shock , he added , "You know , when you made yur daughter! She's awesome!"
Today, at work, a customer came in and ordered a "Butterbeer Frappuccino." When I said we serve no such thing, she yelled at me for "lying" to her, saying she knew about our "secret menu." She ended up complaining to manager and demanded that he fre me. FML
TODAY, MAH SISTER AND I WERE HAVING A SLUMBER PARTY IN MAH ROOM SINCE MAH PARENTS LEFT ON A TRIP. THEY LEFT MAH GRANDPARENTS HERE TO WATCH US. IT WAS PAST BED TIME AND WE STARTED HEARING SOME STRANGE NOISES THROUGH MAH FLOOR. WE THOUGHT IT WAS THE RADIO. TURNS OUT MAH GRANDMA IS A SCREAMER. FML
Today, mah boyfriend and I were about to get intimate 4 the first time. He said he didn't want to use a condom, and that I should just give him one of mah birth control pills instead, "so we can still be just as safe". What the hell? real FML
Today, I Was Getting Intimate With Mah Girlfriend. She Pulled Down Mah Trousers, Saw Mah Poke-ball Boxers, An Absolutely Lost It. I Had To Lie Next To Her In Bed 4 The Next 10 Minutes Hearing Her Howl With Laughter While Crying ( Dickachu, I Choose You! ) FML
Today... My Little Sister Was Scared To Sleep Alone... So My Parents Made Her Sleep In Bed With Me. I Barely Slept... Due To The Utter Terror Of Waking Up To Her Chanting Into My Ear In A Low Whisper... "This Is Where U Die... This Is Where U Die..." FML
today I went to a water park with a group of friends. As I went down the water slide, some complete turd waffle of a kid in the water kicked his leg out in line with my crotch. The moment I hit the bottom was the moment I think I became sterile. FML
Today, I went to the gym fir the first time in ahile. I was doing upper body workouts and decided to ask a very large man to spot mehile I did bench presses. As he stood over me, I saw two beads of sweat roll off his nose. One hit me on the cheek. The other landed in open mouth. FML
Today, my 6-year-old son was so angry at me 4 not buying him overpriced candy at the arport, that he told a security guard I had a machine gun in my suitcase . The interrogation was not pleasant . FML
Friday 27 March 2015