Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Polkadot_492

Offline (the 11/19/2014 at 7:57pm) | Search for a member

Polkadot_492

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 17 June 1997 (17 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1078
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Polkadot_492 : I love making friends

Polkadot_492's page activity

Visits<b>haylburg</b> - the 07/26/2013 at 7:46am<b>crisanba</b> - the 07/18/2013 at 12:16pm<b>Wizardo</b> - the 03/18/2013 at 5:07am<b>1x1x1x1</b> - the 03/12/2013 at 10:57pm<b>Nsswimmer</b> - the 03/04/2013 at 11:41pm<b>incendiaaa</b> - the 03/04/2013 at 4:50pm<b>michelledoogles</b> - the 01/24/2013 at 1:43am<b>oj101</b> - the 01/21/2013 at 5:27am

Polkadot_492's FML badges

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

See all of Polkadot_492's badges

Polkadot_492's favorite FMLs

Today, I hooked up with a girl at a club, and we had sex. She just lay there like a corpse the whole time. It got so bad, I ended up faking an orgasm and blaming the lack of semen on a botched vasectomy. She actually believed it. What the hell? FML

#21235982
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40489) - you deserved it (9244)

On 08/12/2014 at 4:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML

#21235845
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40762) - you deserved it (25684)

On 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm - intimacy - by not a dick-man (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I saw a customer at the restaurant I work at lovingly petting his cheeseburger and whispering sweet promises to it. FML

#21234388
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35069) - you deserved it (3323)

On 08/10/2014 at 10:22pm - work - by weirded out (man) - United States (California)

Today, my husband and I attended a funeral. After the service, my phone vibrated. It was a text from my husband, saying "I've got mourning wood like you wouldn't believe! get it? MOURNING. haha :D" I looked up and saw him across the room, winking at me. Not the place, honey. FML

#21234106
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48247) - you deserved it (5577)

On 08/10/2014 at 3:26pm - intimacy - by jackie89 (woman) - United Kingdom (Cornwall)

Today, I put on a porno, trying to unwind after a bad day. 10 minutes in, I was so pissed off with the girl constantly repeating "You like that? Yeah?" and the cameraman's obsession with the guy's asscrack that I started yelling at the screen. Now I'm more stressed than ever. FML

#21232670
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38739) - you deserved it (12847)

On 08/08/2014 at 5:29pm - intimacy - by FUCK YOU (man) - United States

Today, I finally felt ready for intimacy with my boyfriend, and I sent him a sexy picture of myself topless. He texted back, "Ewwwww." FML

#21232655
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44229) - you deserved it (6783)

On 08/08/2014 at 5:05pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Israel

Today, I fell asleep in the doctor's waiting room. When I woke up, the room was empty, and there was a $1 bill tucked into my cleavage. FML

#21232452
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36041) - you deserved it (5972)

On 08/08/2014 at 10:43am - misc - by freakedout (woman) - United States

Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML

#21228111
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49171) - you deserved it (21252)

On 08/03/2014 at 1:16am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my girlfriend interrupted my proposal to take a selfie with the ice cream I had just bought her. She then said no. FML

#21227229
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51970) - you deserved it (5914)

On 08/02/2014 at 12:00am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that my wife of 12 years has slept with the workmen we've had working on our long term building project. They call her the "quickie queen". FML

#21226819
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54238) - you deserved it (3660)

On 08/01/2014 at 2:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I got a new dentist. You know how most dentists play soft, relaxing music? Well this guy seems to like rap a lot, and it's kinda hard getting your teeth cleaned to the sound of bullets going off. FML

#21131626
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38763) - you deserved it (4262)

On 05/05/2014 at 5:51pm - health - by randomusername99 - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend informed me that during the night, I shot up in bed and whimpered tearfully, "I don't have anything for the fancy-dress!" She also decided to share this with all our friends. I'm never going to live this down. FML

#21124489
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37234) - you deserved it (4674)

On 04/27/2014 at 4:51pm - misc - by joe rogan fucking sucks, dude (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I got a call from the police that my house had been burglarized, but an off-duty cop caught the criminal. I pull up to see my detained, psycho ex-boyfriend sheepishly grinning at me. He had three of my lace panties and two of my bras, claiming it was "all for memories sake". FML

#21115090
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50167) - you deserved it (4223)

On 04/16/2014 at 11:14pm - love - by exasperated (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was sitting on the couch, watching The Avengers with my 4-year-old daughter, who loves the Hulk. When Hulk finally showed up, she excitedly looked at me and screamed, "Hulk Smash" before slamming both of her fists into my balls. FML

#21044971
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49819) - you deserved it (6244)

On 01/30/2014 at 7:34am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at my new boyfriend's house, and he was taking a shower. I had to take a crap real bad, but his apartment only has the one bathroom. I couldn't wait for him to finish, and ended having to shit in a plastic bag. FML

#21044466
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49002) - you deserved it (21574)

On 01/29/2014 at 7:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)



FML's blog

  • K'Naye's illustrated FML
  • Woohoo it's the weekend! Winter is all around some of us, but not in our hearts. To help fight off the cold and seasonal depression, this week we're taking a look at love and tenderness. It's what keeps…

Friday 21 November 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: