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Pelvispresley's favorite FMLs
Today, I ran out of my usual hand lotion that I use for 'me time'. I instead decided to try and us my after shave lotion as a replacement. Apparently, my member doesn't agree with one of the ingredients, and has now swollen to the size of my fist. FML
by Metime / 11/04/2009 at 11:17pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Intimacy
Today, I came back home to meet people before going away to university, including my ex and her new boyfriend. We broke up about two months ago and there were no bad feelings between us, so I decided to have a chat with them. I asked "How long have you been going out?" He replied "Seven months." FML
by H4rd_Man / 11/01/2009 at 2:02pm / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Love
Today, while my girlfriend and I were getting it on, she suddenly stopped and yelled "STOP!". I stopped, scared I'd hurt her. She then yelled "HAMMER TIME!" and started to dance. We never finished. FML
by Anonymous / 09/16/2009 at 1:19am / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy
Today, I broke my mother's Tiffany lamp from the 1920's. Practically crying, I raced onto the computer to try to find one to order before she comes back in three weeks. The lamp is worth over twelve thousand dollars, and the only way I'm getting one is if I lived 90 years ago. FML
by someexplanationrequired / 08/03/2009 at 1:24pm / Canada (Ontario) / Money
Today, I asked a buddy of mine if he wanted to see a movie. He said he was busy that day, so I decided to go alone. Midway through, the couple behind me is making out and kicking my seat. I turn around, and it's my ex-girlfriend making out with my buddy. FML
by frankfukhergood / 07/09/2009 at 1:49am / Canada / Miscellaneous
by PiZzA_FaCe / 05/29/2009 at 5:09pm / United States (Illinois) / Health
Today, after taping 5-year-olds do a skit at an improv camp, I used the camera's view-finder to zoom in on a female co-worker's chest. Another female co-worker tapped me on the shoulder to show that the TV was still connected to the camera. Parents, kids, and instructors all witnessed it. FML
by Noname / 03/13/2009 at 9:06pm / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at the dentist getting a cavity filled. As she's drilling into my tooth, I feel the drill slip, and then she quickly stuffs gauze into my mouth. She nervously laughs and says to me "Wow! You must really be numb!" FML
by Noname / 03/06/2009 at 5:20pm / United States (Connecticut) / Health
Today, I'm reading in the subway sitting one leg over the other. An old lady sits down next to me. After quietly examining me for about two stations she leans over to me and whispers in my ear: "Girl, sitting like all the time will make you end up with a crooked c**t". I'm a man. FML
by jcc / 02/24/2009 at 3:31am / Russian Federation (Moscow City) / Transportation
by leez / 02/01/2009 at 5:43am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by dammed / 01/27/2009 at 2:41pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, my boyfriend asked me to set up his new Mac and transfer all the pictures from his old notebook. Seems like he forgot that when he went on vacation 2 months ago he took pictures of him getting it on with another guy. We've been together for 3 years and just moved in together. FML
by theamericandream / 01/25/2009 at 8:07am / United States (Illinois) / Love
by Petridishoflove / 01/20/2009 at 1:12am / Hong Kong / Miscellaneous
Today, I heard my next door neighbour screaming as if someone was trying to slice her throat. Her window was open. Intrigued, I went onto my balcony and asked if everything was okay, and if she needed anything. She and her boyfriend shout back in unison: "We're F*ing, go away". FML
- Today, I was standing by the bed naked, waiting for my wife to come out of the bathroom. She opens… Today, I went to a gay club with my supportive straight best friend to find me a date. Somehow, she… Today, I found out that I am bleeding from my cervix and must refrain from having sex for the next…