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Pelvispresley's favorite FMLs
Today, I was upset after a fight with my husband, so I cried alone in the bedroom. My 4-year-old son then comes in and hugs me. I thought he was trying to comfort me, but he then told me he had to go get his quarter my husband had promised to pay him if he made me shut up. FML
by Danielle / 08/22/2011 at 3:38am / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, as I was walking home from work, my dad drove past, pulled over, rolled down the window and asked, "Are you tired of walking?" To which I replied "Yes!" Just as I reached for the car door, he yelled "RUN A WHILE" and sped off. FML
by RYZILLAHitZ / 06/29/2011 at 9:32pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by meyo555 / 06/02/2011 at 5:45am / United States (Nebraska) / Health
Today, my little brother discovered that bears can be very territorial and will pee on things to keep others away. He took this new found information to heart and peed on various things in the house that he wanted for himself, including my laptop. FML
by Joey / 01/30/2011 at 12:21pm / United States (California) / Kids
by Anonymous / 12/19/2010 at 12:24am / United States (Texas) / Love
by Anonymous / 11/17/2010 at 3:03am / United States (California) / Love
Today, my wife and I had one of the biggest arguments we've ever had, which resulted in her leaving, going to her parents' house and calling me twice, screaming and sobbing. The argument was over a seven dollar bottle of wine. Apparently, she was "saving it for a special occasion." FML
by Anonymous / 11/15/2010 at 9:02pm / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, my sixteen year old son told me that he's following his guidance counselor's advice: to do what his hero does for a living. The problem? His hero is SpongeBob Squarepants. His ambition in life is to become a fry cook. FML
by Anonymous / 11/07/2010 at 3:15pm / Canada (Quebec) / Kids
Today, I received a message from front desk that my concerned father is trying to contact me. I call only to hear that my parents were freaking out that I wasn't answering my phone. They saw me 9 hours ago. They were going to call the police. I'm in college and also don't live with them anymore. FML
by over_protected / 01/18/2010 at 7:28am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by VAngelique / 01/10/2010 at 9:48am / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, I was getting ready for a party and accidentally knocked my blender off the counter. After taking a half an hour to clean up all the glass, I went upstairs to get the spare blender I keep in the closet. I tripped, and broke the blender. I just applied for a waitressing job. FML
by cutiepatootie / 01/03/2010 at 12:04am / United States (Vermont) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was looking at my wedding pictures I had just ordered and I tried to flick something off one of the pictures, but it wouldn't come off. In a panic I quickly looked through all of my pictures and realized that I had a booger sticking out of my nose. No one told me. FML
by boogerbrain / 12/09/2009 at 4:06pm / United States (South Carolina) / Love
Today, I was cleaning out my new guinea pig cage for the first time because one of them had babies last night. After using a spatula to shovel up the 3 inch layer of crap and placenta, I decided to hose it down. The hose came on so hard, it sprayed the dung and birth water all over my face. FML
by poohead / 12/09/2009 at 12:07am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals
by smellsofeggs / 11/26/2009 at 4:13pm / United Kingdom (Brent) / Animals
by Volume_control / 11/10/2009 at 9:41am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
- Today, I couldn't get into my car. I got mad at the lock, and my key broken inside it. It wasn't my… Today, my mom had to go to one of her relatives’ funeral. She came to borrow a black scarf from me,… Today, my boyfriend wanted to show me that he listened to me yesterday: I said that I loved unusual…