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Orchard

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Orchard
  • Town/Country : unknown, Unknown
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Sunday 18 August 1985 (28 years)
  • Number of visits : 3379
  • Number of comments : 192
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About Orchard : “There is nothing so secular that it cannot be sacred, and that is one of the deepest messages of the Incarnation.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle

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Orchard's favorite FMLs

Today, while training a new employee, I had to run after a naked guy chasing a hooker at the hotel I work at. I made him go back to his room, while she offered me a good time for 300 bucks. The trainee left and hasn't come back yet. FML

#20849812
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36203) - you deserved it (2500)

On 08/22/2013 at 7:50pm - work - by Awkward - United States

Today, I did something I'd always wanted to do: I went swimming with dolphins. It was really fun, until I went to kiss the dolphin, and she slipped her tongue half into my mouth. FML

#20849713
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41072) - you deserved it (13190)

On 08/22/2013 at 6:45pm - animals - by violated ._. (woman) - United States

Today, I was the victim of a drive-by pissing by some drunken loon on a segway. FML

#20849456
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33254) - you deserved it (2311)

On 08/22/2013 at 3:05pm - misc - by never thought I'd say that (woman) - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, I was playing Charades with my boyfriend's family. When it was his turn, he pointed at me. His mother said "Bitch?". The answer was "relationship". FML

#20848780
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48807) - you deserved it (3287)

On 08/22/2013 at 12:40am - love - by Embarrassed (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my spouse asked me if I could transfer some of the passion I have for buffalo wings into our relationship. FML

Today, I was watching TV with my boyfriend, when a weird wart-removal ad came on. He watched in disgust as the lady's wart said rude things to her. Then he looked at me and said seriously, "I'm glad yours don't talk..." FML

#20842136
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37496) - you deserved it (4051)

On 08/17/2013 at 8:27pm - love - by WartCream - United States (Kansas)

Today, I went downstairs a little after midnight to grab a snack, and in the dark hallway, I clearly saw a small child walk into the kitchen. I was freaked out, but I followed him in. There was nobody in the room. I'm now too scared to sleep, and am seriously considering moving house. FML

#20841635
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51655) - you deserved it (4249)

On 08/17/2013 at 12:27pm - misc - by fsfs (man) - Germany (Schleswig-Holstein)

Today, my mom came into my room to give me a goodbye kiss. Due to the routine of my girlfriend doing the exact same thing in the exact same spot, I held the kiss way longer than what a mother/son kiss should last. My mom actually had to tell me to "let go". FML

#20839296
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32865) - you deserved it (25577)

On 08/15/2013 at 9:06pm - misc - by deadman (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my superior gave me a box of ethernet cables which were previously attached to mainframes storing classified data. He requested I cut them in half so that the residual data would leak out. Not only does this guy make twice my salary, there was no convincing him otherwise. We cut them up. FML

Today, my dog died. In the same kitchen corner that two of my other dogs have died. I have a "Corner Of Death" in my kitchen. FML

#20833377
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49693) - you deserved it (2738)

On 08/12/2013 at 4:17am - animals - by The Corner Of Death (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, it was my son's fifth birthday. I asked my grandmother, who is a baker, to make a birthday cake for the party. Two hours after the party started, she arrived drunk with a large ham with candles in it. FML

#20826835
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47687) - you deserved it (4224)

On 08/08/2013 at 4:03am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I woke up at 6am and went into the kitchen, where I saw a mouse in front of the fridge. Petrified, I stood in the doorway shooing it for a few minutes. My husband then walked into the kitchen, picked up the "mouse", and threw it in the bin. It was a used tea bag. FML

#20823044
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35855) - you deserved it (17297)

On 08/06/2013 at 12:01am - animals - by Tea_baggins (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my son told his 8-year-old sister that since she swallowed an apple seed, that a tree is going to grow in her stomach and kill her. She's inconsolable and won't believe that she'll be fine, because "they say that to all the dying people on TV". FML

#20817414
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40196) - you deserved it (3367)

On 08/02/2013 at 5:54pm - kids - by ulisha5 (woman) - Bulgaria (Burgas)

Today, my 10-year-old son told my 5-year-old daughter that we're a ghost family, and told her to run through our glass door to see for herself. She believed it, ran straight into the door, and ended up having to be taken to hospital. FML

#20813979
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52608) - you deserved it (5051)

On 07/31/2013 at 7:19pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Falkirk)

Today, my father shot my fiancé. He's fine, but the wedding is off. FML

#20812145
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57195) - you deserved it (3613)

On 07/30/2013 at 8:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)



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