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Orchard

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Orchard

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Sunday 18 August 1985 (29 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 11647
  • Number of comments : 194
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About Orchard : “There is nothing so secular that it cannot be sacred, and that is one of the deepest messages of the Incarnation.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle

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Orchard's favorite FMLs

Today, I did my first night of open-mic standup. The first 5 minutes went badly, but I don't know if it got any better afterwards, because a drunk audience member climbed up on stage and knocked me out. FML

#21341383
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28151) - you deserved it (3378)

On 01/21/2015 at 12:34am - work - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I let out a monstrous fart at the gym. They said it didn't even sound human. FML

#21341250
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26741) - you deserved it (6009)

On 01/20/2015 at 9:41pm - misc - by highschoolsucks - United States

Today, my 15 year old sister asked which animal rice comes from. She believed every word when my mum told her it's harvested from tiny cows in Asia. FML

#21340484
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27250) - you deserved it (2256)

On 01/19/2015 at 7:45pm - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I saw a stick in my car and picked it up to throw it out the window. The "stick" turned out to have eyes. It was a dead lizard. FML

#21339043
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22348) - you deserved it (9415)

On 01/17/2015 at 5:30pm - animals - by bad luck Bianca - United States (Texas)

Today, I realized that while I've been the same minuscule height for the past five years, my feet won't stop growing. I'm 5 foot and a size 12. I look like a clown. FML

#21338417
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27699) - you deserved it (5582)

On 01/16/2015 at 5:15pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I gambled on a fart and lost. FML

#21337828
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23399) - you deserved it (14997)

On 01/15/2015 at 8:08pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my girlfriend was making lunch and asked me to pass her the peanut butter. I'll never know why, but as I handed it to her I said the first thing that came to mind: "I really want a dog." She looked at me in horror, then told me to get out of her house. FML

#21334531
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24102) - you deserved it (4257)

On 01/10/2015 at 3:00pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I found three of my sister's dildos as I helped her unpack boxes for her new house. Jokingly, I said, "Why would you even need three?!" She actually explained. FML

#21334501
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30238) - you deserved it (9966)

On 01/10/2015 at 2:02pm - intimacy - by sisterlylove - United States (Missouri)

Today, I went to work and said hi to my boss. He reached towards me. I thought he was trying to give me a hug, so I awkwardly hugged him back. Turned out he was just trying to fix my shirt collar. FML

#21334002
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26441) - you deserved it (3764)

On 01/09/2015 at 4:17pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I signed into my online class, got bored, and took off my headphones to argue with my roommates about anal sex. At the end of the argument, I put my headphones back on to hear my professor asking if someone could call me to tell me to turn my damn mic off. FML

Today, my father was playing with my son and his toy animals. He picked one up and said, "What is this? Some kind of African horse?" It was a zebra. FML

Today, I had a sneeze attack while my nose was bleeding. Now my living room looks like a crime scene. FML

#21332502
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33744) - you deserved it (2791)

On 01/07/2015 at 2:07am - misc - by MonsterProblems (woman) - Croatia

Today, I was shopping with my dad and I saw one of my guy friends, so we waved and smiled at each other. My dad clearly thought his wave was too "romantic", because he shouted at him, "Touch her, and I'll kill you." FML

#21330296
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30463) - you deserved it (2782)

On 01/03/2015 at 10:56pm - misc - by Dear Lord Save Me (woman) - United Kingdom (Merthyr Tydfil)

Today, I found out my 7-year-old daughter really did lie about my husband's "other girlfriend" as revenge for being grounded, and that he never cheated on me at all. We're well into our divorce proceedings and he won't forgive me for not believing him when he denied it. FML

#21327839
301 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23334) - you deserved it (42308)

On 12/31/2014 at 2:00pm - kids - by skanula414 (woman) - Sweden (Skane Lan)

Today, I was playing what became an extremely intense game of hide-and-seek with my best friend's sister. I finally found the perfect place, so I slid down into the bath and began to cover myself. She popped up out of nowhere and said, "FOUND YOU!" I got so scared that I punched her in the face. FML

#21325704
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28542) - you deserved it (7160)

On 12/28/2014 at 4:07am - kids - by angryman -



Idan Schneider's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

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FML's blog

  • The Best of the Worst #11
  • Yes, we're late. We've been doing stuff, the New Year and our birthday party got in the way, but there's no excuse. So, we're sorry for not churning out another Best of the Worst in due…

Wednesday 28 January 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

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