About NothernNightmare : shhhh, can you hear that? that's the sound of me not caring.
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NothernNightmare's favorite FMLs
Today, I discovered how pathetically introverted I am when during a car ride with my family, I said, "I really like this song" and my parents gasped because they didn't realize I was in the back seat. And I'm their only child. FML
by mississippi123 / 08/06/2012 at 1:41am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, while attempting the Italian Chandelier with my girlfriend, I heard a popping noise, and then had a sharp pain in my dick. Turns out I "broke" it. Instead of calling 911 immediately, my girlfriend remarked how my now black and blue penis looked like a Smurf. FML
by Anonymous / 08/05/2012 at 1:33am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
Today, a guy said to me, "I'd really love to see that smile back at my place." Trying to be cute, I asked him if he was single. He replied with, "No, but I am a dentist. I could definitely fix that crossbite." FML
by wut / 08/05/2012 at 1:23am / United States / Health
Today, my mom's intense fear of tornadoes caused her to break into the bathroom, drag me off the toilet while I was changing my tampon, and drag me to the basement with my pants around my ankles to join my father, brother, and my brother's best friend. FML
by m / 08/04/2012 at 8:44pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/04/2012 at 7:04pm / United States / Kids
by alyssabree42 / 08/04/2012 at 2:56am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
Today, after waking up, I went into the kitchen and took a swig of milk from the carton. I overestimated my strength, and the whole thing splashed all over my face. A few moments later, my dad staggered in, looked at me in disgust, and said, "You know what? I don't even wanna know." FML
by squeltorey / 08/03/2012 at 3:28pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I discovered that I have been falsely accusing my sister of stealing my makeup. How do I know this? Because I found said makeup in the trunk of my boyfriend's car, next to a bag that had fishnet tights and red stilettos in it. Oh, and the stilettos are his size, in case you were wondering. FML
by SingleAgain / 08/03/2012 at 2:22am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
Today, as I sat down in the plane, I realized that for the next seven hours I would be sitting next to a priest who refused to stop praying aloud, and an old man who wanted to tell me the story of how the toothpick came to be. FML
by skrillexblewme / 08/02/2012 at 12:30pm / United States / Transportation
Today, my daughter discovered that her Venus Fly Trap will not eat pieces of ripped-up scrap paper. Also today, I discovered that my daughter can't tell the difference between scrap paper and my monthly paycheck. FML
by Anonymous / 08/02/2012 at 10:12am / United States (Arizona) / Kids
by Anonymous / 08/01/2012 at 7:31pm / United States (Minnesota) / Animals
by Anonymous / 08/01/2012 at 5:02am / United States / Intimacy
Today, my sister and I were watching the Olympics. Michael Phelps was on the screen, and I was thinking how hot he is. My sister commented on how he looks so much like our brother. I can never look at either of them the same way ever again. FML
by Anonymous / 08/01/2012 at 1:51am / United States (Colorado) / Love
Today, I tried to explain to my daughter why she couldn’t have a sleepover with her boyfriend yet. She said, "If you're so worried about me having sex, then you failed as a father because I've already banged four guys." FML
by Anonymous / 08/01/2012 at 12:17am / Canada / Intimacy
by lotd / 07/31/2012 at 7:28pm / United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, I asked a customer to send me via e-mail the image he wanted me to print. He said, "I don't…