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NoDontKillMe

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NoDontKillMe
  • Town/Country : Here, 'Murica
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 657
  • Number of comments : 136
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About NoDontKillMe : *・゜゚・*:.。..。.:*・'(*゚▽゚*)'・*:.。. .。.:*・゜゚・*

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NoDontKillMe's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

See all of NoDontKillMe's badges

NoDontKillMe's favorite FMLs

Today, my guidance counselor told me that I'll have to join my school's special education needs sector. This is because I can't attend school properly due to chronic issues with severe pain. So much for my 3.9 GPA and being in the top 5% of my class. FML

#20632758
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44219) - you deserved it (2816)

On 04/30/2013 at 1:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, for a laugh, I put vanilla yogurt into a mayonnaise jar and went to the mall to eat it with a spoon. Too bad that someone called mall security on me for disturbing the peace. They shoved me into a back room and grilled me about what was in the jar. FML

#20632537
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39687) - you deserved it (17642)

On 04/30/2013 at 11:09am - misc - by longsock123 - United States (California)

Today, I had a job interview at the local donut shop. It turns out I misunderstood the position, and that the job was actually to wear a donut costume and wave at cars outside the shop. I was told this after I got hired. FML

#20630021
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38702) - you deserved it (8304)

On 04/29/2013 at 9:39am - work - by sdeeter (man) - United States

Today, I smoked weed with friends. Stoned, I put on my sister's high heels instead of my Vans and I walked to 7-11. FML

#20624531
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16810) - you deserved it (66866)

On 04/27/2013 at 2:33am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was the victim of a drive-by egging by some bastard riding a segway. He still got away. FML

#20606053
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35426) - you deserved it (7854)

On 04/19/2013 at 9:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand

Today, I dressed up as Batman for a comic book convention. I was hit by a car on the way there by a man dressed up as the Joker for the same convention. FML

#20587443
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57489) - you deserved it (19401)

On 04/13/2013 at 1:04am - misc - by ironies a b*tch - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was supervising some kids, who were playing on a bouncy castle. One of them managed to kick me in the face during a jump, and looking for an apology, I asked, "What do you say?" He paused, then shouted, "HEADSHOTTTTT!" FML

#20587303
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41991) - you deserved it (18349) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/12/2013 at 8:14pm - kids - by xx-look-at-xx - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, I had a friend "dump" me over Facebook. She apparently thought we were dating. I'm a gay man who's lived with his partner for 5 years. She says I have commitment issues. FML

#20583902
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41868) - you deserved it (4302)

On 04/10/2013 at 6:17pm - love - by drama king? (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was yelled at while I was shopping by some lady, because she saw my tattoo on my arm. She screamed that I'm the "spawn of Satan" and told me I'm going to hell. It's a fake tattoo of Mickey mouse. FML

#20581879
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34159) - you deserved it (2486)

On 04/09/2013 at 7:05am - misc - by MickyIsEVIL - Japan (Aichi)

Today, while shopping for a birthday present for my size 0 friend, I picked out a pair of pants for her. When paying, the cashier looked me up and down and said, "Well, you're pretty optimistic aren't you?" FML

#20574572
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44046) - you deserved it (3656)

On 04/04/2013 at 11:12am - misc - by NotASize0 (woman) - Denmark

Today, I learned that if not for my grandfather gifting my dad $200, I would have been named Anthrax. FML

#20552804
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30317) - you deserved it (2355)

On 03/20/2013 at 9:11pm - misc - by cheeseburglar_9000 (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, after my 5-year-old finally got over his grandmother's death, we went to a store and saw a lady that looked exactly like her. She came up to us asking if we saw her grandson; I can't get my son to stop freaking out. FML

#20535134
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35232) - you deserved it (2052)

On 03/07/2013 at 8:55pm - kids - by Maxie - United States (Ohio)

Today, I met my new class. There are two Kevin Smiths. Neither will agree to a nickname, they have the same hair color, and their middle names both start with J. They have told me to call them Kevin 1 and Kevin 2. They both want to be Kevin 1. FML

#20512577
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35113) - you deserved it (2803)

On 02/18/2013 at 7:26pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my high-strung and normally very proper mother took twice her prescribed dose of Ambien, and extolled the virtues of a "full blown sexual relationship with oneself", advising my teenage sister to "only include the men when they behave." FML

#20511803
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28617) - you deserved it (2708)

On 02/18/2013 at 3:24am - intimacy - by buxton1 - United States (California)

Today, I had to use a public bathroom. I have problems going when other people are there, so I waited until everyone left. Two girls noticed I was taking a long time, and started giggling and throwing notes under the door asking if I was alive. This continued for half an hour. FML

#20505035
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23234) - you deserved it (4231)

On 02/13/2013 at 2:33pm - misc - by please leave... - United States (Texas)



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