NoDontKillMe

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NoDontKillMe

4Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3781
  • Number of comments : 136
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About NoDontKillMe : *・゜゚・*:.。..。.:*・'(*゚▽゚*)'・*:.。. .。.:*・゜゚・*

NoDontKillMe's page activity

Visits<b>ThunderLightTSV</b> - the 05/17/2016 at 11:15pm<b>BestOrginalName</b> - the 04/21/2016 at 9:16am<b>bazookajoey</b> - the 11/08/2015 at 8:54am<b>mocky_mauz</b> - the 07/26/2015 at 11:21am<b>Nail9797</b> - the 06/12/2015 at 6:11pm<b>Snake1105</b> - the 05/22/2015 at 8:55am<b>Illuminati_</b> - the 04/25/2015 at 2:51pm<b>ThatDamHuntress</b> - the 03/15/2015 at 11:21pm<b>Violet_Embers95</b> - the 02/16/2015 at 9:53pm<b>clairesucks</b> - the 02/02/2015 at 5:41am<b>xninix</b> - the 01/31/2015 at 1:06am<b>Gesula</b> - the 01/14/2015 at 4:39am<b>buckstop1</b> - the 01/01/2015 at 2:13pm<b>morlogg</b> - the 11/30/2014 at 2:37am<b>MissEris</b> - the 09/10/2014 at 9:50am<b>aclark2523</b> - the 08/14/2014 at 8:56am<b>tripwire234</b> - the 08/08/2014 at 1:56am<b>CTPope74</b> - the 08/05/2014 at 3:41pm

Fucked!<b>ThunderLightTSV</b> - the 05/18/2016 at 5:15am<b>Violet_Embers95</b> - the 02/17/2015 at 3:53am<b>clairesucks</b> - the 02/02/2015 at 11:41am<b>morlogg</b> - the 11/30/2014 at 8:37am

NoDontKillMe's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

See all of NoDontKillMe's badges

NoDontKillMe's favorite FMLs

Today, I was walking down the stairs with my guitar in hand, singing "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" to my wife. I sang, "I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall". Before I could say "asleep", I fell down the stairs. My wife almost pissed her pants laughing. My bum hurts. FML

by Anonymous / 05/28/2013 at 12:37pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I helped an elderly woman carry her suitcase down a flight of stairs. When I got to the bottom, a man tackled me to the ground thinking I was stealing the woman's luggage. As I lay in pain, he ran up the stairs to return the suitcase and the poor woman had to carry it down on her own. FML

by gooddeedgonebad / 05/26/2013 at 5:19am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my extremely religious father visited for a family dinner. My daughter had just one job: not to set him off on one of his easily-provoked rants. She nonetheless decided to take a photo in the middle of prayer, because she just HAD to Instagram her food. My father went apeshit. FML

by Anonymous / 05/24/2013 at 12:40pm / Brazil (Rio de Janeiro) / Kids

Today, while at hospital with a broken arm, I was asked to raise my hand onto the x-ray machine. I told the nurse I couldn't move it without extreme pain. She told me to suck it up, picked up my arm, and dropped it on the machine. I could feel the bone completely separate. FML

by mackmackey / 05/18/2013 at 7:15pm / United States (Arizona) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I visited my grandparents at their farm. When I went to pee in the outhouse, I noticed a round thing in the middle of the hole, so I peed on it. It was a beehive. FML

by random / 05/13/2013 at 11:06am / United States / Animals

Today, my parents scoured my browser history, certain that I have a hidden Facebook account that I'm using to get up to no good. Their reasoning was that there's no way my only friends are my relatives and that all I can post about is about the weather. FML

by Anonymous / 05/11/2013 at 1:15am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while answering an "anonymous" survey about how to keep my school drug free, I told them they should stop drug testing the kids that they know don't do drugs and test the sketchier ones. They in turn drug tested me. FML

by drug testing / 05/09/2013 at 6:22pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, my family flew out to surprise my grandma for her 70th birthday. When we arrived, she and my grandpa were both sitting on the couch, high, smoking a joint. FML

by Anonymous / 05/08/2013 at 2:59am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried lying to my parents for the first time. My mother is a neuroscientist and my father is a psychologist. Somehow, they managed to make me admit that I was lying before I'd even finished. FML

by blondie107 / 05/06/2013 at 8:52pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after my mom picked me up from the mall, she asked me what was in my bag from Gap. I wouldn't tell her, and she ended up grounding me. It was her Mother's Day present. FML

by anonymous / 05/06/2013 at 2:08pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I babysat a 4-year-old child for my neighbor. It seems he had diarrhea. The evidence of this is in his pants, down his leg, on the couch, on the bathroom floor, smeared on my wall, and in the shape of a brown handprint on my shirt. FML

by Aunjy / 05/05/2013 at 4:49pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML

by wtfmama / 05/04/2013 at 8:51am / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids

Today, I gave a big presentation to my class. It included PowerPoint slides and video clips of the country I'd been researching. Another student did a presentation on the same country, except he just read from its Wikipedia page. He practically got a standing ovation. I got a single clap. FML

by Anonymous / 05/03/2013 at 12:38pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom asked me what a MILF is. Apparently that's her nickname at work. FML

by Anonymous / 05/01/2013 at 11:55am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I went on a run. Going a decent pace, I passed a woman walking her dog. I joked, "C'mon! Keep up!" Thirty feet later I stepped in mud, rolled my ankle and fell. The woman walked by as I lay in agony, and told me to keep up. FML

by luvs2spooge89 / 05/01/2013 at 10:27am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous