Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

MrSassypants

Offline (3 hours ago) | Search for a member

MrSassypants

119Fucked!

MrSassypantsMrSassypants
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 26980
  • Number of comments : 2089
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About MrSassypants : Hello there! My, oh my, don't you look good today!? Dang, male/female/human/alien/4thDimensional creature visiting my profile, you look stunning!

Anyways, my name is Kevin, and I use this app when I am bored, meaning all the time so I'm online often.

Well I lied on my profile and said I am about 23 years old. I am 18. Sorry I am a filthy liar. You should call me and tell me how much of a filthy boy I am. My number is: 012-345-6789.

MrSassypants's page activity

Visits<b>yuno_gasai</b> - 19 hours ago<b>StrangeNigga</b> - the 05/20/2015 at 3:35am<b>Deluxe_1</b> - the 05/19/2015 at 7:54pm<b>D_Word_Head</b> - the 05/19/2015 at 5:38pm<b>doctor__who</b> - the 05/18/2015 at 11:55pm<b>EvilTurtle</b> - the 05/18/2015 at 4:34pm<b>teejaycro</b> - the 05/18/2015 at 4:08pm<b>swampbaby985</b> - the 05/16/2015 at 7:53am<b>ireply_wlyrics</b> - the 05/15/2015 at 6:06pm<b>Airborn0280</b> - the 05/15/2015 at 5:27pm<b>XmasaX</b> - the 05/14/2015 at 8:47pm<b>GavinoFreedom</b> - the 05/14/2015 at 1:08pm<b>DoomSkuller</b> - the 05/14/2015 at 9:38am<b>e_is_for_eli</b> - the 05/14/2015 at 8:57am<b>PremiumWhale</b> - the 05/13/2015 at 3:28pm<b>nityasomaiya</b> - the 05/13/2015 at 12:30pm<b>LittleRed79</b> - the 05/13/2015 at 12:40am<b>pee</b> - the 05/12/2015 at 7:55pm

Fucked!<b>StrangeNigga</b> - the 05/18/2015 at 6:03am<b>ismedrage</b> - the 05/10/2015 at 11:48am<b>Starburrito</b> - the 05/04/2015 at 1:41pm<b>ZombieVampirez</b> - the 05/02/2015 at 10:49am<b>Skyzeri</b> - the 05/01/2015 at 2:13am<b>thebakingseal</b> - the 04/30/2015 at 3:13pm<b>imunoz903</b> - the 04/24/2015 at 1:36am<b>Mukuro</b> - the 04/23/2015 at 8:12pm<b>random_funnygirl</b> - the 04/23/2015 at 3:50pm<b>sarah5745</b> - the 04/23/2015 at 2:46pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/23/2015 at 1:08pm<b>TheNiceOne</b> - the 04/23/2015 at 1:02pm<b>quinzxl</b> - the 04/23/2015 at 11:17am<b>Monday_funday</b> - the 04/23/2015 at 8:54am<b>salpyy</b> - the 04/23/2015 at 8:31am<b>thuguke</b> - the 04/23/2015 at 7:30am<b>ScoobyDude</b> - the 04/23/2015 at 5:06am<b>DarksideDoll</b> - the 04/21/2015 at 4:25am

MrSassypants's FML badges

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

One more and it's business time

You've received 68 likes on your profile. Kinky.

See all of MrSassypants's badges

MrSassypants's favorite FMLs

Today, my teacher "busted" me for writing down answers on my arm for a test. The so called "answers" was just a duck my little nephew had drawn on my hand the night before. She's actually trying to get me suspended over it. FML

#21298328
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36192) - you deserved it (2322)

On 11/13/2014 at 1:17pm - misc - by really - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boyfriend bought us plane tickets to Mexico for our "Honeymoon". This would be nice if he had proposed and if we'd been dating for longer than 2 weeks. FML

#21297437
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34657) - you deserved it (3278)

On 11/12/2014 at 12:21am - love - by anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my cat tunneled her way under the covers to sleep beside me. It was really cute until she panicked in the middle of the night and practically skinned me alive trying to find her way out. FML

Today, my dad got so drunk that he forgot my name. He started calling me "It". FML

#21295011
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35247) - you deserved it (2827)

On 11/08/2014 at 9:36pm - misc - by ItGirl - Sweden (Sodermanlands Lan)

Today, my neighbor's five-year-old rode his tricycle into a history diorama I had spent days slaving over. When I confronted him, he just said, "Vroom vroom muthafucka." FML

Today, I learned that the house I've been living in and paying rent for the past two months was never advertised as vacant. I learned this when the actual homeowners walked in, and called the police for an "intruder." FML

#21291174
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35973) - you deserved it (3021)

On 11/03/2014 at 10:54am - money - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset)

Today, my boyfriend lied about having herpes, and used it as an excuse to dump me. FML

#21290234
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30819) - you deserved it (2695)

On 11/02/2014 at 1:30am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I realized why the lady I had complimented the night before on Halloween about her amazing one-armed costume, looked so hurt. She is literally missing an arm. I'm an asshole. FML

#21289586
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34029) - you deserved it (12946)

On 11/01/2014 at 8:58am - misc - by That Guy - United States (Florida)

Today, my now ex-boyfriend actually tried to justify his cheating by saying it doesn't count as cheating if the girl's bisexual. FML

#21288568
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34426) - you deserved it (2870)

On 10/30/2014 at 6:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Israel (Tel Aviv)

Today, I was getting a pedicure to cheer myself up. I've been so lonely, I got overly excited when someone sat next to me, because I got to pretend I had a friend. FML

#21286908
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31920) - you deserved it (3886)

On 10/28/2014 at 10:07am - misc - by bottombarrel - United States (Ohio)

Today, I watched my co-worker throw the mother of all temper tantrums. He's a radio personality, and just learned that he's not famous enough to use the "Don't you know who I am?" line to get out of a traffic ticket. FML

#21286268
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29972) - you deserved it (2630)

On 10/27/2014 at 12:25pm - work - by Radio GaGa (man) - Canada

Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML

#21285558
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40435) - you deserved it (8707)

On 10/26/2014 at 10:25am - intimacy - by soisblueballsdickhead (woman) - United States

Today, my son asked for my help with a personal matter. I was flattered that he trusted me, since he's a paranoid, untrusting psycho. Turned out he wanted to use my locksmith skills to break into his ex's house and "teach her a lesson" for breaking up with him after he cheated on her. FML

#21285546
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34879) - you deserved it (4969)

On 10/26/2014 at 9:54am - kids - by Bob H. (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I'm so out of shape, I started wheezing on my way to check my mailbox. Not my physical mailbox, either; my email inbox on the phone I'd left on the table at the bottom of the stairs. FML

#21285495
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22399) - you deserved it (21227)

On 10/26/2014 at 6:35am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was at work and a lady screamed at my manager for about 15 minutes, saying I needed to be fired because I couldn't get rid of all the flies buzzing around her food. She was the one who chose to eat on our patio. FML

#21285397
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32159) - you deserved it (2283)

On 10/26/2014 at 1:17am - work - by Anonymous - United States



Caleb Taylor's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Best of the Worst #14
  • We're back! Hooray! It's the month of May and time once again to dig around the FML postbag to see what wonders of the English language we can find. Like a sculptor making a statue out of a block of marble,…

Wednesday 20 May 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: