About MrSassypants : I am a football playing king in space.... with a mustache.
Well I lied on my profile and said I am about 22 years old. I am 16. Sorry I am a filthy liar. You should call me and tell me how much of a filthy boy I am. My number is: 012-345-6789.
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Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
I never take things to heart
Having said that, my 3 comments on that FML were really worth it.
Today, I left the hospital after having knee surgery. While trying to find my balance on my crutches, I was holding onto the roof of the car. My mum slammed the car door shut, not noticing my hand. I can barely even bend my fingers to hold onto my crutches. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17253) - you deserved it (893)
On 10/07/2012 at 1:43am - health - by badluckbrianna (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I have a massive headache, thanks to my asshat of a roommate, who decided to balance our tea kettle on the top of the kitchen door. When I stumbled into the kitchen, half-awake, it came smashing down onto my head. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13679) - you deserved it (1092)
On 10/05/2012 at 4:25pm - health - by sharky (man) - United States
Today, I was babysitting a six year old girl, when I saw a huge spider on the wall. I screamed and told her to stay back. Instead, she walked up to the spider, squished it, and told me to stop being such a baby. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7046) - you deserved it (16901)
On 09/30/2012 at 1:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)
Today, I listened to my roommate and her friend struggle with their math homework for an hour. It wouldn't be so bad, except for the fact that I'm a math major and repeatedly offered my help. They'd rather fail math than be around me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17402) - you deserved it (1726)
On 08/29/2012 at 4:51pm - misc - by foreveralone.jpg (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, my husband announced that he was fed up with us being known as the neighborhood slobs, and prepared to take down all the Christmas decorations still up from last year. He then decided it was too much effort, and that he'd leave them up to give us a three month head-start. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11364) - you deserved it (4088)
On 08/19/2012 at 6:28pm - misc - by i believe in shaq (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I got a phone call out of the blue from a young man, who screamed that he was going to kill me for sleeping with his fiancée. I told him I am a 49-year-old man who hasn't been laid since my wife passed away, four years ago. He stammered, shouted, "Well she was a slut too" and hung up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25311) - you deserved it (927)
On 08/17/2012 at 8:20pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I worked overtime with three guys who never shut up about partying and getting laid. When I finally escaped the testosterone and got home, the first thing I heard was my grandpa telling my dad all about how he once fisted a girl to orgasm. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23540) - you deserved it (1753)
On 08/15/2012 at 6:52pm - intimacy - by what the FUCK (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I realized that my neighbors can not only hear me singing in the shower through my apartment's paper-thin walls, they also take great delight in recording it so that they can play it at high volume for their friends when they next throw a party. I want to disappear. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15550) - you deserved it (2526)
On 08/15/2012 at 5:14pm - misc - by ShowerStar (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, my girlfriend started a huge fight with me over how I don't have the right to have close female friends anymore. She ended up storming off, and won't return my calls. But no worries: she did just play the word "murder" in our game of Words With Friends. Very comforting. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14802) - you deserved it (2270)
On 08/15/2012 at 12:17pm - misc - by larSON5 (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my dog farted so loud in his sleep that he scared himself and woke up barking. This afternoon I achieved the same feat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13960) - you deserved it (2259)
On 08/09/2012 at 10:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my dog farted so loud in his sleep that he scared himself and woke up barking. This afternoon I achieved the same feat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13960) - you deserved it (2259)
On 08/09/2012 at 10:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, one of the human turds that I stupidly added on Facebook posted how terrible her life is after her dad refused to arrange yet another holiday for her this year, so I bitched her out for being such a spoiled little brat. A few hours later, her boyfriend came over and beat the shit out of me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22179) - you deserved it (22002)
On 08/01/2012 at 4:59pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Bedfordshire)
Today, I was speaking to my mother on the phone, when she mentioned that my dad had surprised her last week with a pearl necklace. Before I could quite grasp what was going on, I'd popped a boner and visualised the scene. What the hell is wrong with me? FML
I agree, your life sucks (7958) - you deserved it (27240)
On 07/27/2012 at 8:30pm - intimacy - by clayton (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I was at the mall, when I saw an elderly lady drop her groceries, so I rushed over to help her pick them up. She took one look at me, called me a "Liberal bastard," and shouted for me to get away from her before she called the cops. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14874) - you deserved it (1454)
On 07/27/2012 at 7:55pm - misc - by WTF is all I ask (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, my fiancée's OCD hit a new low when she screamed at me for flicking the light-switch off "the wrong way". This led to her flicking it on and off about a dozen times, followed by a twenty-minute lecture on how to do it "properly". We're getting married next month. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17337) - you deserved it (6051)
On 07/27/2012 at 5:23pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Romania (Bucuresti)
Friday 24 May 2013
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