Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

MrSassypants

Offline (2 hours ago) | Search for a member

MrSassypants

98Liked!

MrSassypantsMrSassypants
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 24504
  • Number of comments : 2063
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About MrSassypants : Hello there! My, oh my, don't you look good today!? Dang, male/female/human/alien/4thDimensional creature visiting my profile, you look stunning!

Anyways, my name is Kevin, and I use this app when I am bored, meaning all the time so I'm online often.

Well I lied on my profile and said I am about 23 years old. I am 18. Sorry I am a filthy liar. You should call me and tell me how much of a filthy boy I am. My number is: 012-345-6789.

MrSassypants's page activity

Visits<b>Tavers</b> - 3 hours ago<b>breakless1</b> - the 03/27/2015 at 6:37pm<b>SarahSehhati</b> - the 03/27/2015 at 1:56am<b>kmarshofmywindow</b> - the 03/26/2015 at 11:56pm<b>nohalo91</b> - the 03/26/2015 at 10:35am<b>elizabeth_black</b> - the 03/23/2015 at 10:39pm<b>sam_cat</b> - the 03/23/2015 at 8:34pm<b>Stillo</b> - the 03/23/2015 at 2:43pm<b>firelegend</b> - the 03/23/2015 at 7:14am<b>chazzywazzy654</b> - the 03/20/2015 at 6:25pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 03/20/2015 at 9:54am<b>HnyBee13</b> - the 03/20/2015 at 2:15am<b>raspygirl</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 11:02pm<b>dude_itskayley</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 10:54pm<b>nathan_schmitz_</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 9:02pm<b>PickledSweets</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 8:16pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 8:09pm<b>UserOfTheMind</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 7:45pm

Liked!<b>Tavers</b> - just now<b>Stillo</b> - the 03/23/2015 at 7:43pm<b>raspygirl</b> - the 03/20/2015 at 4:03am<b>nathan_schmitz_</b> - the 03/20/2015 at 2:02am<b>bayy1432</b> - the 03/18/2015 at 11:37pm<b>NarutoLove</b> - the 03/17/2015 at 8:11am<b>Alicestraza</b> - the 03/16/2015 at 3:07am<b>ThatDamHuntress</b> - the 03/15/2015 at 12:00am<b>Angelify</b> - the 03/14/2015 at 4:29am<b>sneakattacked</b> - the 03/13/2015 at 9:02pm<b>SuperGrover10</b> - the 03/13/2015 at 11:45am<b>nguyenerrr</b> - the 03/13/2015 at 9:57am<b>BellaRoseeee</b> - the 03/13/2015 at 9:39am<b>RoseWithThorns</b> - the 03/13/2015 at 8:45am<b>cookimonstur</b> - the 03/13/2015 at 8:39am<b>samantha236le</b> - the 03/13/2015 at 7:36am<b>yuno_gasai</b> - the 03/13/2015 at 7:31am<b>HnyBee13</b> - the 03/13/2015 at 6:57am

MrSassypants's FML badges

One more and it's business time

You've received 68 likes on your profile. Kinky.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

What'cha looking at?

You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

See all of MrSassypants's badges

MrSassypants's favorite FMLs

Today, my date mugged me, just minutes after I paid our bill at the restaurant. FML

#21320485
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32787) - you deserved it (2469)

On 12/19/2014 at 6:27pm - money - by j4 - United Kingdom

Today, after six long, hard years of involuntary celibacy, I was finally about to get laid. Except it was just a dream, and in it my mom stormed in just as things got heated, called me a useless cunt, and told me to go do my chores. I guess my brain forgot I moved out years ago. FML

#21320480
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31774) - you deserved it (4003)

On 12/19/2014 at 6:14pm - intimacy - by giantblueballsthesizeofjohnnysinscock (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I got a new downstairs neighbor. Herpes. FML

#21318606
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24432) - you deserved it (33163)

On 12/16/2014 at 4:04pm - health - by fuck - Norway (Buskerud)

Today, I woke up to the lovely sounds of goats having escaped their pen and climbed onto the roof. Again. FML

Today, I found out my Nan passed away. My boyfriend came over to comfort me, things got intimate and we ended up having sex. After he came, he chuckled to himself and said, "That one's for you, Nan". FML

Today, my Canadian friend is staying a few days at my parents' house. I drove him from the airport, only to find my idiot dad had decked the spare room out with maple syrup bottles. He keeps saying "eh" all the time and asked "What's he so upset aboot?" when my friend was offended. FML

#21316775
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31060) - you deserved it (2984)

On 12/13/2014 at 1:36pm - misc - by ehxtraordinarily pissed (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she's been cheating on me for the past two months. Apparently she thought I'd take it well, because when I yelled at her for being a heartless bitch, she stuttered "S-sike!" and tried to play it off as a prank. She's acting like we're still dating. FML

#21316716
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33031) - you deserved it (2693)

On 12/13/2014 at 11:19am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML

#21316711
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29808) - you deserved it (5250)

On 12/13/2014 at 11:03am - intimacy - by giantcuntflaps (woman) - Australia

Today, I finally told my boyfriend that he's not very good at dirty talk. He does it every time we have sex and it always turns me off. He started crying. FML

#21316697
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35293) - you deserved it (6385)

On 12/13/2014 at 10:20am - intimacy - by Nicole (woman) - United States

Today, after months of correcting him, I got so used to my boss calling me "Alex" that I didn't respond to my own name several times today. FML

Today, I asked my teacher how old he was, and jokingly I said, "50?" Then he chuckled, so I laughed and said, "I was kidding… 42, 43, 44?" He then looked at me and said, "Are you trying to guess my age, or your grade percent in this class?" FML

#21315734
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21263) - you deserved it (27058)

On 12/11/2014 at 6:13pm - work - by IHateSchool-.- - United States

Today, I received a gift certificate from my grandmother for a local bookshop. Considering how broke I am, this would be a fantastic gift. If the bookshop in question wasn't a right-wing evangelical Christian Bookshop, and I wasn't Jewish. FML

#21315500
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27227) - you deserved it (3082)

On 12/11/2014 at 8:29am - misc - by Soverytired (woman) - Australia

Today, my husband sent me a link to an article titled "5 ways you are unknowingly destroying your husband and killing your marriage." FML

Today, at work, I gave a piece of candy to a co-worker I have a crush on. She looked at me weirdly and walked away. I then remembered that my friend wrote "penis" on the wrapper. FML

#21314853
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28932) - you deserved it (6830)

On 12/10/2014 at 3:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I enjoyed the soft caressing touch of the person I'm attracted to. It would have been even better if he weren't simply stroking my arm hair in amazement at its superior length and density. FML

#21313670
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30759) - you deserved it (4675)

On 12/08/2014 at 9:12am - love - by lovethateuropeanblood (woman) - Japan (Osaka)



Sophie Marie's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Sophie Marie's illustrated FML
  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: