Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

MrSassypants

Offline (2 hours ago) | Search for a member

MrSassypants

54Liked!

MrSassypantsMrSassypants
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 22808
  • Number of comments : 2054
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About MrSassypants : Hello there! My, oh my, don't you look good today!? Dang, male/female/human/alien/4thDimensional creature visiting my profile, you look stunning!

Anyways, my name is Kevin, and I use this app when I am bored, meaning all the time so I'm online often.

Well I lied on my profile and said I am about 23 years old. I am 18. Sorry I am a filthy liar. You should call me and tell me how much of a filthy boy I am. My number is: 012-345-6789.

MrSassypants's page activity

Visits<b>FusionPlacebo</b> - 15 hours ago<b>TheTrainKid</b> - 15 hours ago<b>happysmile987</b> - 17 hours ago<b>Juicenub</b> - 18 hours ago<b>bigmike3000</b> - yesterday at 11:28pm<b>sam_cat</b> - yesterday at 6:37pm<b>captain_crook</b> - yesterday at 4:22pm<b>rocker_chick23</b> - yesterday at 4:16pm<b>Teckzilla</b> - the 02/26/2015 at 3:57am<b>SarahSehhati</b> - the 02/26/2015 at 2:59am<b>blinked_281</b> - the 02/24/2015 at 6:37pm<b>ChoolyBooly</b> - the 02/24/2015 at 2:42pm<b>jacky75</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 8:22pm<b>ironfey</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 12:18am<b>turdoblast</b> - the 02/22/2015 at 3:17pm<b>xxNIGHTxx</b> - the 02/21/2015 at 6:41am<b>Ludults</b> - the 02/19/2015 at 4:56pm<b>Enslaved</b> - the 02/19/2015 at 3:38am

Liked!<b>TheTrainKid</b> - 9 hours ago<b>SarahSehhati</b> - yesterday at 8:59am<b>ChoolyBooly</b> - the 02/24/2015 at 8:42pm<b>xxNIGHTxx</b> - the 02/21/2015 at 12:41pm<b>nataliewby</b> - the 02/13/2015 at 5:10pm<b>WellFookMe</b> - the 02/11/2015 at 7:24am<b>Retaheki</b> - the 02/10/2015 at 12:15am<b>sNOOBie</b> - the 02/07/2015 at 10:31pm<b>frogpotatoz088</b> - the 02/07/2015 at 3:36pm<b>AHzulu</b> - the 02/06/2015 at 8:25pm<b>SlowDownImaNoob</b> - the 02/06/2015 at 7:54pm<b>UserOfTheMind</b> - the 02/03/2015 at 12:01am<b>Baustigt</b> - the 01/29/2015 at 2:29pm<b>marythecat333</b> - the 01/28/2015 at 11:58pm<b>SideOfTheAngels</b> - the 01/28/2015 at 12:39am<b>xninix</b> - the 01/27/2015 at 10:56pm<b>buckdharma</b> - the 01/26/2015 at 10:06am<b>Firegirl741</b> - the 01/24/2015 at 1:12am

MrSassypants's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

What'cha looking at?

You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

See all of MrSassypants's badges

MrSassypants's favorite FMLs

Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML

#21316711
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29645) - you deserved it (5228)

On 12/13/2014 at 11:03am - intimacy - by giantcuntflaps (woman) - Australia

Today, I finally told my boyfriend that he's not very good at dirty talk. He does it every time we have sex and it always turns me off. He started crying. FML

#21316697
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34338) - you deserved it (6100)

On 12/13/2014 at 10:20am - intimacy - by Nicole (woman) - United States

Today, after months of correcting him, I got so used to my boss calling me "Alex" that I didn't respond to my own name several times today. FML

Today, I asked my teacher how old he was, and jokingly I said, "50?" Then he chuckled, so I laughed and said, "I was kidding… 42, 43, 44?" He then looked at me and said, "Are you trying to guess my age, or your grade percent in this class?" FML

#21315734
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20408) - you deserved it (26081)

On 12/11/2014 at 6:13pm - work - by IHateSchool-.- - United States

Today, I received a gift certificate from my grandmother for a local bookshop. Considering how broke I am, this would be a fantastic gift. If the bookshop in question wasn't a right-wing evangelical Christian Bookshop, and I wasn't Jewish. FML

#21315500
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27206) - you deserved it (3081)

On 12/11/2014 at 8:29am - misc - by Soverytired (woman) - Australia

Today, my husband sent me a link to an article titled "5 ways you are unknowingly destroying your husband and killing your marriage." FML

Today, at work, I gave a piece of candy to a co-worker I have a crush on. She looked at me weirdly and walked away. I then remembered that my friend wrote "penis" on the wrapper. FML

#21314853
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28772) - you deserved it (6819)

On 12/10/2014 at 3:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I enjoyed the soft caressing touch of the person I'm attracted to. It would have been even better if he weren't simply stroking my arm hair in amazement at its superior length and density. FML

#21313670
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29799) - you deserved it (4300)

On 12/08/2014 at 9:12am - love - by lovethateuropeanblood (woman) - Japan (Osaka)

Today, at work, due to a mix up, I had to call an answering service. I am also from an answering service. We got the problem fixed but I couldn't hang up due to company policy. She couldn't hang up either. We both had to get our supervisors for permission to hang up. FML

#21312305
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32767) - you deserved it (3029)

On 12/06/2014 at 12:18am - work - by ring-a-ding-ding (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I broke a glass case containing my pet scorpions. I still can't find them. FML

#21312200
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27450) - you deserved it (13858)

On 12/05/2014 at 8:32pm - animals - by sting - United States (California)

Today, the family computer's 15-year-old CRT monitor which gives me headaches finally stopped working. My dad quickly found a replacement: an even older CRT monitor that gives me worse headaches. FML

#21311912
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30154) - you deserved it (2904)

On 12/05/2014 at 9:00am - misc - by has an old monitor (man) - Germany (Berlin)

Today, I found the Christmas candy that I'd hidden a year ago. Turns out I wasn't the only living creature who had found it. FML

#21311642
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24091) - you deserved it (6876)

On 12/04/2014 at 8:56pm - misc - by shugette212 - United States

Today, on a dimly lit red eye flight, I woke up to see my mom's head bobbing up and down in my dad's lap. I guess giving out stealthy blow jobs next to your sleeping son is no big deal. FML

#21311441
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42338) - you deserved it (2991)

On 12/04/2014 at 2:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband shaved off his beard. Turns out he looks like my ex. FML

Today, I dug out the 5 fancy, extremely expensive candles I bought during Black Friday. I lit one up, and was delighted that it smelled so great. My mother then walked into my room and stated that it smelled "like shit". The other four were going to be a Christmas gift for her. FML

#21309261
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29765) - you deserved it (2985)

On 12/01/2014 at 2:30am - money - by shitty candles - United States (Washington)



Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML
  • Madonna must be the only person breathing a sigh of relief right now thanks to all the idiots arguing about the colour of a dress. Thanks to a badly-lit photograph, everyone seems to have forgotten that she super…

Friday 27 February 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: