Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

MrSassypants

Offline (14 hours ago) | Search for a member

MrSassypants

3Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 16137
  • Number of comments : 1850
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About MrSassypants : I am a football playing king in space.... with a mustache.

Well I lied on my profile and said I am about 23 years old. I am 18. Sorry I am a filthy liar. You should call me and tell me how much of a filthy boy I am. My number is: 012-345-6789.

MrSassypants's page activity

Visits<b>mip_92</b> - 21 hours ago<b>shanekicksass</b> - 21 hours ago<b>xivoricbutterfly</b> - the 10/19/2014 at 2:40pm<b>FanOfAnimations</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 5:18pm<b>boring_boredom</b> - the 10/15/2014 at 3:38am<b>kolonis8</b> - the 10/15/2014 at 1:14am<b>Tbear11</b> - the 10/14/2014 at 4:36pm<b>Rainhawk94</b> - the 10/14/2014 at 3:59pm<b>lailakhan</b> - the 10/14/2014 at 3:46pm<b>Bradley_Dillon</b> - the 10/14/2014 at 2:03pm<b>Anonymousjeffrey</b> - the 10/14/2014 at 1:46am<b>how_about_no_</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 7:29pm<b>Ugleh</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 7:22pm<b>hetalia_thailand</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 4:49pm<b>AHandsomeCookie</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 4:45pm<b>Splenda_nauts</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 4:26pm<b>hurtfeet</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 4:17pm<b>Lanker</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 3:21pm

Liked!<b>hetalia_thailand</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 10:49pm<b>jhill5472</b> - the 10/11/2014 at 8:25pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 09/12/2014 at 2:20pm

MrSassypants's FML badges

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of MrSassypants's badges

MrSassypants's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend wrote me a long poem that ended with, "Please don't get another mister / I regret I screwed your sister". FML

#21014860
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50852) - you deserved it (4179)

On 01/02/2014 at 10:50pm - love - by notakeeper - United States (Florida)

Today, I watched my father attempt to light a cigar with the stove and end up burning off some hair and eyebrows. He tried to play it cool, said, "Haircuts are too expensive these days anyway." and walked out, his head smoking. This man is a college professor. FML

Today, I tried waxing for the first time. At first it felt like I'd dipped my balls in a furnace. Now I can't even feel them. FML

#21011655
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35745) - you deserved it (20465)

On 12/31/2013 at 2:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, my boyfriend found an old nude of me on his best friend's PS3. I had no idea this guy existed until we moved in with him. FML

Today, I tried to prove to my girlfriend how much I've matured and that our relationship comes before anything else in my life. So I went to delete my character in World of Warcraft. I tried to confirm it, but I couldn't, breaking down in tears instead. FML

#21010392
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34730) - you deserved it (28020)

On 12/30/2013 at 12:20pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my mom isn't coming to see me for Christmas. Instead she'll be spending it in jail for a DUI and battery. Thank you to my cocklick of an aunt for taking a recovering alcoholic to a bar and pressuring her into relapse. FML

#21003791
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44146) - you deserved it (2887)

On 12/24/2013 at 3:48pm - misc - by jhulich (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, my mother was reading an annual Christmas letter from an old university friend. When she remarked that she could have married him instead of my father, I replied that she wouldn't have had me then. She then said, "Exactly, I could have had his daughter instead." FML

#21002184
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43450) - you deserved it (3616)

On 12/23/2013 at 5:44am - kids - by rejected (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I came home after working on a difficult case. My husband wasn't home so I hopped into bed. My feet felt something and I reached down and picked it up out of the sheets. It was lacy black thongs. I don't own black thongs. FML

#20999870
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51043) - you deserved it (3331)

On 12/21/2013 at 2:08am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me during a funeral. FML

#20999827
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46492) - you deserved it (4056)

On 12/21/2013 at 1:26am - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I was laying in the grass, staring into the blue sky and watching planes go by. My boyfriend snuggles down next to me; it was a sweet moment. He then told me all about how the planes above are leaving 'chem trails', and that he believes the CIA is out to mind-control us all. Right. FML

#20998520
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33690) - you deserved it (5260)

On 12/19/2013 at 9:45pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I saw a guy in the street drawing caricatures, and I decided to pay him to do one of me. Being a caricature, I looked pretty monstrous in it. When I showed it to my mum later, she shuddered and said, "Yeah, looks just like you." FML

#20998272
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33353) - you deserved it (3867)

On 12/19/2013 at 5:13pm - misc - by ;_; (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out the money my husband's been funneling from our bank account wasn't for drugs or gifts for another girl like I thought. It was for a guy he stupidly believed was a foreign diplomat, who supposedly needed to bribe officials in order to send us several million dollars. FML

#20997988
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38645) - you deserved it (3784)

On 12/19/2013 at 12:20pm - money - by you fucking idiot (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I managed to infect a clean computer with a virus while looking up info on how to rid my other computer of the same virus. FML

#20992711
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35927) - you deserved it (7565)

On 12/14/2013 at 8:49pm - misc - by me (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I saw the guy who helped me yesterday when I was lost by telling me which bus to take. He came up to me and asked me how it went. I told him that the bus went the exact opposite way I wanted to go. He laughed and said, "I know." FML

Today, my boyfriend and I took a nap, fully clothed. I woke up to him panicking. He'd had a wet dream and was scared that his sperm somehow swam through several layers of clothing and got me pregnant. FML

#20982965
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50901) - you deserved it (5313)

On 12/06/2013 at 4:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Mexico)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: