Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

MrSassypants

Online | Search for a member

MrSassypants

125Fucked!

MrSassypantsMrSassypants
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 28505
  • Number of comments : 2105
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About MrSassypants : Hello there! My, oh my, don't you look good today!? Dang, male/female/human/alien/4thDimensional creature visiting my profile, you look stunning!

Anyways, my name is Kevin, and I use this app when I am bored, meaning all the time so I'm online often.

Well I lied on my profile and said I am about 23 years old. I am 19. Sorry I am a filthy liar. You should call me and tell me how much of a filthy boy I am. My number is: 012-345-6789.

MrSassypants's page activity

Visits<b>FusionPlacebo</b> - the 06/28/2015 at 12:14am<b>pikachurro</b> - the 06/27/2015 at 2:29am<b>Redmai</b> - the 06/26/2015 at 10:10pm<b>vote4paco</b> - the 06/26/2015 at 1:58pm<b>hayleymaybe</b> - the 06/24/2015 at 11:01pm<b>Mas8394z</b> - the 06/23/2015 at 10:45pm<b>facelick</b> - the 06/23/2015 at 9:28pm<b>frogpotatoz088</b> - the 06/23/2015 at 8:00pm<b>Lanker</b> - the 06/23/2015 at 7:55pm<b>jwrpillard</b> - the 06/23/2015 at 7:46pm<b>thefmlman2011</b> - the 06/21/2015 at 7:42am<b>laurenswims13</b> - the 06/19/2015 at 2:12pm<b>asspole</b> - the 06/19/2015 at 7:03am<b>EMCsheldon</b> - the 06/19/2015 at 3:43am<b>Neverafter</b> - the 06/18/2015 at 6:12pm<b>lalundsten</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 10:02pm<b>theboringdolphin</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 7:28pm<b>VirtualZircon</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 1:09am

Fucked!<b>asspole</b> - the 06/19/2015 at 1:03pm<b>lalundsten</b> - the 06/16/2015 at 4:03am<b>bugmenotmofo</b> - the 06/12/2015 at 5:01pm<b>shmoooopie</b> - the 05/26/2015 at 9:57pm<b>Defalt</b> - the 05/25/2015 at 7:00pm<b>kmaheynoway</b> - the 05/22/2015 at 2:33pm<b>StrangeNigga</b> - the 05/18/2015 at 6:03am<b>ismedrage</b> - the 05/10/2015 at 11:48am<b>Starburrito</b> - the 05/04/2015 at 1:41pm<b>ZombieVampirez</b> - the 05/02/2015 at 10:49am<b>Skyzeri</b> - the 05/01/2015 at 2:13am<b>thebakingseal</b> - the 04/30/2015 at 3:13pm<b>imunoz903</b> - the 04/24/2015 at 1:36am<b>Mukuro</b> - the 04/23/2015 at 8:12pm<b>random_funnygirl</b> - the 04/23/2015 at 3:50pm<b>sarah5745</b> - the 04/23/2015 at 2:46pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/23/2015 at 1:08pm<b>TheNiceOne</b> - the 04/23/2015 at 1:02pm

MrSassypants's FML badges

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

One more and it's business time

You've received 68 likes on your profile. Kinky.

See all of MrSassypants's badges

MrSassypants's favorite FMLs

Today, I was eating lunch, and accidentally got ketchup on the sofa, so I hastily doused it with stain remover. The ketchup is now no longer there; however there is a larger stain in its place. I stained the sofa with stain remover. FML

#19673245
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20865) - you deserved it (4223)

On 05/24/2012 at 3:23pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Sheffield)

Today, during a workplace safety exercise at work, I managed to cut off the tip of my thumb. FML

#19673015
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19124) - you deserved it (3583)

On 05/24/2012 at 2:26pm - work - by thwack - United States

Today, I realized the only reason my phone ever rings is because someone needs help with their computer. FML

#19672620
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17850) - you deserved it (1942)

On 05/24/2012 at 12:41pm - misc - by that guy - United States

Today, I had dinner with my family for the first time in a couple of days. My mum and dad spent the majority of the time arguing whether salt or pepper weighed more. This is why I'm not home often. FML

#19666760
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17043) - you deserved it (1830)

On 05/23/2012 at 7:44am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my sister got married. It was also the day that I was supposed to deliver a heartfelt toast to the happy couple. I got so nervous that I kept stuttering and finally ended with "Congrats Beth and Steve!" Her husband's name is Eric. Her ex was named Steve. FML

#19650903
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24138) - you deserved it (8875)

On 05/20/2012 at 9:13am - misc - by shygirl - United States (Michigan)

Today, my girlfriend went in for a kiss too fast and broke my front tooth. FML

#19649940
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23821) - you deserved it (2196)

On 05/20/2012 at 1:19am - misc - by slayerdeath - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was reading a book on paper for the first time in maybe a month. I had to stop at a word I did not recognise. Because I'm so used to using a Kindle, I tried to get the definition by pressing it. I had my finger on the word for a few seconds before I realised it was paper. FML

#19637178
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7356) - you deserved it (36893)

On 05/17/2012 at 2:57pm - misc - by Bilze - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was trying to convince my husband to not trim the lower branches of my favorite tree. After pleading my case, I turned around and ran smack into one of said branches. My face and my dignity still hurt. FML

#19636760
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7795) - you deserved it (18456)

On 05/17/2012 at 12:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was at the supermarket checkout. I handed over my items, which included some tampons, tissues, and toilet roll. The security guard standing beside the cashier remarked loudly, "I'll be damned; she's flowing from every hole!" FML

#19623439
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39494) - you deserved it (4084) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 05/14/2012 at 6:23pm - misc - by lafinesse (woman) -

Today, I went to a club with some friends. I ordered two drinks from the waitress and gave her a fifty. She never returned with the change, and the rest of the staff claimed they didn't know who I was talking about. FML

#19623219
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24457) - you deserved it (5412)

On 05/14/2012 at 5:46pm - money - by Jon (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, after a little detective work, I found out the money that recently went missing from my college fund was transferred by my mother, to her own account. She claims it's to pay a parking ticket. Maybe I'm just stupid, but I didn't know they fined people over $3,500 for a parking violation. FML

#19618008
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24749) - you deserved it (1813)

On 05/13/2012 at 6:00pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my boyfriend of two years logged into my Facebook account and broke up with himself. He is now receiving loads of sympathy, while I'm being accused of lying about it to save my reputation. FML

#19617909
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27667) - you deserved it (2687)

On 05/13/2012 at 5:26pm - love - by soso (woman) - Sweden (Vastra Gotaland)

Today, a pigeon got into my apartment. After knocking over a very expensive vase, it panicked, rammed itself against a window, and shat all over the floor as it tried to get out. FML

#19611512
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21004) - you deserved it (1907)

On 05/12/2012 at 12:01pm - animals - by Eric Ngan - Singapore

Today, I had to pick my son up from school after he beat the crap out of another student. The words that made him go nuts were apparently, "You mad, bro?" FML

#19607657
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24429) - you deserved it (3668)

On 05/11/2012 at 3:30pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Vastra Gotaland)

Today, I asked my dad if my girlfriend could sleep over. He winked at me and agreed. When I brought her home, we went to my room for a quickie. There, I saw that my dad had taped multiple Richard Simmons posters to the wall, causing my girlfriend to suddenly come down with a "headache." FML

#19607447
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12773) - you deserved it (20881)

On 05/11/2012 at 2:29pm - love - by cockblocked (man) - United States (South Carolina)



FML's blog

  • Tania's illustrated FML
  • Hi gang! How are you all doing? This week has been quite eventful for some people. Uber has been causing taxi drivers here and there to get their knickers in a twist, notable over here in France, which caused…

Friday 26 June 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: