Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

MrSassypants

Online | Search for a member

MrSassypants

113Fucked!

MrSassypantsMrSassypants
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 25866
  • Number of comments : 2075
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About MrSassypants : Hello there! My, oh my, don't you look good today!? Dang, male/female/human/alien/4thDimensional creature visiting my profile, you look stunning!

Anyways, my name is Kevin, and I use this app when I am bored, meaning all the time so I'm online often.

Well I lied on my profile and said I am about 23 years old. I am 18. Sorry I am a filthy liar. You should call me and tell me how much of a filthy boy I am. My number is: 012-345-6789.

MrSassypants's page activity

Visits<b>ScratchCatPower</b> - 11 hours ago<b>Mmmsushi</b> - 13 hours ago<b>fantae</b> - 13 hours ago<b>dillonfi</b> - 15 hours ago<b>PikarooArtist</b> - 17 hours ago<b>TheNiceOne</b> - 19 hours ago<b>nityasomaiya</b> - yesterday at 2:00am<b>Saso</b> - yesterday at 10:11pm<b>imunoz903</b> - yesterday at 7:36pm<b>salpyy</b> - yesterday at 5:26pm<b>sarah5745</b> - yesterday at 5:04pm<b>quinzxl</b> - yesterday at 4:33pm<b>jellybeans1234</b> - yesterday at 2:42pm<b>Mukuro</b> - yesterday at 2:12pm<b>random_funnygirl</b> - yesterday at 9:49am<b>EvilTurtle</b> - yesterday at 9:20am<b>sam_cat</b> - yesterday at 7:13am<b>TheTshirt</b> - yesterday at 7:08am

Fucked!<b>imunoz903</b> - yesterday at 1:36am<b>Mukuro</b> - yesterday at 8:12pm<b>random_funnygirl</b> - yesterday at 3:50pm<b>sarah5745</b> - yesterday at 2:46pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - yesterday at 1:08pm<b>TheNiceOne</b> - yesterday at 1:02pm<b>quinzxl</b> - yesterday at 11:17am<b>Monday_funday</b> - yesterday at 8:54am<b>salpyy</b> - yesterday at 8:31am<b>thuguke</b> - yesterday at 7:30am<b>ScoobyDude</b> - yesterday at 5:06am<b>DarksideDoll</b> - the 04/21/2015 at 4:25am<b>EMCsheldon</b> - the 04/12/2015 at 8:17pm<b>apineapple</b> - the 04/03/2015 at 12:56am<b>paintedwings12</b> - the 03/31/2015 at 9:58pm<b>Tavers</b> - the 03/30/2015 at 7:44pm<b>Stillo</b> - the 03/23/2015 at 7:43pm<b>raspygirl</b> - the 03/20/2015 at 4:03am

MrSassypants's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

One more and it's business time

You've received 68 likes on your profile. Kinky.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of MrSassypants's badges

MrSassypants's favorite FMLs

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML

#19793582
405 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37428) - you deserved it (4028)

On 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm - misc - by 16590 (man) - Sweden

Today, I went to see my dermatologist friend for a free consultation on my terrible acne. During my visit, she said I probably won't be getting any more pimples. Excited, I asked her how she could tell. She replied, "There's no more room for it." FML

#19787608
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28524) - you deserved it (2384)

On 06/14/2012 at 3:34pm - health - by ultraattitude - United States

Today, I had to take my husband to the hospital. He and his friends got the bright idea of recording a re-enactment of a scene from Fight Club for a YouTube video. It ended as soon as my husband caught a fist to the gut and started violently puking all over our basement floor. FML

#19782918
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21211) - you deserved it (2243)

On 06/13/2012 at 4:38pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Netherlands

Today, I had to take my husband to the hospital. He and his friends got the bright idea of recording a re-enactment of a scene from Fight Club for a YouTube video. It ended as soon as my husband caught a fist to the gut and started violently puking all over our basement floor. FML

#19782918
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21211) - you deserved it (2243)

On 06/13/2012 at 4:38pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Netherlands

Today, I went to a concert. One of my favorite bands was performing, and I'd had the ticket for seven months, with a great seat for the show. It was all going perfectly, that is until a guy twice my height sat in front of me. FML

#19781971
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23185) - you deserved it (1873)

On 06/13/2012 at 12:58pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I drove my drunk sister home after a wild night of partying. She did not go to bed as I expected; instead, she laid in the bathtub and cried every time I left her. Now it's 3AM, and she's using her bra as a lasso for various objects in the room. The best part is I work in 4 hours. FML

#19764297
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25027) - you deserved it (2658)

On 06/10/2012 at 3:54am - misc - by eddie818 - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I passed out in my car in a McDonald's parking lot. I got woken up by a cop. FML

#19764261
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15048) - you deserved it (9082)

On 06/10/2012 at 3:46am - misc - by yeyt209 - United States (North Dakota)

Today, while driving home from work, I noticed the driver next to me was happily chatting on her phone. I fucking despise these would-be murderers, so I slammed my horn to signal my disgust. She panicked and swerved straight into my car. FML

#19761420
390 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18342) - you deserved it (59773)

On 06/09/2012 at 5:35pm - misc - by k - United Kingdom (Telford and Wrekin)

Today, I snuck out of the house for a night on the town. When I got back, I found all the doors and windows bolted shut. My sister's laughing face at my bedroom window suggests I'll be spending the rest of the night outside. FML

#19761318
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9388) - you deserved it (25846)

On 06/09/2012 at 5:15pm - misc - by cock sauce (man) - Switzerland (Luzern)

Today, I was taking a shower. My mom thinks it's ok to just walk in on someone when they are in there so she decides to take a crap. The worst part is she thought it would be less awkward to talk to me. FML

#19754526
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23366) - you deserved it (2255)

On 06/08/2012 at 10:00am - misc - by me - United States (New York)

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend in bed after a round of amazing sex. He decided it would be a great time to stick his finger up my nose. FML

#19747486
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24073) - you deserved it (4485)

On 06/07/2012 at 12:02am - intimacy - by C0r1nn3 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I arranged a romantic dinner for my boyfriend. His favourite meal, fresh flowers, scented candles. Everything went beautifully, at least until he wrapped an arm around me and whispered, "Want some dick?" into my ear. Mood horrifically ruined. FML

#19717228
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31300) - you deserved it (6809)

On 06/01/2012 at 7:50pm - intimacy - by dating a manchild (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, a homeless guy grabbed me and started ranting that "the Mayans were right" or some shit. He was making about as much sense as Charlie Sheen outside of a padded cell, so I shoved him away. That's when he decided to pull a knife and chase me all the way to my car. FML

#19716436
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23795) - you deserved it (3785)

On 06/01/2012 at 5:08pm - misc - by kay (man) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I went to the hospital for stomach pains, and was told that it sounds like I have an ovarian cyst. My mom went into a rage, screaming that I'd lied to her about being a virgin. Despite the doctor explaining that sexual activity has nothing to do with it, she refuses to believe him. FML

Today, it was my last day at school before I graduate next week. Ten minutes into lunch break, I was brutally nailed in the neck by a football. Now, not only do I look like I was given a hickey by the Jolly Green Giant himself, I have to wear a neck brace at my graduation ceremony. FML

#19715623
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24827) - you deserved it (1752)

On 06/01/2012 at 2:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)



FML's blog

  • FML's Question Time #2 : School
  • We tried this before and it went pretty well, so here's another blog section for everyone to have give their opinion on a popular but controversial subject. OK, we're not debating a…

Thursday 23 April 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: