Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

MrSassypants

Offline (4 hours ago) | Search for a member

MrSassypants

1Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 15453
  • Number of comments : 1830
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About MrSassypants : I am a football playing king in space.... with a mustache.

Well I lied on my profile and said I am about 23 years old. I am 18. Sorry I am a filthy liar. You should call me and tell me how much of a filthy boy I am. My number is: 012-345-6789.

MrSassypants's page activity

Visits<b>iluvFMLs15</b> - yesterday at 3:08am<b>RobotUnicorn1209</b> - yesterday at 11:46am<b>42LifeUniverse</b> - the 09/29/2014 at 12:37am<b>ohSNAPyall</b> - the 09/28/2014 at 10:47pm<b>groovy579</b> - the 09/28/2014 at 8:27pm<b>Davids9199</b> - the 09/28/2014 at 1:35am<b>Paco_el_Taco</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 8:29pm<b>almightyteapot</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 4:22pm<b>Fallout_2077</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 4:12pm<b>Ilikepie467</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 3:25pm<b>starcaller17</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 1:58pm<b>Aero_x</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 1:14pm<b>trellz17</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 12:00pm<b>wolfgold2</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 11:10am<b>Connerm</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 10:36am<b>BigJoeZD</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 10:15am<b>Treken</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 9:33am<b>Sara95</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 8:49am

Liked!<b>Welshite</b> - the 09/12/2014 at 2:20pm

MrSassypants's FML badges

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of MrSassypants's badges

MrSassypants's favorite FMLs

Today, I realised how socially inept I am, when I muttered an apology to my laptop after I noticed I hadn't plugged its charger in. FML

#19001637
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19988) - you deserved it (5826)

On 02/05/2012 at 2:39pm - misc - by KDM - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my mom went to the store. She said she was feeling generous, and had gotten everyone a little treat. My brothers each got candy and a movie. I got acne medication. FML

#19001319
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24310) - you deserved it (3093)

On 02/05/2012 at 1:49pm - misc - by CaityLovesBo - United States (Washington)

Today, my mom went to the store. She said she was feeling generous, and had gotten everyone a little treat. My brothers each got candy and a movie. I got acne medication. FML

#19001319
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24310) - you deserved it (3093)

On 02/05/2012 at 1:49pm - misc - by CaityLovesBo - United States (Washington)

Today, my mom went to the store. She said she was feeling generous, and had gotten everyone a little treat. My brothers each got candy and a movie. I got acne medication. FML

#19001319
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24310) - you deserved it (3093)

On 02/05/2012 at 1:49pm - misc - by CaityLovesBo - United States (Washington)

Today, I tried to inconspicuously hock a loogie. It went down my bra. FML

#18993154
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6741) - you deserved it (29699)

On 02/04/2012 at 3:22pm - misc - by Courtney - Reserved

Today, my husband and I worked together on a very difficult yard project. Afterwards, I thanked him and offered him a special treat. He was disappointed to find I meant sex, not cookies. FML

#18992832
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30445) - you deserved it (5226)

On 02/04/2012 at 2:40pm - intimacy - by me - United States (Texas)

Today, my husband and I worked together on a very difficult yard project. Afterwards, I thanked him and offered him a special treat. He was disappointed to find I meant sex, not cookies. FML

#18992832
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30445) - you deserved it (5226)

On 02/04/2012 at 2:40pm - intimacy - by me - United States (Texas)

Today, I accidentally told my mom to ejaculate the flash drive from the PC. FML

#18976293
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17261) - you deserved it (21783)

On 02/02/2012 at 1:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - India

Today, my morning sickness has been so bad that my husband's farts send me running to the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious, and has been following me around all day trying to crack one off in my face. FML

#18969254
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30859) - you deserved it (3510)

On 02/01/2012 at 3:21pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my son sprayed our white couch with Febreze. This would have been great, were the "Febreze" not actually black spray paint. FML

#18969036
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25533) - you deserved it (3537)

On 02/01/2012 at 2:35pm - kids - by Anonymous -

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML

#18954927
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30873) - you deserved it (4969)

On 01/30/2012 at 7:25pm - intimacy - by ugh (man) - United States

Today, I went to deliver some reports to my boss in his office. He was facing away from me and ranting about his "useless employees", so I slipped in and waited for him to put the phone down. Turns out he was talking to himself. When he noticed me, he bitched me out and threatened to fire me. FML

#18954883
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20123) - you deserved it (3634)

On 01/30/2012 at 7:20pm - work - by robert (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I spent two hours perfecting a really romantic text message to my boyfriend for our one year anniversary. I listed all the things I loved about him, and recalled some of our best times together. Two minutes after I sent it, he replied, "Huh?" FML

#18954605
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23325) - you deserved it (9174)

On 01/30/2012 at 6:51pm - love - by upupandaway (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I realized the closest thing I've had to an intimate relationship with a female is the one I have with my cat. Even then, she ignores me. FML

#18943699
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22464) - you deserved it (5095)

On 01/29/2012 at 2:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I changed my relationship status on Facebook from "in a relationship" to "single." I forgot to take my phone to work, and when I got back, I saw someone had replied, "What happened?" Someone else commented, "He broke his hand." My ex and a bunch of other "friends" liked it. FML

#18935378
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20536) - you deserved it (4260)

On 01/28/2012 at 4:52pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States



FML's blog

  • Gragrou's illustrated FML
  • One day, cats will rule the world, but not today, there's a bit of tin foil stuck under the couch. The Internet and cats is quite the love story, everybody knows that. A very serious study that was done…

Friday 26 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: