Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

MrSassypants

Offline (the 07/24/2014 at 3:58am) | Search for a member

MrSassypants

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 14115
  • Number of comments : 1813
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About MrSassypants : I am a football playing king in space.... with a mustache.

Well I lied on my profile and said I am about 23 years old. I am 18. Sorry I am a filthy liar. You should call me and tell me how much of a filthy boy I am. My number is: 012-345-6789.

MrSassypants's page activity

Visits<b>Metagrim</b> - 8 hours ago<b>Welshite</b> - the 07/28/2014 at 10:34am<b>xxrogerthatxx</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 8:08pm<b>hetalia_thailand</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 2:07pm<b>adamant84</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 11:53pm<b>MrSirPerson</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 11:10pm<b>helloimclaudia</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 8:01am<b>imshadyxo</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 7:01am<b>xivoricbutterfly</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 9:59pm<b>DaDezza244</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 11:59am<b>ghsthnt95</b> - the 07/12/2014 at 7:10pm<b>wondercat40</b> - the 07/12/2014 at 6:11pm<b>scoobs231</b> - the 07/12/2014 at 1:20pm<b>ironfey</b> - the 07/11/2014 at 9:42pm<b>HylianTwilight</b> - the 07/10/2014 at 8:24pm<b>Emmmmmer</b> - the 07/10/2014 at 3:06am<b>JulietMarie</b> - the 07/08/2014 at 3:02pm<b>Ghost_Kaulitz</b> - the 07/07/2014 at 9:29pm

MrSassypants's FML badges

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of MrSassypants's badges

MrSassypants's favorite FMLs

Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm from eagerly scratching off a lottery ticket. No, I didn't win anything. FML

#20576976
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24948) - you deserved it (15199)

On 04/06/2013 at 12:59am - health - by Kotoko (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I told my bald, goatee-sporting chemistry teacher that he looks like Walt from Breaking Bad. I quickly got sent to the principal's office and received a 3-day suspension for "slandering" my teacher by implying that he makes meth. FML

#20574865
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33968) - you deserved it (5989)

On 04/04/2013 at 4:07pm - misc - by me (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, while on the bus, an elderly man fell asleep on my shoulder. He looked sweet, so I didn't push him off. A few minutes later, the bus jolted and his head slipped down into my breasts. I'm pretty sure you don't smile like that when you're really asleep. FML

#20574730
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37555) - you deserved it (6650)

On 04/04/2013 at 2:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Portugal (Lisboa)

Today, I was trying out my first vibrator. Soon enough, my 12-year-old sister opened my door, walked in, and saw me naked from the waist down. She laughed, called me a virgin, and left. FML

#20574621
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51881) - you deserved it (17639)

On 04/04/2013 at 12:04pm - intimacy - by Ribbed for Her Disaster (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, in my job as an assistant at a music venue, I had to get posters signed by that night's performer. When I walked into the dressing room, I was told, "unless you're sucking my cock then get the fuck out of here" and had the posters slapped out of my hands. It's my job to deal with these pricks. FML

#20572312
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34537) - you deserved it (3087)

On 04/02/2013 at 9:26pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was hit by a car in a parking lot. The person sped off; I broke three ribs. My parents screamed at me for not getting the driver's info. FML

#20565033
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36937) - you deserved it (2451)

On 03/29/2013 at 4:33am - misc - by TheRuleEnforcer (man) - United States

Today, I almost lost my virginity at the age of 34. After years of putting off sex and waiting for marriage, the moment arrived. My new wife could't stop laughing at how small I am. FML

#20562346
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67848) - you deserved it (10158)

On 03/27/2013 at 12:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, a customer came up to me and asked if I knew where the make-up aisle was. I pointed him in the right direction but he just gasped and said, "Oh so you DO know where it is!" and walked away, roaring with laughter. FML

#20562040
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33995) - you deserved it (3353)

On 03/27/2013 at 3:29am - work - by apparentlytoougly (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I casually mentioned to my mom that my boyfriend of two years and I were thinking about moving in together. She looked me dead in the eye and said if I ever moved out, she'd throw me out of the house. I'm confused. FML

Today, my cat learned how to open doors. Ever since then she's been running up to my room, opening my door, and running away. My cat is playing ding-dong ditch. FML

#20559057
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33135) - you deserved it (4456)

On 03/25/2013 at 3:18am - animals - by Apes (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking my dog when he stopped in the middle of the street and took a dump. I looked around furtively but saw nobody, so I just kept walking. I stepped in it on the way back home. FML

#20558609
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10192) - you deserved it (87264) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/24/2013 at 7:01pm - animals - by BaliTheDog - France

Today, I spent three hours painstakingly installing and configuring some parental control software on my 11-year-old son's laptop after I caught him watching porn. Barely an hour after returning the laptop, I caught him watching yet more porn on it. FML

#20557646
318 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31099) - you deserved it (12711)

On 03/24/2013 at 6:30am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my grandmother has been complaining that I spend too much on food, so I started cooking food from scratch. I happily showed her my recipe book and encouraged her to try a few. She then mocked me for wasting time by not buying frozen food. FML

#20554757
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30343) - you deserved it (3065)

On 03/22/2013 at 6:49am - money - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend confided in me that she wanted to try bondage. Since I trust her, I said sure. After I was tied to the bed, she tickled me until I pissed myself. FML

#20553692
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48895) - you deserved it (11607)

On 03/21/2013 at 1:54pm - intimacy - by ldn (man) - Slovenia (Bohinj)

Today, I found myself arguing with a 6-year-old over a game of tag. FML

#20552543
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14155) - you deserved it (30289)

On 03/20/2013 at 6:08pm - kids - by tspence - United States (Ohio)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: